silver's good enough for me (stellawuzadiver) wrote in ohnotheydidnt,
silver's good enough for me

Blind Vice:

Bloated Babe Turns To Booze, Not Babies

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1: We toss around the word celebrity here at Awful Truth, about as loosely as Toothy Tile guards his homosexuality. That said, there's a celeb in town by the name of Lucretia Johnson, whose talent is, uh, questionable, at best.

And the poor gal's also currently getting raked over the rumor coals for possibly being preggers. And, trust, in a town that wants to skewer folks (mainly women) for being a half-ounce over weight, that's pretty scandalous stuff.

Shouldn't be, but it is.

And guess what? Chances are slim to none Lucretia's with child because her friends tell us the wayward babe's been "getting sloppy drunk for months."

Poor Lucretia has had a bad run of luck with men not exactly being loyal to her, hell, even nice to her. Johnson also has a bad habit of letting these jokers do whatever they want in bed—to sometimes yucky results!

Even though L.'s currently found a man who seems to be able to stick around and be decent to her, Lucretia just doesn't believe—deep down inside—it's going to last.

So the stacked sweetie drinks and drinks and drinks.

No wonder she's lookin' thicker than Levi Johnston's head these days!

Lucretia is also—according to her friends who have known her since she was a cheerleader at Happiest Place on Earth High—increasingly concerned that her most unimpressive career is fast approaching the point of becoming a permanent zero. Despite having had a fair amount of on-camera success in the past.

Ms. J., who really can sometimes do the cutest little flips with her big mane o' luscious hair, is also totally depressed that her more famous friends are quickly abandoning her, as she's just not the same hot celeb she used to be.

Hell, who needs friends like that? Good riddance, we say!

Get yourself to an AA meeting, Lucretia. Then you might realize this man you're with now isn't exactly looking out for your best interests, and neither are your avaricious relatives.

Sober up and smell the Starbucks, honey.

And It Ain't: Bristol Palin, Mo'Nique, Brittny Gastineau

2: Never really understood the more voyeuristic side of Hollywood, like Petered Metered, the Hollywood star who lives to watch porn or gay boys doing it in front of him in his big lux Los Angeles mansion. Operative words being in front of him. Not with him. Excuse me?

Maybe this is something the equally rich—and equally seasoned—Prince Horebart Hairplug can understand? I dare say he can, as Horey lives to corral all the good-looking young men he can find, just so they can strip down and screw right in front of him! And keep in mind, we're talkin' young (though not underage), sweethearts. A little baby-fat never hurt Hairplug's libido. In fact, just the opposite.

And before you ask what does Prince—whose multi-talented reputation reaches many entertainment venues—hear from his partner while he's off watching all this rosy-cheeked fornication, just know it's most likely, "Enjoy!"

I swear, what is it with these celebrity couples who allow each other to cheat and then naively expect everything to just keep on keepin' on after the fact. Stupid!

Or not. Prince and his much younger other half have been together for some time, so maybe this open-relationship stuff does work for a select few? Perhaps.

Still, what's far more perplexing to us is what's the pointing of all this vicarious sex stuff? Why the hell not actually partake in all the supple fun? Oh, I get it—by not touching, do these horny idiots actually think they're not cheating?

That would just be classic.

And it ain't: Matthew McConaughey, Patrick Wilson, Prince

This week's exclusions:

Priscilla Desert is not Selena Gomez.

Tony and Eva Longoria-Parker have been the subject of a Blind Vice.

Michael Emerson, Carrie Preston, Vanessa Minnillo and Nick Lachey have not been a BV.

One of the following guesses is "warm" and the other three are not: Rihanna for Strawberry Snort'Em; Dianna Agron for Lorin Sniffle-Puss; Eminem for Oded Good-Head; Russell Brand for Altar-Ego Salami. Now, Eminem was eliminated a long time ago for OGH, and Rihanna supposedly has a lifetime Get Out Of Vice Free card, which leaves Russell and Dianna. Which do you think is which?

For those keeping score, of the people mentioned this week:

-Altar-Ego Salami is not any of these people.
-Lorin Sniffle-Puss is not any of these people.
-Oded Good-Head is not any of these people.
-Priscilla Desert is not any of these people.
-Strawberry Snort'Em is not any of these people.

3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9

Congrats to amkf, yssim999 and eusashead for correctly solving the last puzzle! (From now on, I'll do these every other week.)

MTV is casting the 26th season of its iconic reality series, The Real World. The senior casting director is sure he's found the frachise's newest star, Devon, the 24 year old heir to the Depends fortune who hails from Minnesota and owns parakeets named after the members of Destiny's Child. Despite his advanced age, MTV cast him first, certain that he will produce a remarkable amount of drama in any number of future RW/RR Challenges. Six lucky people get to spend a few months in a Trenton, NJ apartment with Devon (three of whom--Arthur, Edward and Dylan--are men, and three of whom--Caycee, Tabitha and Jess-- are women). Each one is from a different state (one grew up in California) and range in age from 18 to 23. Like Devon, each one has his or her own "charming" personality quirk. From the information provided, can you determine each member's name, age, home state, job and quirk?

1. Caycee is exactly two years younger than the Poli-Sci major (who is male), who is exactly 2 years younger than the one who thinks he or she is an alien (who is not Jess).
2. The McDonald's cashier is one year older than the person who's been divorced three times (who is not the aspiring actor).
3. The hot tub-phobic is older than the drummer. Jess is older than the racist (who is not from Illinois).
4. Edward is older than the pot dealer (who is a female Wyoming native), but younger than both the housemate from Florida and the one from Illinois.
5. Arthur (who is not from South Carolina) is two years younger than the man who is the binge drinker, who is two years younger than the person from Ohio.

Have fun! Here is a grid you can either print out or paste into your favorite graphics editor. Go here for more info on how to solve these. First one to reply with the correct solution wins. If you want to "hide" your guesses, cut and paste the following code:

Tags: blind item

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