-Alicia Keyes performs...with Frank Sinatra...he rolls in his grave
-Carrie Underwood performs "Before He Cheats" then shouts while people bang stuff around
-Prince struts on stage in a red suit to present the award for Best Female R&B Performance
Best Female R&B Vocal Performance
* Mary J. Blige, "Just Fine"
* Fantasia, "When I See You"
* Chrisette Michele, "If I Have My Way"
* Jill Scott, "Hate on Me"
WINNER: Alicia Keys, "No One"
-Jimmy Jam performs with the Time for their first performance in 15 years. (what...)
-Rihanna pops out with some umbrellas during The Time's performance to do Umbrella and Please Don't Stop the Music
-Tom Hanks head expands 6 inches around live on air as he announces a Lifetime Achievement Award to The Band (Not P Diddy's 'The Band'.) Then introduces a tribute to The Beatles.
-Cirque Du Soliel's "Love" performs for the Beatles. An umbrella grows legs, a woman is killed by magic ceiling ropes and then a car exploded.
-A boy wanders on stage and sings Let It Be. No word on whether "soy bomb" is written on his chest.
-Cyndi Lauper and Miley Cyrus take the stage. 4 Horsemen seen running out of the theater. They present the award for Best New Artist.
Best New Artist
* Taylor Swift
WINNER: Amy Winehouse
-Jason Bateman is not let into the Staples Center. He tells people about the My Grammy Moment contest. Everyone uses this as a bathroom break.
-Kanye begins to preform. Fire erupts, his shirt glimmers. This will be amazing. His glasses light up as well. I begin to freak out. Daft Punk appears out of an ancient pyramid. Yes kanye, this is what I been waiting for.
-Kanye sings "Hey Mamma." Everyone sheds a tear. RIP Mamma West.
-3 million people go hug their moms with tears in their eyes.
-Fergie performs with John Legend. Everyone is disappointed with her effort at an emotional song.
-Best Soundtrack is presented by Fergie.
Best Compilation Soundtrack Album for Motion Picture, Television or Other Visual Media
* Across the Universe
Its a Beatles Kind of Night
-Cher goes ginger, makes a joke, and introduces Tina Turner and Beyonce.
-Thunder is heard for miles around, it is just beyonce's thighs
-Tina Turner appears in a wig that Oprah will surely steal within a week.
-Also, her nipples are peeping through the fabric ^_^
-PROUD MARY. The crowd goes wild. People pray for a wig to fly off.
-Andy Williams, Nelly Furtado and some chick present the award for Song of the year.
Song of the Year
* Carrie Underwood, "Before He Cheats"
* Plain White T's, "Hey There Delilah"
* Corinne Bailey Rae, "Like a Star"
* Rihanna, "Umbrella"
WINNER: Amy Winehouse, "Rehab"
-Jason Bateman continues his battle to get into the Staples Center. He tries to divert the attention by announcing the winner of the My Grammy Moment contest. Its Anne Marie Cal~houn~. Then he introduces Foo Fighters.
-The commercial breaks seem extra long. I grow weary.
-With the writers strike and lack of funny people, CBS settles for George Lopez. Makes race jokes, no one is surprised or amused. He introduces Brad Paisley.
-Chris Brown, Solange and Akon present the award for Best Rap Album. Chris Brown's package is massive. Its strange...no one pays attention to the award.
Best Rap Album
* Common, Finding Forever
* Jay-Z, Kingdom Come
* Nas, Hip Hop Is Dead
* T.I., T.I. vs T.I.P.
WINNER: Kanye West, Graduation
-Kanye's MAMA hair tribute is...special. He schools the producers on tact.
-Ludacris introduces Aretha Franklin and BeBe Winans.
-Boobs leave screen. Ratings plummet.
-Boobs return disguised as honeydews.
-Carol King and a fellow named Dirk talks about a guy named Scrubs. They introduce Feist. A one, a two, a three, a four
-One of the memebrs of the group that one the first grammy for Best Vocal Group sings with Kid Rock. They present nominees for best rock album:
Best Rock Album
* Daughtry, Daughtry
* John Fogerty, Revival
* Bruce Springsteen, Magic
* Wilco, Sky Blue Sky
WINNER* Foo Fighters, Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace
Winners not on air, but important awards:
POST PART 2