Kyle Hobart had a problem. After getting ousted from the Sons for abandoning Opie on an arson job, Hobart was supposed to get his back tat removed, as is customary when a member is excommunicated. But we all know how costly that can be. Lucky for Kyle, Tig saved him the trouble. Faced with the choice of removing the skin patch with a knife or a blowtorch, Kyle went with the torch. Remember kids, tattoos are forever, until they're not.
Pushing the Needle -- Episode 1.1: "Pilot"
We learned right from the jump that Gemma Teller is not your grandmother's grandmother. Her drug-addicted ex-daughter-in-law Wendy wanted two things: custody of her son Abel and to get clean. Gemma made sure neither one happened when she handed her a bible with a loaded syringe for a bookmark. Is nothing sacred?
"A Serious MILF Chubby" -- Episode 1.4: "Patchover"
The biker social code is a curious thing. When Clay overheard Half-Sack refer to Gemma as a "MILF" in relation to his, well, half-sack, he aimed to school the prospect in proper MC manners. So how did Clay restore his lady's honor? By making off with Half-Sack's gal Cherry right in front of him. How's that for a kick in the nut?
"The Outlaw Showed Mercy" -- Episode 2.11: "Service"
Of all the people who want to take out Agent Stahl, perhaps Opie is the most deserving. She nearly got him killed by his own club and, thanks to her meddling, Opie's wife Donna took the hit in his place. But when Opie finally caught up with the ATF agent hell-bent on vindication, he decided it was not her day to die. But with Opie in her face and a gun to her head, at the very least she soiled her pantsuit.
Weston Goes to Hell -- Episode 2.13: "Na Triobloidi"
After A.J. Weston brutally raped Gemma, it was only a matter of time before Jax caught up with the white power Neanderthal. While getting some more race-hating ink at the local tattoo parlor, Jax shows up to put a bullet in his head. But first he lets Weston say goodbye to his son, who learned a valuable lesson that fateful day: outlaw bikers beat cigar-hawking white supremacists every time.
Unprotected Sex -- Episode 3.2: "Oiled"
Tasked with guarding Gemma while hiding out at her elderly father's house, Tig had plenty of downtime, which he put to good use. A little afternoon delight with the caretaker may have seemed harmless enough, but when the old man, suffering from senility, confuses her for his deceased wife, Tig takes the most embarrassing bullet of his MC career.
"One Smart B*tch" -- Episode 2.13: "Na Triobloidi"
It's not easy to get over on Gemma Teller-Morrow -- just ask Wendy, Tara, Polly or that dude whose car she tried to steal and then stabbed in the crotch. But Gemma may have met her match in Agent June Stahl. After shooting white power princess Polly Zobelle, Gemma runs into Stahl with Polly's IRA boyfriend Edmond Hayes' blood on her hands. Stahl offers to let her make a break for it, but not before tossing Gemma her gun. And with that, Hayes' blood was now on Gemma's hands.
Judas Priest -- Episode 3.2: "Oiled"
With SAMCO planning a holiday in Belfast, babynapper Cameron Hayes was not long for this world... and man of the cloth and Irish political terrorist Father Kellan Ashby knew it. Rather than let Cameron, his own flesh and blood, die at the hands of SAMCO, he elects to have him strangled before God in his own church. A lifetime of Hail Mary's couldn't clear up that kind of Catholic guilt.
Doctor's Orders -- Episode: 2.12: "The Culling"
Just because Tara took the Hippocratic oath doesn't mean she needs to take guff from her overbearing supervisor, Margaret Murphy, at the hospital. When Murphy refers to Gemma as a "biker whore," Tara demonstrates her ability to both save life and take it away -- or, at the very least, make it very difficult to breathe
Father-Son Bonding -- Episode 2.9: "Fa Guan"
Opie was counting on using a county judge's love for his son to get a deportation case dropped. Who knew His Honor thinks his kid is "a low life junkie piece of sh*t?" In fact, Opie didn't need to lay a hand on the boy, as the judge managed to knock him on his ass -- while the two were still tied up.
Recycling -- Episode 1.2: "Seeds"
They may be outlaw bikers, but the Sons don't approve of needless violence. Which is why when a body is needed to stage a shooting to fake out the Nords, they turn to Mother Earth to fulfill their needs. Some may call it graverobbing, but SAMCRO likes to think of it as "recycling."
You Gotta Have Balls -- Episode 1.3: "Fun Town"
What's one good thing about having a resident outlaw motorcycle club in your town? When you need to castrate the man who violated your precious little angel, they'll take the gig. In fact, when Elliot Oswald didn't have the balls to go through with separating the carny who raped his daughter from his manhood, Clay does the honors for him
Before and After" -- Episode 1.4: "Patchover"
Sleeping with a biker's old lady is one way to get your punk ass kicked. Another is having your girlfriend, whose lip you just busted, take a picture of you sitting on a biker's bike. When Jax and Bobby encounter this douche lounging on his Dyna, Jax helmet-whips him and then rides off his girlfriend. I'm not sure which stings more.
