the dreamer v2.0 (calinewarkwc69) wrote in ohnotheydidnt,
the dreamer v2.0

ONTD Original: ASTROLOGY POST! Do the stars know why ONTD hates Ariana?

Post after post, we rag on her: Is she a diva? Does she hate her fans? Will she ever change her hairstyle? Will she ever stop the Lolita schtick? Will we ever understand what she is singing? OR, can she rise above a rocky start and fulfill her prophecy in becoming the new generation’s Mariah?

Let’s start with the obvious; girl is a Cancer! And there is a reason that Cancer is the crab, and it’s not only because they’re crabby, but because they’re “hard on the outside, soft on the inside.” Cancer is the first water sign of the zodiac, so it’s where we first discover that we have emotions. It’s also a cardinal sign, meaning “self-starting” so when you put it together, it makes sense that Cancers are so moody because they’re “self-starting emotions” every time something happens to them! The problem here is that as a water sign, Cancer is also deeply sensitive and easily hurt, and as a result, they build up a very thick wall, or “shell” if you will, to protect themselves. When a Cancer is upset with you though, it’s pretty obvious. They’re not fans of confrontation at all, but when they’re hurt, they do like a crab and burrow into the sand to be left alone. I’m fairly sure a Cancer invented the silent treatment as well. Don’t get it twisted though, Cancers are deeply protective and loyal to those close to them and often have a huge blind spot in seeing the flaws their loved ones have. They’re much more likely (if not guaranteed) to protect and defend their family and friends than they are to stand up for themselves, and when they do, you better beware, because Cancer has a signature snapping claw that snaps shut with their special snark. Cancers are very special though, they are the “mothers” of the zodiac, who seek to nurture and take care of our emotional health. They have a loony sense of humor, love a good cry, are very sentimental and never forget a kindness, and as one of the two money signs (Taurus is the other), they find their emotional security is linked to their financial security. Nothing fucks with Cancer more than the thought of not having a house (they rule over the home), or being able to indulge when the craving calls!

Other Solar Cancers ONTD has a problem with: Tom Cruise, Selena Gomez, Gisele Bundchen, Lindsay Lohan, Nicole Scherzinger, Courtney Love, George W. Bush, Lizzie Borden, Jared Padalecki, OJ Simpson

Solar Cancers we love: Tom Hanks, Kristen Bell, Princess Diana, Jessica Simpson (or at least I hope so), Solange Knowles, Diane Kruger, Benedict Cumberbatch

Let’s move on to the less obvious: Her Moon/Jupiter conjunction in her first house. You would think that Moon and Jupiter in Libra would be fantastic, and to an extent, it is! The moon is our emotional epicenter and our “insides” that we internally react and respond with, and in the sign of Libra, it runs into problems because Libra wants to make everyone else happy. It makes the moon easily manipulated. Yes, Libra is the sign of peace and fairness and like a serene and friendly atmosphere, but they’re not above mending their surroundings to make it happen. Tell a little white lie to this person, tell a little white lie to that person, and everyone is happy! However, with her moon in conjunction with Jupiter, the two planets energies form together in one cohesive output. And this is a problem because Jupiter is grandiose and regal and full of blind faith and optimism. It gives the moon an ego because Jupiter makes everything seem okay and like any time you fuck up, it ~happens for a reason, and makes the moon feel like it’s answering a ~higher calling. It makes it impossible for the moon to objectively see the things it does or feels as problematic. The upside is that Libra is a lover of beauty and tranquility and brings that to the moons flowing creativity, mixed with Jupiter’s ostentatiousness really gives her a flair of easygoingness and nonchalance that redeems the harsher qualities of this aspect.

Other Lunar Libras ONTD has a problem with: Justin Bieber, Kristen Stewart, Mel Gibson, George W. Bush, Joseph Stalin, Anne Hathaway, Alec Baldwin, Lily Allen, Nick Cannon, Rob Kardashian, Fidel Castro, Walt Disney, Julianne Hough, Macklemore

Lunar Libras we love: Kate & Leo, Kristen Bell, Iman, Tori Amos, Edward Norton, Rosario Dawson, Jayne Mansfield, Karlie Kloss

The Hairstyle. We’re always on and on about the hairstyle. Welcome to Venus in Taurus. Venus is our personal stylist and decides what we should wear and how we should look, amongst other things. Venus is in it’s rulership in Taurus, and we should all know that Taurus loves luxury, beauty, having high class, top shelf stuff to show off, but, as far as taste goes, Taurus is what we might call ~basic. Although, Venusian Taurus probably sees it more as “classic.” Muted tones, simple designs, soft and decadent fabrics, and never too daring. The problem is that Taurus is not a fan of CHANGE. They find what works for them, and they stay on it. Why fix something that isn’t broken? We like our artists to have distinctive “eras” that normally come complete with a new, updated image. If a Venusian Taurus has a wackier sun and/or rising, they might branch out a little, but with Ari’s Venus creating a trine with her rising, she is perfectly happy in her settled, ~basic image. Ponytails and all. With Venus in her 8th house, it does suggest she might not have a lot of control over her image, as the 8th house is where we keep everything that’s “not ours” and where we merge our lives with other people’s. Venus is still the planet of love though and being in the 8th house tells me that Ariana will probably have many intense relationships, and more than likely the other person will benefit from them more.

