Ayo whattup…you now back in the presence of the one n only grand imperial Hands Of Zeus aka the illustrious Thor Molecules aka the mighty Cocaine Biceps…otherwise known as Shampoo Bracelets the panty melter…also known as the one n only Galaxy Knuckles or Broccoli Bundles the almighty… Yall might also kno me as ya boy Big Ghost aka Volcano Hands the inventor of slaps… Otherwise you might kno me as Phantom Raviolis or the grand immaculate Spartacus Deluxe. I kno what yall prolly thinkin…THIS NIGGA DONE CAME UP…HE HOLLYWOOD…LOOK AT ALL THIS EXTRAVAGANTISM B…OH MY GAWD. I feel you my nigga….I sense theres animosity n whatever whatever. I done started from the bottom n now Im here…straight up n down. I aint ashamed bout none of that. Im gettin this cake n Imma still be givin yall the raw uncut while I enjoy this luxurious splendor. Jus lemme flourish tho. Anyways yo….we aint here for all that so the gawd gon cut the introductions short so we can get this shit on n pippin.
Aight so once again we here to discuss the latest release from a dude who prolly gon need no introductions but Imma introduce him anyways namsayin…Yall might knohim as that owl-obsessed Aaliyah stan from the great white north wit the exotic budgie tat n the wild flamboyant hand gestures that makes bout 63 questionable facial expressions per minute while hoppin around on stage in a tank top who installed a a showerhead that sprays lavender scents into the air n a stripper pole in his crib n calls hisself Champagne Papi– but yo…hol up son… I mean only in this fake ass industry can you go from bein a silver spoon swallowin jewgro witta blend of melted butter n warm Ovaltine flowin thru ya bloodstream playin a paraplegic lame on a corny teen soap opera to becomin besties witta fake Blood who looks like a cross between a gremlin, a cabbage patch doll n a chupacabra n call yaself Champagne Papi n still be crazy respected by ya peers b… We talmbout a dude who done made songs so moist they could tenderize a steak if you left it in front of the speaker… Songs that could hydrate ya skin n cleanse ya pores n shit… Songs that could make swans appear at ya doorstep… Shit that could pasteurize milk. But yall guessed it…its the AJ Soprano of rap hisself…the 2013 Chandler Bing…the Human Rollerblade…Drizzy Drake.
I aint gon lie b…I aint what yall might call a “Drake fan” n shit. Matter fact most yall muthafuckas be like WORD YOU A DRAKE HATER B…which aint true. I actually appreciate a lot of what this beige muthafucka done accomplished in his career. I mean aint like I was a fan of ALL that shit but there was definitely joints that I was feelin since back in the Room For Improvement/Comeback Season era namsayin. Son wasnt whylin on some all the way corny shit back then tho. On the other hand he wasnt exactly what you might refer to as a nigga you take too seriously neither. He kept it straight lightskinned n on some boy next door type shit n whatever. He was a “safe” nigga. He seemed like the type of dude who actually knew what the fuck a backgammon board was for n shit. Son seemed like he done got busy witta pottery wheel at least a few times in his life before…shit like that. He seemed like a dude who would kno the difference between a dinner fork n a salad fork n might gon chuckle if he seen you usin the wrong one or some shit…the kinda dude who had hedgehogs or some other kinda exotic rodents growin up instead of a dog nahmean. He seemed like the type of nigga who favorite hood flicks was Set It Off n Jason’s Lyric. Like he might coulda been the type to somersault down a hill laughin or make a short film of a plastic bag blowin round in the wind n have his friends come thru the crib to watch it n make smores n shit like that…the type of dude Alfonso Ribeiro would play on a tv show n shit.
