"If I am going to be the future bloody Queen of England, I'm going to wear that dress once, because I'm giving up the rest of my life, all of my privacy, at least I can get a new dress every day."
– Kelly Osbourne, on Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge's penchant for recycling her royal wardrobe, on The Tonight Show
"Who do I have to bang to get an advance copy of the new @coldplay album? I mean, really."
– Gwyneth Paltrow, who's married to Coldplay front man Chris Martin, on Twitter
"She had a poster of me on her wall when she was in high school."
– Derek Jeter, teasing girlfriend Minka Kelly, in the new HBO documentary Derek Jeter 3K
"I was recently sitting outside, and this raccoon comes right up…I'm staring at it and it's staring right back like he's going to kick my butt! I didn't know what to do so I just stood up and I barked at him, and then he ran away."
– Don't Be Afraid of the Dark's Katie Holmes, sharing her frightening off-screen encounters, on The Tonight Show
"A lot has to be worked on because they don't make clothes for women with giant beer guts!"
– Jessica Alba, on the effort behind her glamorous maternity wear, to PEOPLE
"He's got to learn how to run a family first before he can run a city."
– Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Kyle Richards, knocking Camille Grammer's ex Kelsey and his desire to run for mayor of New York City, to PEOPLE
"Ever since I mentioned that he was my boyfriend, he gets way more swag than I ever have."
– Olivia Wilde, on her well-pampered 9-year-old canine companion Paco, to PEOPLE
"I mean, what is an old soul? Let's just tell the world that this is BS, and I’m not an old soul. I am a screaming, newborn, just-slapped baby."
– Hollywood It girl Emma Stone, deflating the hype surrounding her, to Teen Vogue
"I heard that someone paid you $10,000 for a piece of non-visual art."
– Jimmy Kimmel, responding to James Franco's admission that he contributes "non-visual" art pieces to a non-existing museum, on Jimmy Kimmel Live!
"In 3-D, my nose is going to look fabulous."
– Lea Michele, tooting her own horn for Glee's trip to the big screen next month, to Harper's Bazaar
Which celeb had THE BEST quote this week?
HAPPY FRIDAY, ONTD! :-)