In West Indian culture, there’s this…ritual that if a woman is trying to trap a man, all she has to do is drop a little of her menstrual blood in his food, preferably spaghetti. Ms. Prada has a song called “Voodoo Pus$y” and the black community, for right or wrong, has long hypothesized about the hold Erykah Badu and her green eyes have over the men in the Hip Hop community.
Now, some may find these type of speculations derogatory or, I don’t know, sexist. But if you ask me, women have powers we don’t often utilize. So, it’s not such a leap for me to speculate that the Kardashian women have…something going on. I know I write this at the risk of sounding like a crazy conspiracy theorist. Maybe I am crazy. In fact, I’m sure of it; but as far as this is concerned, I have evidence.
I know, I know. You’ve heard about the Kardashian family and Kanye’s mouth diarrhea far too much this week. But it was all of Kanye’s weird interviews of late that have gotten me thinking about all of this. There used to be a time when Kanye kept relatively quiet about his love interests. Sure, he’d name drop them in a song or two but I don’t remember a time when I heard Kanye speak more about his woman than his art. And we know how important his art is to him and the rest of the world. As someone who finds the value in a lot of Kanye’s bravado, I don’t get this.
First, there’s the fact that Kanye, who is supposedly so against being mocked, criticized or even challenged, is all of a sudden so eager to put his personal life in the limelight. I’m sure you’ve listened to the soundbite or read the transcript of the interview in which Kanye, who used to be mostly about the music, said that he and his finance, the mother of his child, are “in the exploitation business. We get paid to exploit ourselves. I’mma give my daughter the opportunity to exploit herself.”
I don’t know if exploiting what are supposed to be the most intimate moments of your life for financial gain and increased fame is something to brag about.
Does anybody remember the time when Kanye reluctantly and awkwardly appeared on “Keeping Up With The Kardashians”? What happened to that man? Now, he’s proposing in baseball stadiums for all cameras to record. One minute, he’s fighting the paparazzi for making money off of him, then the next, he’s thanking them for showing the world how fresh he is. Certainly the paps played a role in Kimye becoming more influential than Barack and Michelle Obama.
Wanna know what I think, I think the Kardashian women prey on vulnerable men. Since Kanye is all about oversharing these days, he told us that he had been checking for Kim since the days when she was “styling” Brandy. But apparently she wasn’t seeing him then. Which is odd, right? Kanye already had bank at this time and yet she was on the Ray Js and Reggie Bushes of the world. She didn’t think to come for Kanye until when? When his mother passed. When he was drawing stick figures in the annual Kardashian photo yearning to one day be a part of the cult. Naturally, the moment Kanye was at his weakest. That’s when he was ripe for the picking. And Kimmie, with, I’m sure, the help of her mother, swooped in.
I don’t know much about Bruce Jenner’s personal life, whether or not he went through a personal tragedy that made him a prime marital candidate. But he did have some pocket change. And just five months after he met Kris, the two were married. Is it a coincidence that the women in this family consistently hook and marry men with a quickness? If it happened once, maybe I could understand. But it happens quite often with the Kardashian bunch. A little too often.
Then there’s Khloe and Lamar. Again, these two knew each other for a single month before she got Lamar to put some bling on that thang. And coming from where Lamar came from, it doesn’t surprise me at all. He had an absentee father who was an addict and his mother died when he was just 12. And then he suffered another tragedy when his infant son died in his crib from SIDS. And instead of staying with and I don’t know–marrying the woman who he had been with for years, the woman who had given birth to his three children, he dipped out and married Khloe after a month.
I know some of you will think this was a senseless rant, that’s fine. I realize this is a little far fetched. All I’m saying is, as a woman with a little bit of power myself, I peep game. Something ain’t right. Keep your eyes open.