If you a dude who was raised on soy milk you prolly thinkin why we need shit like dignity n separate clothing sections for males n females in the first place right? Yall thinkin whats so bad bout dudes not filterin out all that hoe shit before they start sharin they honest true blue feelings on whatever whatever… Its cuz deep down we kno its some unseen forces outchea tryin to get us to stop procreatin b. And what better way to do that shit than to turn yall niggas balls into some ovaries yo? So THE MAN been cool wit pushin all this fuckboy music on yall…even tho yall be thinkin NAW I BE SEXIN TO DRIZZY MUSIC ALL THE TIME SON…but yo you ever EVER ever ever ever impregnate a female to some Drake joints bruh? Naw that shit impossible b. Unless its some shit like Uptown or November 18th maybe… But thats another topic yo. Ion wanna get way off track n shit. So we gon discuss the Nothing Was The Same lp now. Imma start out by sayin I was disappointed to see that 5 AM In Toronto aint on the album…not even as a bonus joint or nothin…which is a damn shame cuz I really felt like that was the best verse Drizzy spit since before So Far Gone…n that beat was cold as hell too. That joint was like my favorite shit for a minute in all honesty b. I remember thinkin damn…this nigga Aubrey might gon have some shit on deck for us when his album drop forreal forreal. Like how the fuck this the same dude who was rappin bout goin thru a chick’s purse while she in the bathroom? But thats neither here nor there since it aint make the album. Lets get into this shit tho.
1. Tuscan Leather – Aight so this shit starts out soundin like the music from a movie trailer for a quirky romantic comedy that got quirky white folk like Zooey Deschanel or muthafuckin somebody somebody Wilson or some shit in it exchangin witty dialog between theyselves while tryin to save whales n drink warm soy beverages or whatever cuz I never really actually seen none of them fuckin movies ever but thats jus what this shit reminds me of. Yall might be gettin the same vibes… But then you like oh hol up…its that Whitney Houston joint from The Bodyguard playin backwards n shit…like damn this nigga Drizzy tryin to ether hisself on track 1 or what? But nah he serious…n son aint singin or bringin none of that “do you mind if I suck ya toes for you?” shit he usually be bringin. Right out the gate he wanna let yall niggas kno you dealin witta whole different animal on this album. The Drake who could shoot lotion outta his wrists n spin a web aint show up on this track. Instead we got the Drake that likes to throw out warnings for anybody who be forgettin that when he not croonin a gentle ballad he also be spittin bars…n summa them shits can be dope. Only thing Ion get is why anytime Drizzy bring up Lil Wayne in a song he gotta talk bout somebody catchin a body in the next line…
“Im jus as famous as my mentor
But thats still the boss…dont get sent for
Get hype on tracks n jump in front of a bullet you wasn’t meant for
Cuz you dont really wanna hear me vent more
Hot temper…scary outcome…”
Whatever you say b… Personally I prefer when son eases up on all the tough talk cuz its jus hard to take that shit serious comin from a dude who wore a leotard to the VMAs last year bruh. Only time you really felt like the old Take Care Drake was tryin to pop back up on this track was when he mentioned that “even Ellen love our shit”. Yeah… the old Drake still alive n well b. But that aint the only shout out… Drizzy had to drop a quick Wu-Tang reference n mention that he be sippin Pora n listenin to Cappadonna… No disrespect but Ion even think people who actually kno Cappadonna personally be listenin to Cappadonna b. You whylin b.
2. Furthest Thing – Aight so apparently homie that was rappin on the last track jus tip toed out the room to let “Take Care Drake” take the wheel for a minute. This the nigga that fans his eyes when he cries spittin on this track…n what you expect him to do other than talk bout his imperfections while he simultaneously brags n takes shots at the imaginary chick he pourin his heart out to on this shit over some somber emo type music…. But a glorious thing happens bout 3 minutes in n the beat his boy 40 hooked up switches to some shit by the homie Jake One. Its almost like the beat jus slapped a hundred naked midgets wit valentines out the boy Drakes ass n helped him act like a man again. I still wasnt feelin all that melodramatic shit happenin on the first 2/3 of the track tho.
