Inspired by Lauren Leto’s “Stereotyping People By Their Favorite Author,” we realized the incredible potential for a mercilessly judgmental list of indie band stereotypes. It is a common fact that Cormac McCarthy readers are men who don’t eat cream cheese, but what about those who listen to The XX on repeat and The Flaming Lips on hallucinogens? They need labels, too. After the jump, in collaboration with contributor Jeff Luppino-Esposito, we lay down the reckless assumptions.
Blog enthusiasts who thought wearing a keffiyeha was awesome.
Bros vaguely interested in listening to music and very interested in having sex with their girlfriend.
The Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Girls who bought checkered sneakers in the 8th grade.
Hopelessly patchy beard growers.
TV On The Radio
People who think that world hunger could be assuaged with four part harmonies.
Micachu and the Shapes
Chicks with bad teeth.
Dudes who think low production value is “authentic” and would go down on Todd P.
Alts who don’t “get” Hipster Runoff.
People who have considered befriending a squirrel.
People who have considered becoming a squirrel.
Guys who make “Best of the Year” lists in January based predominantly on “feeling.”
Boys who enjoy crying more than their girlfriend.
Girls who purchase a guitar, buy flannel from the Salvation Army, wear glasses that they don’t actually need, and still can’t get the guy.
Bros who try to make out with girls at concerts by relating to them via old Nickelodeon shows. “Remember Pete & Pete??”
Death Cab for Cutie
Girls who quote lyrics as their Facebook status.
Gorilla Vs. Bear readers.
She & Him
People who hate Ben Gibbard.
People with self-esteem issues and probably hate Ben Gibbard.
Those who comfortably accept chillwave as a genre.
Those who comfortably accept chillwave as a lifestyle.
Premature alts who considered Garden State a life-altering viewing experience.
Tegan & Sara
Lesbians and guys who firmly believe that when there are two girls on stage together, there is a 63% chance of them making out.
Indie rap fans who thought Tha Carter III was too mainstream.
Ra Ra Riot
Girls who got their boyfriends to watch Me and You and Everyone We Know.
Bat for Lashes
Girls who wear leggings outside of ’80s-themed parties.
Guys who only read Pitchfork for the ratings and haven’t showered in at least two days.
Chicks who are described by their girlfriends as “sweet” and “really nice” when guys ask if their friend is hot.
Anyone who thinks The Catcher in Rye is the greatest book of all time.
Blipsters who still wear neon shoes and smoke pot.
The Flaming Lips
Self-actualized bros who grow pot.
Antony and the Johnsons
Guys who still cry every time they watch Bambi.
Matt and Kim
Closeted Blink-182 enthusiasts.
Here We Go Magic
Guys who are ‘over’ Gizzly Bear.
People who don’t listen to enough music.
People who believe in two things: Jesus and Juno.
Girls who don’t understand politics.
Girls who don’t understand boys.
Bros who, at one point in their lives, have tried to grow a mustache.
Frequent transcendental experience havers.
Guys who go to concerts to relax.
Someone who, if presented with the opportunity to join a cult, would most definitely join that cult.
Boys who think Ocarina of Time is the greatest game ever made.
Girls who throw up at every party.
Indie dudes who wear beanies and you can see the front of their hair pulled back beneath it.
Bros who drink shitty beer without ironic intentions.
People who like way too many toppings on their pizza.