Has a song's lyrics had such a profound emotional effect on you it was as if they were inscribed on your very soul? Well, we're pretty sure these probably didn't do that. Take a look at these lyrically-challenged tunes.
"Lucky that my breasts
Are small and humble
So you don't confuse
Them with mountains"
Uhm, OK? We guess the sultry-hipped Columbian beauty is trying to say that she's about more than just her body. Maybe? But there's a key flaw in her feminist plans: Drawing attention to her breasts -- whatever size -- will only make us think about them more.
"I ain't never seen
An ass like that
The way you move it
You make my pee-pee go
--"Ass Like That"
Granted Slim Shady's lyrical style is often juvenile at best, but this may be too puerile even for him. Sure, ladies may sometimes like a little bawdy talk but sounding like you're fresh out of diapers probably isn't the best way to deliver it. Plus, you might want to rethink calling it a "pee-pee," dude.
"Coast to coast
L.A. to Chicago"
Sade is a sophisticated lady who delivers smooth adult contemporary hits with a soulful groove. She has never claimed to be a genius of geography -- but Chicago is very obviously not on a coast (and we're pretty sure she's not talking about the "coast" of Lake Michigan here.) Seriously, being a British citizen shouldn't excuse you from opening an atlas once in awhile.
"I'm as serious as cancer
When I say rhythm is a dancer"
--"Rhythm is a Dancer"
We'd be the first to admit that both rhythm and dancing are awesome. Shoot, we'd even give you that a dancer could be so excellent at their craft they may, in fact, be the personification of rhythm itself. All that said, is it really necessary to be "serious as cancer" when you're telling us about it? And don't use rhyming as an excuse.
James, James, James. The art of lyrics is in taking something universal you want to say (e.g. "I love you") and creatively saying it so that it is fresh and new, yet touches on the original universality of the feeling ("You complete me.") Not just coming out and saying it. That's just lame. No matter how many times you repeat it.
"We built this city on rock and roll."
--"We Built This City"
No, Starship, not with lyrics like that you didn't.
"Against the grain should be a way of life
What's worth the price is always worth the fight
Every second counts 'cause there's no second try
So live like you're never living twice
Don't take the free ride in your own life"
--"If Today Was Your Last Day"
Are you sure you managed to fit all the clichés you possibly could into those five lines, guys? There might be a few hanging out on some dude's T-shirt down at the mall or maybe on a poster in a guidance counselor's office you may have missed.
Black Eyed Peas
"What you gon' do with all that junk?
All that junk inside your trunk?
I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps."
You really can't appreciate how ridiculous the lyrics to this song are until you read them without any vocal or musical accompaniment. Add to this the fact we're still confused by which of the two possible sexy feminine body parts Fergie is singing about and that, no matter which, we'd probably not want to get "drunk" off of whatever might be excreted from them and you're just scratching the surface of the badness.
"Only time will tell
If we stand the test of time."
--'Why Can't This Be Love?'
When you spend about 99.998 per cent of your recording budget and recording time on drinking tequila, playing Super Mario Bros., growing "hilarious" facial hair, going to strip clubs and hanging out in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, and the rest on actually writing and recording songs, it's no surprise you wrote these lyrics, Sammy Haggar.
"Sadness is beautiful loneliness that's tragical."
--"Shape of My Heart"
Sigh. Dear Backstreet Boys: Please stop trying to make up words that don't exist. It's not cool or poetic; it's just sad and, frankly, makes you look a little dumb. Also, while we have you, making up the word from combining "tragic" and "magical" was -- ironically -- tragical. Congratulations.
"I would do anything for love
But I won't do that."
--"I'd Do Anything for Love"
Won't do what, Meatloaf? Eat another party-size sub alone in the dark and cry yourself to sleep? We all know that would be a lie.
So ONTD, what lyric do you think should make the list for worst song lyric ever?