3. Started From the Bottom – I remember when this shit dropped back at the beginning of the year. Muthafuckas on twitter was talmbout EWWW THIS NEW DRAKE SONG TRASH BREHHH…so I decided maybe Id peep that namsayin. After I heard it I was like yo…no wonder his fans hate this shit….son really stepped his masculinity up without een breakin away from his regular formula which usually starts wit him either directin all the shit he sayin towards a chick he use to mess wit who dont fully appreciate herself or understand her own special secret powers or towards some random nigga who doubted him while mentionin all the dudes he came up wit who he be keepin warm under his wings. Next he usually name drops some cities he feel like he at home in even tho his hometown loves him… By this point he usually done said at least 5 things to make you doubt he actually got any male reproductive organs so he gotta balance it out wit some tough talk or some nasty vulgar shit to prove he still only human n got plenty flaws but he got enough dough to make those feelings go away n how when ya girl not answerin her phone its cuz he imaginarily flyin her to some romantic spot someplace thats outta ya budget so take that bruh. My reaction to this joint was basically yo…even tho he still sayin some hoe shit this gotta be the hardest I ever heard son spit without soundin like a delusional fuckin moron. Son really created a new flow on this shit too. And the beat yo? No wonder sons most loyal hardcore diehard fans hated this shit b…the shit barely got any melodies or nothin. Drizzy stans wanted the nigga who could make em cry til they get the hiccups…n this started from the bottom shit wasnt cuttin it b. His female fans hated it cuz like wtf is this shit a rap song or sumn?
4. Wu-Tang Forever – …n heres where we switch to son steppin back into his old comfort zone. I never fucked wit the concept of this record b. First of all…if you aint kno already… this shit uses the name of the second Wu album as its title…n it samples probably the hardest song on the album…n this shit is a ballad. That shit is like Michael Buble makin a song called Appetite For Destruction that samples Welcome To The Jungle or some shit…n the shit is a ballad. Word is accordin to the legendary U-God that the whole Clan jumpin on the remix too. I understand that niggas gotta make sacrifices to stay relevant or whatever…but its a reason why a lot of folks feel like the last 2 or 3 albums was wack…n its cuz they hardly ever on the same page these days b. So when Inspectah Deck tweeted out that he felt like the song was in no way a tribute to the Clan n it had no business bein called what its called n then like a hour later his boy U-God tellin a journalist that the whole Clan jumpin on the remix its hard to understand what these dudes is thinkin namsayin. Truth be told the song aint horrible or nothin but it damn sure aint what niggas is tryin to hear when they read this song title b.
5. Own It – Aight so now this nigga jus overdoin it… This is basically part 2 of ‘Wu-Tang Forever’ wit the same ‘Its Yourz’ sample except now he switched the “its yours” meaning from how the chick tellin him that all her good stuff belong to him to how he tellin the same broad that his heart is hers. Son I cant een listen to this shit. Only a dude who would walk into a McDonalds n ask for a salad wit lightly steamed carrots n a venti Sprite could make a song this light in the ass. Drake actin like a nigga who jus discovered Wu Tang for the first time in his life on this shit b… We only on track 5 n this nigga done based two whole songs round the same inspiration n shouted Cappadonna out on the intro to the album. Shit reminds me of when niggas got juxed for they luggage in Coming To America n Akeem tells Semmi “Let us dress like New Yorkers” n they come out the spot rockin the head to toe “I ♥ NY” shit. Naw fuckouttahere wit this shit…
7. From Time (feat. Jhene Aiko) – This shit sound kinda right yo. The very talented Jhene Aiko blessed this track wit her vocal goodness… The beat is kinda simple but provides the nigga Drizzy wit some breathin space to tell his tales n whatever. Bein that this shit aint directed at one of them niggas who doubted him while he was on his come up that means its gotta be directed towards some chick he use to mess wit. First verse is cool… Its like he catchin up witta past love interest n shit. On verse 2 this nigga jus start reminiscin on every chick he ever came across in his life prior to blowin up n shit tho. Its like chill muthafucka. Talmbout…
“The one I needed was Courtney from Hooters on Peachtree…
I always been feelin like she was the piece to complete me
Now she engaged to be married…whats the rush on commitment?”
