unpearl (unpearl) wrote in ohnotheydidnt,
unpearl
unpearl
ohnotheydidnt

Ted C's latest Blind Vice

i included my translation for those who get annoyed with his language:

One Masterfully Manipulative Blind Vice

Slurpa Pop-Off, you're such the hustlin' hussy! I dare say, I think this twisted gal gets off on stealing other people's men and watching them suffer. Sick, ain't it? (Yet so Hollywood—yech!) Get a load of Slurpa's latest little pork-and-run plans:

Slurpa recently had an altercation, of sorts, with a gal whose former guy Slurpa is currently suckin' face with all over town. Then, this past weekend, S.P.O. flew her Hell-Ay coop for a little fun 'n' sun away from home in another city known for its, uh, devilish diversions.

And come Monday, after Slurp's supposedly wild weekend, pics were everywhere of her getting down and dirty with not one, but two questionably doable dudes. Looks like the media fell for her photo-op spit-swap sessions hook, line and deadline-prone sinker.

'Cause it turns out Pop-Off's canoodling for the cameras was planned and pretend. Why's that? Well, to distract from the drama surrounding her and her reported latest amigo, evidently. Are ya with me? Doesn't matter, we're almost to the end here.

A bathroom birdie in said city of delightful diversion overheard Slurpa yakking on her phone that she'd temporarily kicked her b-f to the curb 'cause he was too much trouble, but she might just take him back when he rekindles things with his former flame.

Girlfriend, you are cold. In more ways than one, I hear...
And It Ain't:

*Kimora Lee Simmons
*Nicole Ritchie
*Eva Longoria

TRANSLATION:

this hollywood chick, SPO, is known for stealing other girls' men. recently, in fact, she had a fight with a girl whose ex she's been seen making out with all over the place.

last weekend, when she was in Vegas, she made a point of getting her picture taken dancing with two different guys in order to throw the media off the scent. but in the bathroom, she was overheard talking on her cell, saying that even tho she dumped her recent ex-bf because he was "too much trouble," she would take him back if he goes back to *his* ex (and then, presumably, she would steal him back for spite).

and ted ruled out Kimora Lee Simmons, Nicole Ritchie, or Eva Longoria.

------------------------------------------------
sounds like Paris Herpes and that jackass drummer dude to me.
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