Arquette’s first job was as “this little kid who’s on a ride with all these women and whatnot” in the music video “She’s a Beauty” by The Tubes. At 19, she landed her first featured film role, playing transvestite Georgette in Last Exit to Brooklyn. Since then, Arquette has appeared in over 50 films, including an appearance as a scene-stealing Boy George fanatic in The Wedding Singer.
JACKIE BEAT: If this were speed dating, how would you describe yourself to a complete stranger in just one sentence?
ALEXIS ARQUETTE: Bleached golden goddess with delusions of grandeur needs to be put in her place.
JB: If you could watch only one movie every single day for the rest of your life, what would it be and why?
AA: The Party starring Peter Sellers and Claudine “I’m not just another Astrud Gilberto carbon copy! I will shoot my Olympic skier boyfriend for cheating on me!” Longet. This film is full of camp and kitsch but doesn’t leave a sticky shower-worthy film on me like Beyond the Valley of the Dolls.
JB: Complete the sentence: “I could not live without…”
AA: False lashes, coconut water and hollandaise sauce.
JB: What celebrity would you like to have wild, passionate, dirty animal sex with?
AA: Jon Hamm. (mmm, OP agrees)
JB: Describe, in detail, your death row meal.
AA: Filet of beef au poivre cooked medium-well; potatoes au gratin; asparagus; tomato bruschetta; Cobb salad with vegetarian bacon bits, because I don’t want to end up in Halal or Kosher Hell; and deep-fried dulce de leche ice cream topped with caramel … and the governor’s semen.
JB: If you could come back in your next life as anyone or anything, who or what would you be?
AA: A leafy male sea dragon. An exotic seahorse that is impregnated by his female mate. Or Ursula Andress!
JB: Share your favorite beauty tip with us.
AA: Raw lavender in a hot tub. Isn’t comfort true beauty? And dip acrylic wigs in curlers into boiling water for a permanent press!
JB: Tell me a secret!
AA: I had sex with Jared Leto back when I was presenting as a male. And, yes, it’s not only massive; it’s like a Praetorian Guard’s helmet.