It's that time of the week again

Blind Vice: Another Gay Hunk Bites the Dust

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Judas Jack-Off is a stunningly beautiful star. Gorgeous hair, supple muscles, good pro résumé, too. He's also as hot as he is coy and conniving. But by comparison, let's just say J.J. makes our ever-shy, closeted movie idol Toothy Tile look like an out-and-out saint of gay liberation and openness.

See, Judas, a gangly type with flat abs and the concrete ass to go with it, was planning on marrying his boyfriend. Out of the country, mind you, but marriage just the same. To a man! You know, one of those big gay ceremonies that probably makes Ken Starr think about popping pills again.

Huge prob: Judas' myriad fans would have gone ape-crap over this happy Romeo-and-Romeo fact had they ever found out, which is exactly why Judas—at his representatives' behest—went ahead and...

...not only dumped his partner and fiancé, but he took up with his latest leading lady instead. Jeez, how 2008, already.

And all because a pile of veteran Hollywood starmakers told J.J. that his way-decent career would become about as relevant as Lindsay Lohan's alcohol ankle monitor should he get hitched to the BF. And I can't decide which is the best part of all, that every tabloid around is buying J.J.'s just-pumped-up fake romance, or that Judas had the (typical) ass-wipe nerve to go back to the poor, dumped boyfriend and want sex.

What is it about dudes and dogs? So seldom can you tell the diff.

And It Ain't: Joe Jonas, Robert Pattinson, Jake Gyllenhaal


Dear Ted:
Besides his obviously bizarre personal life, is Toothy Tile generally regarded by the public as being eccentric?
—Lynn, Connecticut

Dear Actions or Words:
His public appearances are hardly odd. Not for this town.

Dear Ted:
Is Casey Affleck the infamous Toothy Tile? Is Catherine Zeta-Jones the scandalous Fake à la Ferocity?

Dear Twice the Vice:
No to both. FALF is dwindling Lohan style; Jones seems quite healthy.

Dear Ted:
I apologize if this has been asked before, but can you tell me if that cutie Bradley Cooper has ever been the subject of one of your blind items? Thanks!

Dear Super Snoop:
Sure thing, baby!

Dear Ted:
OK, I am thinking Prius Crotch-Catch and Wally from One Black Boys Are Delicious Blind Vice are Paris Hilton and P. Diddy? Or Teri Hatcher?

Dear Perfect Match:
How close you are on that first pair.

Dear Ted:
I was just watching HSM3 and my gaydar was off the charts when it came to Zac Efron. Any chance he's Toothy Tile or Nevis Divine?

Dear Homofron:
Zac's too young to be Toothy. Fab guess on Nevis though, but wrong guy. Think less dimply.

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