Talk Dirty to Me (dangerbuffalo) wrote in ohnotheydidnt,
Talk Dirty to Me

ONTD Original: Top 10 Messiest Virgos

A companion to yesterday's Top 10 faves, this post will explore the darker side of the sign by sharing the Top 10 Messiest Virgos. Unlike the last post, we are going to start at the bottom (mostly harmless, yet messy) to the worst (completely problematic)

#10. George RR Martin (September 20th) aka grrm

George makes the list for the simple reason that he wrote an engrossing, expansive fantasy world and just about abandoned it. While I’d like to blame the wait for “Winds of Winter” on virgo’s perfectionist nature, I think we can all see from “Dance with Dragons” that this is not the case.

#9. LeAnn Rimes (August 28th)

The only female virgo to make this list, LeAnn is a damn mess. Her and her current husband Eddie Cibrian, both cheated on their spouses for each other. and it all played out in the media. There is still #BadBlood between LeAnn and Brandi Glanville (Eddie’s ex-wife) to this day.

#8. Karl Lagerfeld (September 10th)

Karl is a staunch proponent of using fur in his fashions and was probably a member or r/fatpeoplehate.

#7. Mike Huckabee (August 24th)

Former governor of Arkansas and squirrel gourmand makes this list because he is an idiot and anti-women/pro-religious right agenda. Mike is a “good christian” but seems to have forgotten Matthew 7:1-5 "Judge not, that you be not judged”.

#6. Bill O’Reily (September 10th)

Similar to Mike Huckabee, but a little more dangerous as he’s been airing his hate on the O’Reily Factor since 1996. He has also been accused of sexual harassment by a former producer on his show as well as domestic abuse against his wife.

#5. Adam Sandler (September 9th)

Adam Sandler deserves this spot simply for being culturally relevant. His latest ‘film’ promotes negative and harmful stereotypes about Native Americans but his previous films also have a history of appealing to lower common denominator humor. He’s also been called out for sexism, and the image of him in gym shorts and a schlubby Kevin James flanking a scantily dresses Selena Gomez is a great example of what is wrong in the entertainment industry. We also share a birthday and for this I can never forgive him.

#4. Louis CK (September 12th)

Louis CK ranks so high on this list because he seemed like a funny, decent, and well-informed guy, albeit a little rough around the edges. This year, long circulating rumors of a comedian who exposes himself to women without their consent began to point to Louis CK. He also defended Daniel Tosh’s rape joke fiasco, and uses tons of problematic schtick in his stand-up.

#3. Lance Armstrong (September 18th)

Lance Armstrong is a grade A asshole so there’s lots to choose from. Obviously, lying about doping while collecting 7 Tour De France championships is a big one… but there’s also dumping Sheryl Crow when she was diagnosed with breast cancer, and committing a hit-and-run and allowing the mother of his child to take the heat for it. I rebuke you in the name of virgos everywhere.

#2. Michael Jackson (August 29th)

Michael Jackson is one of the more complex people on this list. He is an entertainment pioneer and tortured soul. Even so, he was accused numerous times of child molestation and taking advantage of his legend status to do just that. He has a long history of being messy which is not just limited to sexual abuse, he also has endangered his own children and owned a bevy of exotic animals that would have been much happier living their lives in the wild.

#1. Charlie Sheen (September 3rd)

Annnnnnd our top virgo asshole is Charlie Sheen. He is an example of someone who deserves nothing, but is rewarded in high paychecks and continuous work. Adulterer, philanderer, spousal abuser, crappy father, drug abuser, slur-user, anti-vaxxer... the list goes on. Charlie is a garbage human and truly belongs at the top of this list.

Dishonorable mentions:
-Martin Freeman is a noted asshole (and vegetarian) who makes light of consent and women’s issues.
-Hugh Grant, who cheated on friggin Elizabeth Hurley.
-Michael Buble, who is guilty of boring music and being a serial cheater.
-Colonel Sanders who brought upon the slaughter of billions of chickens for mediocre fast food.
Bill Murray, wife beater.

So there you have it! The top 10 best and messiest virgos. Until next time… libras please help a virgo out in the comments and tell me what you like best about your sign and what you like least. Feel free to throw a few faves and messes my way so I can be ready come #LibraSeason.

mods: no source was used other than's famous virgos list to compile my original.

Tags: adam sandler, astrology, charlie sheen, fashion, game of thrones (hbo), leann rimes, louis c.k., michael jackson / jackson family, ontd original, politics, scandal
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