You've likely gathered from the recent reports of rabid catfights, changed locks and restraining orders: Somewhere in the world, a lesbian couple has just broken up. After all, popular culture tells us that straight girls get crazy during breakups and, so, two chicks calling it quits equals twice the crazy. But these aren't just any two crazy chicks, they're two famous, or famously crazy, chicks: Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson.
Yes, LiLo and SamRo are dunzo. (Technically, they're taking a "break." To which everyone in the audience who has ever been on a "break" can wisely respond: Mhmm.) So far, the narrative has stuck to the stereotypical Sapphic script, complete with a violent eruption of searing emotional magma. Lohan Twittered that she had been cheated on, they broke up, Ronson changed her locks and her whole family sought a restraining order against her spurned lover. Then Lohan was allegedly seen "chugging vodka and crying" in public and those "close" to her warn that she "might lash out" -- at any moment! Cue: "Psycho" theme song.
While we're on the subject of sexual stereotypes, and Lindsay Lohan, I would be remiss in not mentioning Eminem's new music video for "We Made You" (written about earlier in War Room). In it, Lohan and Ronson look-alikes suck face while the rascally rapper pleads, "Lindsay, please come back to seein' men/ Samantha's a 2, you're practically a 10." Ah yes, the classic appeal to "just switch sides." Later on, the fake Ronson does battle with Eminem -- dressed as Spock, for no explicable reason -- on "Planet Womyn," where a crowd of butch lesbians cheer her on. (Eminem further illustrates his masculine inferiority complex by punching a Portia de Rossi impersonator in the leg and asking, "What's Ellen DeGeneres have that I don't?" Answering that question could get me in trouble.)
There just might be some cosmic irony in these synchronized pop culture happenings. I'll leave you with the chorus found in Eminem's latest video, which, by the way, shows Kim Kardashian being fed into a wood chipper that then shoots out money: "Everybody wants you, who can really blame you, we're the ones who made you."