Welcome to a Very Gwyneth Christmas! Please Help Yourself to a Low Glycemic Index Canape.

Once again the holidays are almost upon us! One of our favorite yearly tasks is bringing you the holiday gift ideas newsletter, and this year is no exception—we have some very special finds. It gets us in the spirit and makes us realize how much there is yet to do! For more ideas, check out last year's letter as well.


Loquita (Pareo pictured, $235. Prices range between $170 and $300.)
I was sent a few Loquita scarves this year and fell for the collection's punk rock meets polo aesthetic. These will make for elegant but slightly quirky gifts for friends.

A photo of Gwyneth with her favorite design.

One of the best gifts I received this year was so incredibly simple and easy to recreate. A friend bought an antique wooden crate and filled it with several different herbs. You can find these kinds of crates at pretty much any flea or antiques market (she found this one at Sunbury Antiques Market outside of London) and fill it with the herbs of your choice. It's a nice, practical decoration that you can easily recreate as a gift for friends.

Nothing quite says "fuck you" this holiday season like handing someone a couple of used 2x4s and a bag of shitty weed.

Yubz (Retro handset, $39.96 each)
This is one of my favorite gifts to give friends. It's a retro handset that you connect to your mobile phone. Because I spend so much time on the phone, I worry about cell phone radiation, and this is a great way to avoid it.

Let's be real, anyone willing to use these doesn't have anyone calling them.

Hippopota (Prices depend on size and framing but begin at $500)
Christian Jaillite photographs, prints and mounts pictures of people's (and pets') most loved objects. The final product is a truly personal art piece. Christian's very first photograph for this series (below) was his son's well-loved hippo that has pride of place in his dining room.

My most loved object is my vagina. Incidentally, after a series of drunken misadventures this past weekend, it's looking a lot like little Moses' stuffed hippo.

Cut Brooklyn (Prices range between $250 for a paring knife and $600 for a chef's knife.)
Joel Bukiewicz is a knife maker based in Gowanus, Brooklyn. The workshop's high quality, handmade knives come in both carbon and stainless steel and the handles come in walnut (from an ancient tree in PA) or in several vibrant colors. Twice a week, Cut Brooklyn posts the new knives available here. I gave one to a chef friend last year and she's hooked.

Cut Brooklyn sounds like a venue for a hipster bris, tbh.

Juniper Books (Jane Austen Set, $225; and Cook's Book Set, $325)
My friend Thatcher Wine (he took me to Eddie Murphy's Raw at Madison Square Garden in 1987—that's how far we go back) runs an incredibly unique and bespoke service for book collectors, providing design, organization, custom covering, maintenance services, and more for library/book collections. Uniquely, he also works with customers to come up with a design to wrap their entire collection. If you're not quite there yet, he also sells small themed collections. Current favorites are his exquisite, vellum Jane Austen Set, and his Cook's Book Set.

$325? Bitch, please. I saw these same books down at the Dollar Store last week! What is with you damn white people and fancy ass book covers? Get your ass a paper bag, wrap that shit up and call it a day!

Kenton Sorenson (iPad Portfolio, $190)
Kenton Sorenson produces hand made leather goods like this awesome iPad Case. All Kenton's leather is undyed and darkens to a golden brown in the sun.

A lovely reminder to that special someone that they don't have an iPad and probably never will.

Miller Goodman (Shapemaker blocks, $75 ; Playshapes $150)
Miller Goodman is a UK based design duo that produces modern, wooden toy sets that are fun for kids to play with and nice to look at for adults.

The perfect gift for the kid in your life who like tripping balls.

Noel Wiggins' Rattles (Prices range between $70 and $200 depending on material and number of balls.
This is a perfect gift for a baby—a beautiful take on the classic rattle that will remain a keepsake.

Pricing depends on the number of balls? Well, lemme tell you something, it would take A LOT OF BALLS for a baby to ask for a damn $200 rattle. You are a fucking baby, back the fuck up.


For those of you wondering, yes, despite her dalliances this year, I did give my housemaid Guadalupe her yearly holiday bonus - a Brazilian bikini wax and a 6 month supply of Castrol Motor Oil. As for the kids, for darling, 6 year old Barnaby, an iPad, a custom designed winter wardrobe from family friend John Varvatos, new headshots from world renowned photog and noted power Jew, Annie Leibovitz and a train set...or rather, an actual train,. I'd just rather he not use public forms of transportation to and from his children's yogalates classes. Oh, and for my daughter Hortensia; one of those paddle thingies with the little rubber ball attached, I'm sure that'll keep her entertained enough not to ruin the holiday festivities by attempting to make contact with me. Well, I must be running, Joyeux Noel and Happy Chanukah to you all. I hope to see each and every one of you at Governor Andrew Cuomo and Sandra Lee's annual Kwanzaa gathering!