KEVIN FUKKIN FEDERLINE (rusk) wrote in ohnotheydidnt,

Johnny Vegas is back on smoking form in the brand
new series of Ideal. Check out the first episode on
BBC Three on Tuesday 14th March at 10.30pm, or
click the link to watch it NOW before anyone else:

"I kissed Britney Spears. I am the mommy pop star
and she is the baby pop star. And I am kissing her
to pass my energy on to her." - Madonna
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| '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \
| |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | |
| .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_|
|_| |_| 09.02.06 ISSUE 292
Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe
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* Chad and Hilary's animal magnetism
* Pig love: all you need to know
* Charts: Chico is still number one

>> Courtney loves Goldfrapp <<
Rock widow trades drugs for pilates

Nice to see that Courtney Love has managed
to kick the drug habit that had her breaking
into houses at night, and lost the extra
20lb she put on when she tried to stop.
But we can't help worry that rehab is turning
Courtney into some kind of Martha Stewart
style control freak. Every single morning she
goes to rehab and insists on doing pilates
while listening only to the Goldfrapp album.
Nothing is allowed to get in the way of this.
Wonder what Kurt would have thought.

Michael Bolton and Nicolette Sheridan spotted at
Caesars Palace wedding chapel, Las Vegas last weekend.

>> TV: child's play for the Arquettes <<
Courteney and David have conception time

Courteney Cox Arquette has secured herself
a useful post-Friends career as a producer.
She's currently making a movie where she plays
a Southern socialite with trouble adjusting
to her daughter's love of hip-hop and also
has TV interests. During a recent production
meeting at ABC, Courteney suddenly reached into
her bag, pulled out a thermometer, took a
reading then motioned to her husband that they
had to leave. At the door she apologised for
leaving early, but explained that it was
"conception time".

Tre from Green Day loves having sex with midgets.
Even at the last Kerrang Awards, he managed
to find a 3'6" girl to cop off with.

>> Big Questions <<
What people are asking this week

Which high-flying Liberal Democrat was given
a lift to his party's spring conference in
Harrogate by a failed Lib Dem parliamentary
candidate and her friend, the daughter of a
peer, and enjoyed in-car "heavy petting"
with both women en route, followed by sex
with both of them (separately) at conference.

Which two radio personalities are helping
to cheer each other up about their lack of
career progression with Stevie Nicks-style
sessions blowing gak up each others' arses?

Nicole Richie's doctor is called Dr Sugarman.

>> Animal magnetism <<
Chad and Hilary do it for the pets

Hilary Swank and Chad Lowe are back together,
trying to patch up their marriage after a short
separation. A family member told the media,

"Hilary and Chad realized how much they loved
each other when they spent time together
with their pets."

>> Elle of a holiday <<
Ms Macpherson is the perfect tour rep

deep-stoat writes:
"If you're lucky enough to be invited to Elle
Macpherson's Barbados home for a holiday, chances
are one day you'll all go out on her yacht for
a little trip. And while you're off sailing, Elle
will suddenly spot a hidden cove she's never
seen before, with what looks like turtles
swimming in it. She'll then suggest everyone
goes and explores. Except it's not undiscovered,
Elle does this on every trip, and the crew of
the yacht have been instructed to "look surprised"
when she spots it. It's quite sweet really."

>> Would you Adam and Eve it? <<
Rapper dates junior African dictator

Rapper Eve has got herself a charming new
boyfriend, Teodorin Nguema Obiang, a rich 34
year-old with a LA based record label.
Teodorin likes to show his ladies a good
time, spending $700,000 at Christmas to rent
Paul Allen's yacht and on just one day dropping
$1.5m on two Bentleys and a Lambourghini.

But he's not just your average playboy, Teodorin
is the son of Equatorial Guinea dictator Teodoro
Obiang Nguema, rated no. 10 this year in Parade
magazine's annual list of dictators. Teodorin is
showing great promise in following in his
father's footsteps.

* Set up his label with $3m ferreted out
of his country, where most people live on less
than $1 per day. His father has smuggled out
more than $700m to US bank accounts so far.
* In 2003, quarrelled with his uncle Armengol
Ondo Nguema, national security chief, who then
underwent two mysterious "suicide attempts" and
was later sent out of the country to "recover."
* Is the owner of Equatorial Guinea's only radio
station, director of its only TV company, and
forestry minister, but lives almost all year
round in his mansions in Paris, London, South
Africa, LA and Rio.

See the top ten dictators: (Omar al_Bashir of
Sudan is the current number one)

New TV: Him And Us, produced by Elton John and
Bernie Taupin, starring Anthony Stewart Head,
loosely based on Elton John's life.

>> Ansell the Apprentice <<
TV hopeful jacks his body

mutant_Camel writes:
"I was in the same class at secondary school
as Ansell Henry, one of the hopefuls on the
new series of The Apprentice. On the first
day of school, all the kids thought he'd been
kept back a couple of years as he was twice
the size of the rest of us. If he fails to make
it as Sir Alan's apprentice, he could
always lose weight and take up dancing - he
was a phenomenal bodypopper."


Pirate DVDs of Brokeback Mountain made it to Turkey
months before the official cinema screenings. How was
the title translated into Turkish? "Faggot Cowboys".

>> The curse of Superman <<
Brandon Routh takes on the world

Superman Returns is out this summer. Rumours
are circulating that star Brandon Routh will
come out as gay, as part of the film's promotion.
But is this a good idea? The curse of Superman
has been talked about once again this week
with the death of Dana Reeve. We're
crossing fingers for Brandon already.

* Superman Christopher Reeve, was paralysed
and died aged 52. Wife Dana died aged 44.

* Lois Lane - Margot Kidder stopped working
when a car crash in 1990 left her bankrupt,
had a mental breakdown in 1996, broke her
pelvis in 2002.

* Richard Pryor starred in Superman III,
diagnosed with multiple Sclerosis three years
later, died December 2005.

* George Reeves played Superman in 1950s
TV, The Adventures of Superman. Was found
dead in 1959 with a bullet through his head.

* Kirk Alym was Superman in 1940s. Claimed it
ruined his life and he never got another job.

>> Things that make you go hmmm <<
Gunther, David Bowie, young Decker

Cheer up! Here's Gunther's new video:

Get a David Bowie comic:

VH1 wants to find The Nation's Favourite lyric. Vote
from 100 short-listed songs, from the obvious, Burt
Bacharach, Cole Porter and the Beatles, to the, er,
less obvious, "I should be so lucky, lucky, lucky..."

>> Chart Predictions <<
New entries for Sunday 12th March

++ Number One
CHICO It's Chico Time

++ Top Ten
KANYE WEST Touch The Sky

++ Top Twenty
PLACEBO Because I Want You
CRAIG DAVID Unbelievable

++ Top Forty
RIFLES Repeated Offender
FIGHTSTAR Waste A Moment

Old Jokes Home:
Gary Glitter was upset at being sentenced to
only three years... because he likes them a bit older.

Still Bored?
The opening credits to The Simpsons, re-done
in real life. Brilliant.

I can't decide whether the Green Day or Elle Macpherson item creeps me out more :(

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