sunshine for sale (megalixer) wrote in ohnotheydidnt,
sunshine for sale
megalixer
ohnotheydidnt

[Why Are U Punishing Me 2014] Lower your expectations for the next Bond movie




Summary (non-spoilers):
- The script for the new Bond movie has leaked, as have what the powers that be at Sony have to think about it. Sony's take: first two acts are good, third act sucks. Gawker's take: "Our read is that it's about as good as the last couple Bond movies, which is to say: Not very."
- Sony execs are obsessed with trying to fit in some sort of "twist" into the third act, which is currently about suppressing a document?


- Plot of the first two acts - Bond is facing forced retirement (yet again, jfc we know they're never actually going to fire Bond) as MI-6 is merging with MI-5, which is headed by Andrew Scott's character, and there are clashes over an intelligence sharing program called 9 Eyes. He gets a posthumous mission from Judi Dench-M (they just don't know how to quit her) and off he goes to fuck Monica Bellucci, who leads him to yet another group of shadowy assassins. He witnesses Mr. White from Casino Royale getting offed (do you remember who that is? I don't lol) and teams up with his daughter, Léa Seydoux to go off to Morocco and do more Bond-y things. Drax the Destroyer is a henchman.
- Christoph Waltz is the main villain (because you never saw that one coming, guys) and his character is most likely a new version of Blofeld - the script never refers to him as that, only Oberhauser or Stockmann, but all of the internal communication at Sony has the execs referring to him as Blofeld, so that could have just been them trying to keep that fact on the low-down. You don't meet him until the third act.
- Christoph Waltz is the head of Spectre (quelle surprise) and is also apparently Bond's older foster-brother? Bond + co. trick him into going back to London, where we learn that Andrew Scott was working for Christoph Waltz the whole time. Bond kills Christoph Waltz, end movie.

other stuff:
- Nobody is really sure what Christoph Waltz' motivations are supposed to be.
- There are some really cringey one-liners (greatest hits incl. "I'm Mickey Mouse asshole, who are you?") as they're trying to go back to the more arch/ironic Bond style.
- Christoph Waltz also has a problematique lesbian henchman, although apparently it's gotten toned down.
- They've been messing around with this as recently as November

Source article here + in the embedded tweet; summary by me lol
Tags: christoph waltz, daniel craig, film - action / adventure, leak
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