Home Field Advantage -- Episode 1.4: "Patchover"
There's more to outlaw survival than flexing muscle and riding motorcycles. When it comes to taking on rival MCs, smart tactical maneuvers are key. Case in point: knocking over a line of Mayan motorcycles to lure the gang to SAMCRO turf. Soon surrounded by Sons with guns blazing, it's all-out anarchy!
The Hand Job -- Episode 3.1: "SO"
There's nothing wrong with loving yourself, but compulsive lying and self-pleasuring make for a bad combination when you're being tossed back and forth between the Triads and SAMCRO as a bartering chip. You'd think being held captive by a major criminal syndicate would be a total turn-off, but Chuck just couldn't keep his hands off himself -- so Lin took away four of Rosie's sisters, saving Chuck from inevitable blindness.
Permanent Restraining Order -- Episode 1.11: "The Pull"
Ironically, ATF Agent Kohn just couldn't seem to wrap his head around the idea of a restraining order. After following Tara to Charming from Chicago, Kohn upped the creep factor by attempting to rape her. Luckily, Tara was able to get a hold of Kohn's gun and shoot him before he could do the deed. But it was Jax who finally put an end to Kohn's miserable existence, shooting the deranged federal agent point blank.
"A" Is for Anarchy -- Episode 2.1: "Albification"
Sometimes it isn't enough to just kill a man. Especially if you think he murdered your wife. Which is why Opie carved a big ol' "A" in this Mayan's belly. Thing is, it was his own brother-in-arms, Tig, who did the deed, making Opie's ill-informed statement all the more poetic.
The Breaking Point -- Episode 3.1: "SO"
With his buddy Half-Sack just laid to rest and his son whisked off to the Emerald Isle by a vengeful Leprechaun, all it took was a young boy gunned down in a drive-by to throw Jax over the edge. Using the gunman's head and some asphalt to let off some steam, Jax beat the man senselessly as the crowd of Charming PD and SAMCO members looked on in horror until Opie and Bobby managed to tear him away.
Jailbait -- Episode 2.7: "Gilead"
Fierce warriors and shrewd businessmen, the Sons aren't known for their good looks -- except for Jax, aka Goldilocks. So when the Reaper Crew, now behind bars, needed to trap an inmate with the promise of a pretty new boy toy, they offered up Juice with his adorable smile and fuzzy-wuzzy Mohawk. Unfortunately, the plot ultimately led to Juice getting stabbed. But we have a feeling he'd still prefer that to the alternative.
Cage Fighting -- Episode 2.7: "Gilead"
With so much bad blood between Jax and Clay, it's no surprise that more than a little was spilled between the two when they were thrown in a cell together. Everyone knew it was coming and some, like Bobby, even said the showdown was inevitable -- but even he seemed shocked by just how far these two would take it in their battle of old versus new regime.
Straight Outta Castle Rock -- Episode 3.3: "Caregiver"
As the creepy cleaner with a penchant for '80s jams, Stephen King defined badass in the role of Bachman (an homage to his one-time pen name). Even Tig and Gemma were spooked by his eerie persona. After all, one just doesn't fall into Bachman's line of work. In fact, it's usually the other way around.
Eyeing Up Otto -- Episode 2.5: "Smite"
You've gotta hand it to Kurt Sutter. It's not every day that a showrunner writes himself into an episode only to have his eye gouged with a mop handle. The Sons' inside man at Stockton State Prison was left with only ten per cent vision after the attack, but it was enough for Otto to later jam a shank into the neck of the Aryan who did the deed.
Membership Has Its Privileges -- Episode 1.4: "Patchover"
Being an outlaw biker isn't all about shooting up rival gangs and terrorizing the locals. Just ask Bobby, who enjoys imbibing alcohol off the body of a half-naked woman when he's not out raising hell in the name of SAMCRO. He also includes "motorboating" and impersonating Elvis among his favorite leisure time activities
A Head in the Sand -- Episode 3.2: "Oiled"
As hardened criminals, outlaw bikers often renounce conventional interrogation methods. That's when it's time to get creative. When Clay wanted info on the drive-by at Half-Sack's wake, the boys treated this poor schlub to a drive-by of their own. It only took one pass to get this guy's tongue wagging - it's not like he could move any other part of his body in that state.
Anal Retention -- Episode 1.9: "Hell Followed"
During a failed attempt on Clay's life by the Mayans, poor Cameron Hayes took a bullet to the butt. Chibs, while certainly willing to tolerate a little blood and guts to save a comrade's life, is not cool with poking around the Irishman's rear end. Thankfully, resident club doctor Tara arrived on the scene to perform the necessary unpleasantries, pro-bono.
That took me SO LONG, and all I really wanted was a discussion post for the finale. Days later I am still blown away. I cant believe there are still some of you out there not watching this show! Perfect, flawless television. And, I skipped some of the pictures because they were lame. If you want to see them, they are at the source. :)
There should be a SOA tag!