Other Venusian Taureans ONTD has a problem with: Johnny Depp, Adolf Hitler, Kanye West, Chris Brown, Mark Wahlberg, Jessie J, Iggy Azalea, Mel Brooks

Venusian Taureans we love: Amanda Bynes (right?), Michael J. Fox, Cyndi Lauper, Jessica Lange, Leighton Meester, Lisa Lopes, Carly Simon, Dave Franco, Calinewarkwc69

The most obvious problem for ONTD is Ariana’s Virgo rising. Your rising sign is about how people perceive you, and in Virgo, it’s deemed the rising of the perma-bitchface. It’s not as bad as we think, it’s just that Virgo has very little time for nonsense and they are image conscious. They believe that there is an appropriate way to behave and to handle your business. With a Virgo rising, she doesn’t want to get things done the messy way, she wants to handle it the right way the first time. Let’s not forget that Virgo risings can be hyper-critical (of themselves the most though) and when they don’t feel like they’re being productive towards their goal, it can get ugly. Suddenly, they crack down on every detail, annoyingly so, and go a little mad scientist trying to take care of everything themselves. However, there is no one better to call in a crisis! Whether you need a study buddy, someone to keep you motivated at the gym, or if you want someone methodical to help you organize your closet, kitchen cupboards, or garage shelves, you gotta ask a Virgo rising! And most of the time, they’re happy to help. Virgo is the sign of human service after all, and they find satisfaction in doing something productive to help make someone’s life easier.

Other Virgo Ascendants ONTD has a problem with: Woody fucking-die-already Allen, Nicole Scherzinger, Nick Carter (or do we love him? I never know), Madonna, Drake, Shannen Doherty, JFK, Tiger Woods, Dick Cheney

Virgo Ascendants we Love: Keanu Reeves, Kurt Cobain (nostalgia love tbh), Emma Watson (newly converted), Tom Hanks, Joaquin Phoenix, Christina Ricci, Usher, Nicole Richie, Dolly Parton, Kathy Bates, Blue Ivy Carter

So, what is the secret to her fame? Other than her vocal talent, “cute ass,” and probably some payola, she has a favorable placement with her Sun in her 10th house of Career and life path, creating a trine with rulemaker Saturn in her 6th house of work and productivity. Both of these, as well as her Virgo rising, are all placements that indicate someone who is willing to work hard and endlessly to achieve what they want. Her sun in her 10th house is particularly telling because planets in the 10th house are “seen” the best by the public, and the sun shines the strongest. The only thing holding it back is that it’s in introverted Cancer; had it been in a more socially magnetic sign, like Leo or Gemini, she would probably be more beloved and several levels of unstoppable. Not to mention, Jupiter in her first house will bless her with luck for whatever she sets her mind to.

Ultimately, the stars are not in Ari’s favor for a good image on ONTD. Her hard Cancer shell never cracks down, so even though she is a vulnerable soul, she doesn’t want to be seen that way, and you know how we hate someone who is fake. Her cold, perfectionist Virgo rising doesn’t help by maintaining a composure that is annoyingly monotone and stale. However, as a Lunar Libra, she does have a strong craving for acceptance and to be liked, but her sun/ascendant combo doesn’t allow her to seem as inviting as she thinks she is. However, I think we’re gonna come around to her… once we get over the silly things, like her using the word “kewt” or defending her obnoxious brother (she’s a Cancer ok? We went over this), we’ll see that this is someone who is here to be more than a one hit wonder and then fade into obscurity, only to be remembered in ONTD nostalgia posts of 2025… she’s going to win us over by continuing to work hard, having scandalous relationships, and looking great! See, something for everyone… but most importantly, we’ll simply become endeared by her neurotic diva behavior, just like we did with Mariah.

[A couple notables.]

Her Mars is in Virgo in her 12th house. She shares that aspect with another singer, it’s Britney, bitch! Both seem disinterested in their career at times, and that’s probably because the 12th house is where we go to be by ourselves and take time for our “spiritual health.” As the last house in our chart, we also discover what’s in it last. It’s where we finally come to the place that we can reflect back and see the meaning of our own lives. With Mars there, it’s almost like hiding your ambitions from yourself. In the sign of Virgo, Mars temperament is very muted, but Virgo will run Mars in circles with the little shit; so it does best when it’s busy and productive but also reigned in so they don’t get stuck fixated on details and burn out.

It should also be noted that Mercury in her 11th house makes her comfortable expressing herself to large groups of people- the 11th house is where we go to socialize and be with groups of friends, and I think this is helpful for Ari, but, with Mercury also in Cancer, she’s tied to emotional connection and Mercury in the 11th house may add to the illusion that people are your friends when they’re not. I personally feel that a Virgo rising is enough to keep someone skeptical enough to question others motives and Venus in her 8th house will demand a high level of loyalty (especially in Taurus).

Source for celeb birth charts
Internet Sources for stuff
Books you can read about astrology
My astrology tumblr (which I swear to God will be updated soon)

Past Posts:
Kimye & Selena/Beebz post
Love Triangles w/ RPatz/KStew/Katy Perry & Ri/Drake/Chris Brown
Taylor Swift & her Mars in Scorpio giving her horrible taste in men
The Royal Baby, HRH George
Opposites Attract! Beckhams & Oprah/Stedman
Sag Songtresses: Brit, Xtina, Miley
Virgo Matriarchs! Beyonce & P!nk
The Lost Brangelina Post
J.Leto & J.Law
Kate & Leo, the OTP that never was
Lindsay Lohan
Timberbiel mystery love

I'd like to dedicate this post to our hard working Ariana stans. Here's to the cause!
Tags: ariana grande, astrology

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