Maeby Funke (reunionfan) wrote in ohnotheydidnt,
Maeby Funke

Top 10 Unsexiest Movie Moments

10) Japon (2002)

The Scene: A suicidal drifter (Alejandro Ferretis) talks Ascen (Magdalena Flores), the old woman she's staying with, into having sex.

Unsexiest Moment: A sex scene that's all the more raw and uncomfortable because the actors are non-professionals. This is something only an art-house auteur could convince you is something you'd want to see.

9) Society (1989)

The Scene: Bill Whitney (Billy Warlock) discovers he's been adopted. Nothing unusual in that, except his 'family' are actually deformed monsters who like nothing better than to 'shunt.'

Unsexiest Moment: What's shunting? Imagine an orgy in which the participants merge and melt into each other.

8) Clerks 2 (2006)

The Scene: Randal (Jeff Anderson) arranges a surprise leaving present for best mate Dante (Brian O'Halloran) - a sex show between Kinky Kelly and the Sexy Stud.

Unsexiest Moment: And what a surprise it is! The Sexy Stud is a fat man in leather, and Kinky Kelly is a donkey. It's such a bad leaving present Dante ends up staying.

7) Possession (1981)

The Scene: Cuckolded husband Mark (Sam Neill) follows straying wife Anna (Isabelle Adjani) to her love-shack, only to find her lover isn't quite what he expected.

Unsexiest Moment:Mark catches Anna shagging a tentacled monster which, coincidentally, she gave birth to.

6) Showgirls (1995)

The Scene: Up-and-coming Vegas showgirl Nomi Malone (Elizabeth Berkley) shows her boss Zack (Kyle MacLachlan) what up-and-coming really means.

Unsexiest Moment: Designed as the ultimate Hollywood soft-porn extravaganza, what emerges on-screen is two actors thrashing about like dolphins in a swimming pool trying to stop their careers from sinking.

5) Howard The Duck (1985)

The Scene: After being rescued by Howard The Duck (voiced by Chip Zien), Beverley (Lea Thompson) ends up in bed with him.

Unsexiest Moment: "I just can't seem to find the right man," Beverley says wistfully. "Maybe it's not a man you should be looking for!" Howard replies with a nudge and a wink. George Lucas' slide towards the Star Wars prequels starts here.

4) Necromantik (1987)

The Scene: Rob (Daktari Lorenz) brings home a rotting corpse for his girlfriend Betty (Beatrice Manowski) to enjoy.

Unsexiest Moment: They attach a steel rod to the corpse so Betty has something to ride.

3) Crash (1996)

The Scene: Gabrielle (Rosanna Arquette) seduces car-fetishist James Ballard (James Spader) by showing off her scars.

Unsexiest Moment: James puts it into the wound in the back of Gabrielle's thigh, creating a particularly niche take on 'every hole's a goal.'

2) In The Realm Of The Senses (1976)

The Scene: Kichizo Ishida (Tatsuya Fuji) decides he's into erotic asphyxiation, but lover Sada Abe (Eiko Matsuda) accidentally strangles him to death.

Unsexiest Moment: What's her first response on finding she's killed her boyfriend? Call the police? Hide the body? Nope: cut off his penis.

1) Last Tango In Paris (1972)

The Scene: On-off lovers Paul (Marlon Brando) and Jeanne (Maria Schneider) reunite in their love-nest, where Paul decides to up the stakes with a little help from a tub of butter.

Unsexiest Moment: Lard as lube? The scene that scandalised a generation now looks like a particularly grim piece of Brando improv.

let's just turn this into a late night unsexy (or sexy) sex post tbh

Top 50 at source
Tags: film, list

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