Angel Manuel Vazquez II (sporkier) wrote in ohnotheydidnt,
Angel Manuel Vazquez II

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Hollywood's 10 Hottest Anti-Cheerleaders

There is something to be said for the cute, quiet girl in the corner of the classroom wearing glasses. Her hair might not be done, and her clothes are a bit outdated, but her cute smile and nice eyes shouldn't go unnoticed.

Unfortunately, as cute, smart and nice as she is, 99.9 percent of men spent their school years salivating and staring at the cheerleaders, seemingly mesmerized by the hypnotic color patterns on their skirts. Furthermore, the cheerleaders and cool crowd as a group do such damage to the quiet girl's self-confidence that she never truly lets loose -- at least not until the Girls Gone Wild crew shows up years later at a college nightclub.

The sad fact is, too many incredibly cute girls have long gone underappreciated or unnoticed altogether. As someone that is guilty of such misgivings in the past, I'm hoping to make up for the mistakes of my youth by presenting Hollywood's 10 Hottest Anti-Cheerleaders.

While some of these girls might have cheered at some point in their past, they've been chosen because they go against the traditional cheerleader template. They lack blonde hair and blue eyes, or they wear glasses. These beauties have become famous for their talent as well as their looks. You'll find Harvard and Yale graduates, concert-quality pianists and a self-professed geek.

No. 10: Alicia Witt. How much more anti-cheerleader can you get than home schooling? Witt learned to talk at age 2, to read at age 4 and earned her GED at 14. She later went on to win several national and international classical piano competitions, including the Bartok-Kabalevsky International Piano Competition.

Witt came to national attention on the sitcom Cybill from 1995 to 1998. Sopranos fans will remember Alicia as a Hollywood executive who had a short tryst with Christopher Multisanti.

Bonus fact: Witt's mother was noted from 1988-93 in the Guinness Book of Records for the world's longest hair.

No. 9: Sarah Palin/Tina Fey. That's right, two for the price of one! Fey's spot-on portrayal of Palin on SNL was accurate right down to the flirtatious wink, so why shouldn't they be together?

Both Fey and Palin are extremely cute, bordering on the edge of hot. Regardless of your political affiliation, if you watched Palin debate Thursday night, you have at least a small crush building right now. And for the most part, Fey has long been an object of desire for guys with a thing for teachers or girls with glasses.

No. 8: Rashida Jones. We've gotten used to hot daughters of millionaire moguls having little to no work ethic and even less intelligence. Gorgeous Rashida Jones is the exact opposite, having graduated from Harvard in 1997.

At just 5, the daughter of Quincy Jones was already playing classical concerts and winning awards. Luckily for us, Rashida has ditched her original goal of becoming a lawyer as a result of the O.J. Simpson murder case.

No. 7: Jennifer Beals. Everyone's favorite maniac on the floor is no longer dancing like she's never danced before, but she still possesses the beauty and anti-cheerleader intellect worthy of this list. Beals graduated from the Francis W. Parker School and Yale, receiving a B.A. in American literature in 1987.

But for men, Beals will always be 18-year-old Alex from Flashdance, a welder by day and exotic dancer by night. Most recently, Beals jumped back into the limelight as Bette Porter, an Ivy League educated lesbian on Showtime's The L Word.

No. 6: Laura Prepon. Playing opposite my personal favorite, Mila Kunis, on That '70s Show, Prepon has long been an underappreciated beauty. When Prepon went blonde, the world lost one of its greatest and hottest redheads.

By dating Eric Forman, a skinny, mama's boy, Prepon gave hope to millions of nerds around the world. Unfortunately for most of them, however, there is no Donna living right next door.

No. 5: Jenna Fischer. Fans of The Office are cheering out loud right now, since anyone familiar with Pam Beesly is absolutely in love with her. For whatever reason, Fischer long played roles where her looks and sexuality were almost completely hidden.

Luckily for us all, Fischer's characters in Blades of Glory and Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story allowed us all to see Jenna at her best. In particular, if you haven't seen her in Walk Hard, just fast forward to the scenes with Dewey Cox meeting The Beatles. Trust me, you'll thank me for it.

No. 4: Rosario Dawson. Is there really an explanation needed here? A self-professed geek and comic book fan, Dawson is far from the typical Hollywood hottie.

A perfect blend of Puerto Rican, Afro-Cuban, Irish and Native American ancestry, Dawson is on every man's radar after starring roles in Sin City, Clerks II and The 25th Hour. As Naturelle Riviera in Spike Lee's The 25th Hour, Dawson sported a school girl outfit and the greatest silver dress ever created. Once again, you'll thank me after you rent that one.

No. 3: Kate Beckinsale. Try to put the leather outfit from Underworld out of your mind for one minute here. Kate made this list because she twice won the W.H. Smith Young Writers' competition -- once for three short stories and once for three poems.

Beckinsale attended college at Oxford, where in her first year she was offered a part in Kenneth Branagh's big-screen film Much Ado About Nothing -- adapted from the Shakespeare play. She then went on to finish her studies in Paris before focusing on her acting career and becoming the object of everyone's desire.

No. 2: Jennifer Connelly. If you've never wanted to be locked overnight inside a department store, then you might not know our No. 2. In the 1991 romantic comedy Career Opportunities, Connelly made Frank Whaley the luckiest man in the world, as she and the always-lying character played by Whaley were literally locked inside a Target-style store overnight.

Adding to her anti-cheerleader nature, Connelly attended Yale and studied English but eventually transferred to Stanford, where she finished her bachelor's. Connelly also speaks fluent French and Italian, adding even a little more intrigue to one of the hottest actresses of all time.

No. 1: Natalie Portman. Forget about how bad the Star Wars films she was in were for now and know that Portman completed her bachelor's degree in psychology at Harvard. She has also pursued graduate studies in Jerusalem, continuing to live up to her billing as Hollywood's Hottest Anti-Cheerleader.

After beginning her career in the early 1990s, Portman has played the cute, unassuming role in most of her films. But the 2005 drama Closer was the first time Portman portrayed an overtly sexual character, and men can't thank the director enough.

Bonus fact: I actually saw Natalie Portman in New York at the Bodies exhibit, where she nearly bumped into my girlfriend while viewing the bodies. Unfortunately, they did not bump into one another, fall down on the floor and break out into a full-on makeout session. But that doesn't mean I can't use my imagination, damn it!


Okay, I put pictures... 'cause who am I kidding. I'm never going to get around to job hunting today.
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