As we've told you twice before, fan-fic writers don't let little things like "sanity" get in the way of their favorite characters meeting and then immediately boning. And unlike the rest of us, they don't take a Christmas vacation. So without further ado, let's see the genital-shriveling ways they celebrate the holidays.
Yes, someone saw The Grinch Who Stole Christmas and thought, "This needs more fucking." It shouldn't surprise us, really, since technically the Grinch counts as a furry.
Dearly Beloved is set during the Grinch's teenage years, because an erotic tale starring a severely deformed adult covered in green hair somehow wasn't disturbing enough. It's been nine years since the Grinch left Whoville, and his childhood sweetheart, Martha May Whovier (a character from the Jim Carrey movie), misses him and decides to pay him a visit on Christmas Eve.
At first, the Grinch is less than thrilled to see her, as you can tell from his very un-Seussian language:
"Oh, Martha May, don't give me that inbreed Whoville bullshit." He turned back to her in a mocking voice. "No one should be alone on Christmas yada yada. I've been alone on Christmas for nine years, why is this one special."
But then Martha May reveals that "No one should be alone on Christmas" is code for "I'm here to jump your bones," and you can almost hear the hoo-hoovers and jing-tinglers start up a porno groove.
"There's one other present I want to give you." His eyes went to the bow on her throat. "Open it.
Where It Gets Really Creepy:
The Grinch completes their little gift exchange with a green, furry fingerbang:
He increased the speed of his hand, which increased the moans coming from her and decreasing the strength of her legs at the moment. She looked up at him, eyes pleading, "Grinch -- ah!"
Martha then returns the favor by giving the Grinch a handjob, so hopefully they had some carpet cleaning product at hand to wash out the resulting mess from his body before it hardened. Speaking of which, the Grinch is back in top shape in a matter of seconds, and what follows is a detailed description of him and Martha bumping uglies for the first time.
"No, no, no," He whispered into her ear, softly kissing her face in an attempt to lessen the pain. "You silly girl, your suppose to go slow, not impale yourself. Didn't your mother ever tell you that?"
It turns out that, despite being a virgin, the Grinch knows a lot about sex from reading the crumpled, sticky porno mags discarded by the citizens of Whoville. Finally he gets Martha to climax while looking at his face ... somehow:
Her back arched, her head tipped back and her eyes closed, mewing noises coming from her mouth. "Look at me." His voice came out in a harsh pant, she could barely manage to open them from the pleasure. "Oh!"