Naw son… get that Marvins Room shit the fuck up outta here. Let Courtney from Hooters on Peachtree live her life b. Basically if you ever messed wit dude its only a matter of time before son puts ya whole shit out there n have distraught 12 year old girls from every corner of twitter all in ya mentions talmbout U SO UGLY NE WAY I KNO Y DRAKE AINT FUK WIT U EVA AGIN BYTCH. You foul Drake.
8. Hold On We’re Goin Home (feat. Majid Jordan) – Not een gon lie bruh. I fucks wit this shit pretty heavy. Besides it jus bein a dope song his lyrics on this shit dont air no exes dirty laundry out n he aint flexin his newfound G or nothin like that… Of course he gotta sneak in some shit bout how the chick in the song is a good girl BUT…….Drizzy knowin exactly who she really could be. That line in the song basically sums up how Drizzy views broads in general b… They like lost puppies to him who dont kno how to use they legs n whatever til he comes along n helps em figure out how to put one paw in front of the other n shit. But thats minor. I always use to say Drake really needs to stick wit rappin cuz it aint like the nigga a gifted singer or nothin like that. But he might coulda found his zone right here cuz the song works even for a dude wit limited range as a singer namsayin. Yeah its some lightweight 80s Commodores/Lionel Richie type shit but it works.
9. Connect – This more of that “Take Care Drake” again. I aint mad at the beat…but he doin too much on the lyrics side of things b.
“Isnt it amazin how you talk all this shit n we still lack communication?
How beautiful our kids would be girl…I dont need convincing…”
“Dont talk to me like Im famous…
And dont assume cuz I dont like assumptions babe
Im jus tryna connect…wit sumthin babe”
Really bruh bruh?
“She jus wanna run over my feelings
Like she drivin in a 18 wheeler…”
Its almost like J Cole donated this line to him n shit…
The 3rd verse is jus the worlds most pointless story bout how he usin his uncles car for like the third time on the album to go see a girl n had to stop for gas. The nigga even gave us directions in his bars like we tryin to go see her too. This shit aint really got no purpose in existing yo.
10. The Language – Son brought the Versace flow back for this shit…I aint mad at it. The beat is kinda like some Eurythmics type shit but it aint terrible or nothin. Imma never understand why this dude talks bout other niggas bein jealous of him so much tho… but Im almost startin to not notice when he doin it. Its like son…why you clingin to all this bitterness for? Let go of all the angst n shit b… Jus enjoy ya life or whatever. You aint gotta be so salty dawg. Son probably be goin on Facebook to look up niggas he aint seen since elementary school who hit him too hard when they played dodgeball together in gym class n shit to tag em in pictures of him standin in front of his crib wearin erry single chain…
11. 305 To My City (feat. Detail) – I get it I get it I get it I get it I get it I get it I get it I get it I get it I get it I get it I get it…. Jus shut the fuck up already nigga.
12. Too Much (feat. Sampha) – This almost like the ‘Look What You’ve Done’ of this album except he kinda pattin hisself on the back for makin it instead of thankin his loved ones n those who made his success possible nahmean. Also he kinda broken up n upset bout some muthafuckas on this shit again n venting his heart out n whatever . I cant front on the hook n the beat tho…n truth be told Aubrey aint exactly disrespect the track or nothin like that. He done stepped the flow up infinitely since Thank Me Later… so you gotta give the nigga credit where its due. Anyways this definitely one of the best songs on the album regardless of the feelings bein caught on it.
