By Emily Feimster
Around these parts, image is everything. Forget what's on the inside. It's what's on the outside that counts! Luckily, there are many ways to keep score when it comes to who's made it and who's an also-ran in Hollywood. Here are just a few.
You know you've really made it when:
• Harry Winston is offering millions in diamonds and a bodyguard for a night on the red carpet.
• A photo of you leaving the gym in sweats and a ball cap makes the tabloids.
• They'll hold your ride for you if you're running a little late - and your ride is a Gulfstream jet.
• Your entourage has more members than the USC marching band.
• Nate 'n Al's deli names a sandwich after you.
• It takes an airplane hangar to house your collection of Porsches (like Jerry Seinfeld).
• Your trainer is on call 24 hours a day.
• Your shrink is on call 24 hours a day.
• Your stylist is on call 24 hours a day.
• Your eyebrow plucker is on call 24 hours a day.
• They'll let you run in the Boston Marathon as a celebrity participant, without qualifying (like David James Elliott).
• You keep botox syringes in an iced cavier server - and have arrangements to restock it at will (like?well, we probably shouldn't say?a well-known blond?we'll leave it at that).
• You show your eco responsibility by buying Priuses -- for your assistant and your kid's nanny. For you, it's the customized Hummer, the Mercedes-Benz S-600 with the hand-fitted Nappa leather seats, voice-activated phone, 12-speaker audio system, and satellite-based DVD, or, if you're feeling frisky, the Ducati superbike.
• The value of your awards show "goodie bags" for one year is greater than the GNP of three developing countries.
• Your Chihuahua has her own stunt double.
• Julia Roberts gets scripts with YOUR fingerprints on them.
• You have a deal for a cook for your pet iguana built into your movie contract (like Jim Carrey).
• The guy standing in the bushes outside your home is holding a camera, not hedge clippers.
• Several top-tier universities vie to confer an honorary degree on you, despite your 1.7 grade point average.
• You're asked to consider running for political office - by both parties.
• Paris Hilton crashes your party.