Gwynnie the Goop is Now Selling Sporting Goods, Obviously.


When I think of sports, the first name that comes to mind is Gwyneth Paltrow; which is why it came as no surprise that Gwyneth has taken to selling sporting equipment in her ultra-luxe online lifestyle shoppe GOOP. With obesity being the number one killer of poor fatties, it is more important than ever that rich people get the exercise necessary to evade the death tax. Luckily, Gwynnie has once again come to our rescue by offering stunning wooden contraptions that will in no way cause splinters on your hoo-ha should you mistakenly tumble whilst in a Vicodin and red wine induced haze.

Gwyneth has really knocked it out of the park with these wooden racquets (not rackets like the poors would call them). Whether you give them to your nanny to play with your kids while you drunkenly hit on cabana boys or whether give them to the the cabana boys to drunkenly hit you (BDSM is so chic right now!) these racquets are a steal at just $110 each! Yes, each. They do not come in pairs. Why would they? As I always tell the children, "you don't need two people to play. Just go hit the ball against the wall or something. And stop crying, you are giving me frown lines."

This is what we in the industry call a "longboard." Let's just say the shape of which reminds me of the crazy weekend I spent with my close, personal friends Jon Hamm and Jennifer Westfeldt in the Hamptons. *wink wink* Oh, we had such a wonderful time before the Hampton PD escorted me out for "stalking," "voyuerism" and "hiding in their bushes pretending to be a life size garden gnome." Such fun. #Memories But I digress, can you think of anyone who has more of a classic skater style than Gwyneth Paltrow? I can just see her lounging on the green at the X Games with this longboard in hand, looking ever so chic in an oversized NOFX hoodie, a pair of Heelys and a backwards Vans snapback atop her sweat soaked golden tresses. Avril Lavigne (whoever that is) eat your heart out!

Both items featured in this post can be found here: GOOP Make sure to snatch yours up faster than Chris Martin snatched up animal based products and sprightly young co-eds post-Conscious Uncoupling 2014.

ONTD, what is your favorite summer activity? I simply adore yachting, dressage and denying my ex's children their inheritance.