13. Pound Cake/Paris Morton Music 2 (feat. Jay Z) – So this the joint muthafuckas been waitin on for like 3 years n shit. Last time these two niggas dropped a duet (Lights Out) there wasnt really no clear winner n shit. This time its a different story tho. But before we get into all that can we jus talk bout this muthafuckin hook for a minute yo? Like its 2013 b…wit the art of DJing slowly dyin out in actual rap music…is it really necessary for niggas to have Timbaland doin this ficky ficky shit wit his mouth? Its like 1. it aint like they got somebody like Rahzel or a dude who really does this shit well… I mean 2. didnt Eminem play that shit the fuck out already anyways? And 3. cant we jus keep Timbaland away from recording booths already? 4. How they gon use the most classic Wu Tang hook n probably the one of the greatest hooks of all times PERIOD anyways b? But Ion wanna let all that fuckery distract me from the verses. Its no secret that Hov these days is kinda like a pale shadow of his old self n shit. From time to time he still be gettin busy but this aint the same Jiggaman that was tradin bars wit Biggie n holdin his own or the same nigga who use to cook up flawless verses from thin air in his head n spit em in one take 5 mins later n shit. Either he aint been inspired to go in like that no more or he really jus losin his touch slowly. I mean I actually appreciated the MCHG album but that shit aint had a lot of lyrical depth to it…like a lot of the shit he dropped after 2009 basically. Minus a couple highlights here n there. Lets jus be honest b. I mean thats my favorite rapper but he aint exactly hidin his blemishes too good these days. But for Drake to spit his verse n you like maaaaaan…this nigga Aubrey still salty bout his old classmates n shit but his bars was kinda fire. Then Hov get on the mic n he like “cake…cake cake cake cake”… n you jus like cmon Hov. You better than this son…n you gon take shots at the Broadstreet Bully like 3 years after he dissed you? Aint he join thru enough anyhow?a beansI aint mad at the verse. It was aight. Shit would be dope if it was Nelly or Flo Rida spittin or some shit…but we jus expect more from the GOAT. To add some insult to injury the nigga Drake spits another verse on the Paris Morton shit n lets loose wit all his frustrations wit bein seen as a lil nigga in the game still. Wonder why that is bruh?
Anyway…he throws a couple rocks at the throne n vents n he out. Its a dope way to close out the album so I aint mad at it. So thats that. I aint touchin the bonus tracks cuz far as Im concerned that aint got nothin to do wit the album itself. This my honest unbiased thoughts on this shit tho…after I heard ‘Started From The Bottom’ n ’5 AM In Toronto’ I felt like yo…guess maybe this fool Drake wanna step his whole shit up. He had also jumped on the Versace joint n it was like aight…I see what he doin. He dropped a couple more hot verses on some other shit. Then he had that wack ass ‘No New Friends’ record which reminded me why I aint like this niggas music in the first place. But I had the glimpses…the dude capable of better shit than what he get be gettin credit for sometimes. Is Drizzy a salty cornball who cant get a grip on his emotions n has a hard time lettin go of exes, coulda-beens n deceased female music artists he aint never een met n spends too much time reflectin on the hardships of his upper middle class childhood n tryin to lyrically ether anybody who ever knocked his juicebox over in the school lunchroom or broke his crayons? YES. Did son kinda ease up on all the moist towelette pillow talk n leave the nigga who claps his hands n jumps up n down when somebody brings a puppy into the room at home while he recorded this album? YES. Does the nigga got a funny ass habit of airin out other peoples business n dedicatin random lines in his verses to chicks he once knew (“This for shorty up on Glengrove who love when I catch my tempo”)? YES. Is this sons best album? YES. Theres a few tracks on this shit thats jus straight garbage…but Take Care was 80% unforgivable to me bruh. Thank Me Later was aight but son was goin thru that stage where his raps was trash. So even tho he got some bullshit songs (Own It, Worst Behavior, 305 To My City) he also made summa the best music of his career on this shit. Not all of this shit is for me but I wont say shit like Furthest Thing is trash jus cuz I personally skip thru the first 2/3 of that track whenever it comes on. Im unbiased enough to see what the vision here is b. So even tho I had expected a lot more after the quality of the singles he dropped Imma g’head n give this shit the fairest n most unbiased n accurate rating yall gon find outchea in these internets…
I give this shit 3.5 Zeus Slaps Outta 5
his reviews kill me every time omg