Desire can cause heart attacks (citygirlamandab) wrote in ohnotheydidnt,
Desire can cause heart attacks

Jason Mraz masturbates...a lot.

New blog from Mr. Mraz posted today exploring the working of a promotional tour such as his...

American as Apple Pie Graphs

I'm often asked how I find time for correspondence and blogging. Most people assume since I don't have any gigs listed this week or next, that I'm just sitting around playing with myself and killing time. That isn't entirely false. I'm still on tour, but as a salesman and spokesperson for "We Sing. We Dance. We Steal Things."

This is called a promotional tour. I'll appear in as many as 10 countries over the course of 4 weeks, sometimes hitting 3 to 4 cities a day. If the myth is true about how big your carbon footprint is… then I may have the biggest dick in all the land.

I've worked up some pie charts to show how time is spent on a promotional tour versus other kinds of schedules.

1: The current Promo Tour:
Note how much time is spent talking about music compared to how much time is spent actually playing music. The 5% of time waiting for luggage is purposefully larger due to the uncertainty of this wait period. Sometimes the luggage never comes.

2: On an Actual Tour:
This is a well-balanced & more proportional program and is the norm for most bands on the run. The magnitude of masturbation increases in an effort to avoid temptation, while food prep doesn't even make the chart, thanks to catering services and a personal chef.

3: The huh?
Sometimes, a promo tour is combined with an advertised tour. This usually happens right before a record comes out. It is chock full of double-bookings and oh-so repetitive "no-repeat workdays." So the math never adds up. In fact, the frequency of sleeping goes into a negative range that can't be measured on any graph.

4. The Yeah.
When at home, the mind, body, and spirited Gods of Music are appeased. I'll spend as much time on a computer as I would opening a can of cat food. And it's fair to mention the thought of masturbating is naught, thanks to the much-appreciated "homecoming" courtesy of a mermaid girlfriend. It is obvious which is my favorite kind of pie.

I hope you found this data insightful. Whether you're a dreamer, an artist, or a label about to offer a 360 deal, it never hurts to have an insider's perspective.

Source: Jason Mraz' blog.
(Best celebrity blogger imo. Actually imo he's the best celebrity, period.)
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