We were the first newspaper invited to the LA home Charlie, 45, shares with bespectacled NATALIE KENLY and porn star RACHEL OBERLIN. Holding the paper, Charlie spoke frankly of his life with the women he calls "the Goddesses".
"I got a chance to label them before the world did and now they're the Goddesses. Those two are like the toughest cats in the room."
He added:"We have to have two beds - we're not amateurs, we're all adults. It's very smart and that way no one gets demoted to the couch.
"I met Natty through mutual friends at a little party we had round here and I thought, this one is special. So she stuck around."
The girls, both 24, were equally open about their three-way relationship with Charlie.
Former nanny Natalie said: "Life in the house is cool. Charlie is the coolest guy ever. Who knows, everyone might live like this one day."
And the wildman has lifted the lid on his drug-fuelled benders and romps with porn stars - and insisted: "I've simply been living the dream."
The Hollywood star said he had few regrets and added:"The partying has been epic - what I can remember of it. It was entertaining as hell.
Charlie's hellraising has left him estranged from his two baby sons and his hit sitcom Two And A Half Men was axed last month after a public rant at TV bosses.
But as he reclined on a sofa in his beautiful LA home he shares with his two girlfriends, he said: "I'm not feeling sorry for myself, I'm not complaining.
"Everybody says I have nine lives but I have to be careful because I don't know which one I am on.
"When you have tiger blood running through your veins it boils and it fuels you. It boils in a state that would eclipse a microwave."
He accused those who criticise his lifestyle of being po-faced hypocrites.
Charlie added: "People say I'm so arrogant but I'm just speaking the truth.
"You ride this cosmic mercury surfboard down the face of a tsunami and tell me you don't feel bitchin'. This is the dream."
Charlie's history is littered with episodes that make a Roman orgy sound more like a Sunday school outing.
In October he was hospitalised after he trashed his suite in the New York Plaza hotel - as a porn actress pal cowered in the corner in terror.
Typically, Charlie shrugs off the incident as "a speed bump." Although he does admit remembering very little of what went on. He added: "People say I was in a blackout.
"No, I was kind of on a roll. It was entertaining to watch and certainly got people's attention.
"I didn't get in anybody's way, I didn't meddle in other people's lives." Charlie is known to have a soft spot for porn movie actresses - and has dated several in the past.
Rachel, one of the two women who now share his home and his bed, used to star in porn movies under the name Bree Olson. His second girlfriend Natalie is a former nanny.
Charlie's boozing and drug use has become Hollywood legend. Although he insists he is now clean and sober, he has been in and out of rehab and allegedly overdosed on cocaine.
But he insisted his body just shrugs it all off.
The Wall Street star said: "I smoke 40 a day and have the lungs of a non-smoker. I have no problems with my liver or kidneys. They hurt a little bit during the party but when the party stops, they're fine.
"They're like, 'OK, we're good for about three more of those'. But I don't miss the partying because I have all the memories. Except for The Plaza."
Charlie may be off the booze - but it's not due to Alcoholics Anonymous. In fact, he demonstrates his contempt for AA by tearing pages out of their handbook and using them to light his fire. Throwing page after page on the flames, he said: "I'm finally finding the right use for Alcoholics Anonymous."
He branded the AA system of getting alcoholics who are successfully battling the booze to sponsor those who want to give up as "ridiculous".
He added: "Do you say, 'My sponsor said he's a loser so I want to be one too.' Or do you say, 'No I must stay like this and continue to suck at life'?
"Alcoholics Anonymous? It's about as anonymous as me. It's the holy book of lies.
"I'm just doing things my own way. I don't know if I will drink again. How do you turn down a perfect 1982 Petrus?"
Charlie also has little sympathy for MICHAEL JACKSON, who died of a heart attack after his personal doctor allegedly gave him sedatives.
The actor said: "He was doing the wrong drugs under the care of a complete and total amateur."
His outspoken defence of his lifestyle has turned him into a digital age superstar. He is now in the Guinness Book of World Records for being the fastest man to get a million Twitter followers.
But despite his bravado, Charlie admitted he does regret his behaviour has led to his estrangement from his 23-month-old twin boys Bob and Max.
They were taken by police and returned to his ex, BROOKE MUELLER, earlier this week.
Charlie is now battling alleged drug addict Brooke, 32, for custody of the boys. She has a restraining order banning him from going within 100 yards of her.
He said: "As we sit here today I don't know where my kids are. I don't know where the hell they are.
"I'm not upset, my emotions are out of it, my ego is out of it. But I am disappointed in the system. This is not the America I was raised in."
The actor is confident he will win his legal battle to get the boys back. He added: "It will be revealed what the score is and the scoreboard doesn't lie.
"Brooke has admitted she has relapsed and doesn't really have a home. I can only imagine if the shoes were on the other feet I'd be in some prison in Arkansas doing 25 years to life without a trial or anything.
"I don't see her making the Guinness Book of World Records this morning. Unless it's for most stupid ever.
"The gloves are off. But I am going to go in, do it properly and do it with total domination."
Dad-of-five Charlie certainly seems to have a knack of upsetting his former lovers.
DENISE RICHARDS, 40, will not let their daughters Sam, six, and Lola, five, go anywhere near him.
Friends say she is disgusted by the fact he is living with two women and does not want her girls to know anything about it.
Charlie's house, renamed Sober Valley Lodge by him, is surprisingly family-friendly.
There are pictures of his kids plastered across the walls.
Their paintings also cover the fridge and a rocking horse sits in the corner of the main room.
He's even got a pet. Even if it is a terrifying-looking Chinese Water Dragon lizard named Hopper Jnr.
Anyway, the family man image does not sit well with America's most famous party animal. But Charlie insisted he has won his huge Twitter following precisely because ordinary people are sick of "the mundane and the predictable".
He added: "It's redundant and it's tedious. People are fed up of all the same garbage.
"They are tired of the publicist statement."
Girlfriend Natalie said outsiders got the wrong impression of Charlie. She added: "Anyone who has met Charlie says he's the coolest guy ever.
"People don't say you're the coolest guy in the world for 20 years if it's not true."