jesse pinkman (scargo) wrote in ohnotheydidnt,
jesse pinkman

The TV Shows That Give America a Bad Name -- Literally

As our nation celebrates the Fourth of July this week and everything our country has achieved, we have to wonder if our forefathers would roll in their collective graves if they could see how the name "America" has been adopted by some of TV's most questionable offerings over the years. Here are the ten shows that most make us worry about America's image here and abroad.

10. "Greatest American Hero"
Ralph Hinkley was such a dope that when aliens gave him a pimped-out suit with special powers that could help make the world better... he lost the instructions. Hardly a worthy representative of the USA.

9. "American Gladiators"
Great, let's make the world think that America's best competitors are beefy, muscle-bound freaks who look like they spend all day long downing performance-enhancing "sports drinks" and getting Mystic tans.

8. "America's Next Top Model"
Tyra Banks has unleashed a plethora of model wannabes onto the unsuspecting world of international high fashion, and let's just say they're hardly America's finest. Some of them can barely read cue cards or even speak English properly.

7. "American Dad"
The safety of America is entrusted to this guy? That's a terrifying thought. Sure this CIA agent is patriotic, but his skills are pretty lame. He's no Sydney Bristow from "Alias," that's for sure. Now that was a stellar example of the U.S. in action.

6. "The Secret Life of the American Teenager"
Sure, we're not the only country in which teenagers get knocked up while they're still in high school, but do we really want to brag about it? "Juno" was bad enough, wasn't it?

5. "American Gothic"
We could've always used more tourist dollars, so perhaps showing visitors how our small towns are brimming with supernatural killers wasn't the best advertisement we could think of.

4. "America's Funniest Home Videos"
No one may ever get seriously injured -- despite the many, many crotch-hits -- on this show, but our pride as a country has certainly been damaged. Thanks a lot, Tom Bergeron.

3. "America's Most Wanted"
The fact that this show never has a problem coming up with dangerous new criminals to profile each week says a lot about our society. If we didn't live here, this show would make us want to stay away.

2. "American Idol"
The most popular TV series in the U.S. and the best thing about it is the British guy. We truly hope the folks overseas don't think we all idolize Paula's inane comments, Randy's butchering of the language, Kara's utter uselessness or ridiculous contestants like William Hung.

1. "America's Got Talent"
The "talented" Americans featured on this show have ranged from a guy setting fire to his nether regions to a woman smashing six-packs with her enormous breasts to a dude crooning a love song to David Hasselhoff. We ain't pledging allegiance to that!


Tags: list, television
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