Scott Pilgrim Vs Springfield

Exclusive renditions of the cult comic characters...

1. Scott Pilgrim

Michael Cera

Character Guide: Twenty-two-years-old. Layabout. Doesn’t drink alcohol. Dating a 17-year-old.

If He Lived In Springfield: Scott winds up friends with Jimbo Jones and his gang, mostly because they’ve bonded over being total direction-less slackers. Also, he’s not afraid of their wedgie threats, considering his ability to, y’know, kick le derriers. 

2. Ramona Flowers

Mary Elizabeth Winstead

Character Guide: Age unknown. Works for Amazon. Changes hair colour every week. Is super cool and stuff.

If She Lived In Springfield: Moe hires Ramona as his hip, fit new bartender - but only as a way of enticing customers in off the street. When his suggestions for work attire start to worry her (hint: less is more), Ramona decides it’s probably safer to work at the Kwik-E-Mart. 

3. Wallace Wells

Kieran Culkin

Character Guide: Scott’s roommate. Sardonic and cool. Gay. Doesn’t like wearing trousers. Does like boys.

If He Lived In Springfield: Bored of the town's lack of colour, Wallace sets up a gay night at Moe’s, inciting a coming out craze. Todd and Rod Flanders shock their father by wearing leather trousers and getting their tongues pierced, while Ranier Wolfcastle becomes the first gay celebrity living in Springfield. (He tells any naysayers to “talk to the hand”.) 

4. Stacey Pilgrim

Anna Kendrick

Character Guide: Long-suffering sibling. Works at Second Cup coffee shop. Young Neil loves her. Friends with Julie.

If She Lived In Springfield: Stacey works part-time at the Springfield Retirement Castle because it pays better than babysitting – plus she’s sort of scared of babysitting after Ralph got lost in subspace and then stuffed a load of bob-ombs up his nose. 

5. Gideon Gordon Graves

Jason Schwartzman

Character Guide: Evilest of Roman’s evil exes. Created the League Of Roman’s Evil Ex-Boyfriends. Wears glasses. We hate him.

If He Lived In Springfield: Opening an arcade he calls Chaos Theater Springfield, Gideon brainwashes the town into partying there 24/7 using his mind control skills. When the arcade threatens even Mr. Burns’ empire, the aged one schemes to destroy Gideon once and for all in a Tron-style showdown… 

6. Todd Ingram

Brandon Routh

Character Guide: Vegan. Plays bass for Clash At Demonhead. Sort of psychic (because he’s vegan). Dating Envy Adams. (Scott’s own evil ex.)

If He Lived In Springfield: Ingram causes a scandal in Springfield when he convinces Mayor Quimby to ban all meat. Duly, vegan supplements are shipped into supermarkets instead. Outraged that he’s no longer able to eat a double cheeseburger topped with five bacon rashes and half a chicken, Homer Simpson leads a campaign to stop the insanity.

7. Lucas Lee

Chris Evans

Character Guide: Totally hot right now. Actor. Another of Ramona’s exes. Doesn’t take no sh*t.

If He Lived In Springfield: Movie star Lee comes to Springfield looking for his father, and discovers it’s none other than mob boss Fat Tony. Welcomed back with open arms, Lee ditches his Hollywood life and re-enters the family business, offing goons for his pa. But when one of his victims professes to be a massive fan, can Lee finish the job? And, more importantly, is he really happy? 

8. Edgar Wright


Character Guide: Geeky. But cool with it. British. But cool with it. Director. But cool with it.

If He Lived In Springfield: Spying Springfield as a petri dish of odd lives lived oddly, Wright endeavours to create the first ever cartoon documentary (lovingly labelled ‘Toon Much Information), convincing 'Field residents to let him film them going about their everyday lives. To spice things up, he plants explosive devices in various locations, makes prank phone calls and wheels Simon Pegg in - then films the ensuing Springfieldian carnage. We smell a hit. 

I love the one of Edgar Wright: Geeky. But cool with it. British. But cool with it. Director. But cool with it.