May 26th, 2020

horny christmas

Doja Cat pulls a 'Lana' to try and explain herself but ends up....Fucking herself over more

Where to begin and dissect this... Doja went on ig live last night to try and do damage control. Her management/Dr. Luke's People already released a statement but Doja took it upon herself to come off as authentic. Doja said for the past three days she recorded several sorry messages and proceeded to flip through several pre taped apologies. Doja said fuck it wanted to come on live and talk to the fans when the Hashtags #DojaCatIsOverParty and #OnlyKlans began trending:
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source= &


What's the Best Streaming Service? An ONTD semi-Original

I was going to do something like this for an original, but then I realized:

I don't actually subscribe to any streaming service. But I have watched a lot of content from them "when I did"*.

So this is a semi-Ontd Original? Can we do that? We're doing it today. This ⬇ Is what Variety says

  • Most of these are world wide offerings; Hulu and HBOMax are US only, and Disney+ has limited availability worldwide.

  • Apple TV+ is cheapest @ $5/mo , technically Prime Video is most expensive.

  • HBO Max probably has the most content, with over 10,000 hours

  • NBC Universal's Peacock is also scheduled for July. I think we all forgot about that one.

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What streaming services do you spend money on?



ONTD Roundup

For May 22 - May 35, 2020:
ONTD Originals:
Yoda Flowers

New Books Hitting Shelves This Week

The Jane Austen Society

Just after the Second World War, in the small English village of Chawton, an unusual but like-minded group of people band together to attempt something remarkable.

One hundred and fifty years ago, Chawton was the final home of Jane Austen, one of England's finest novelists. Now it's home to a few distant relatives and their diminishing estate. With the last bit of Austen's legacy threatened, a group of disparate individuals come together to preserve both Jane Austen's home and her legacy. These people—a laborer, a young widow, the local doctor, and a movie star, among others—could not be more different and yet they are united in their love for the works and words of Austen. As each of them endures their own quiet struggle with loss and trauma, some from the recent war, others from more distant tragedies, they rally together to create the Jane Austen Society.

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Sources: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7
Body language

J.K. Rowling releases free children's story online

J.K. Rowling is releasing her new story 'The Ickabog' for free online. This is her first children's story since completing 'Harry Potter'.


Scott Derrickson to Direct 'Labyrinth' Sequel

Scott Derrickson is in talks to direct the sequel to the 80’s film, Labyrinth. The Hollywood Reporter also reports that Maggie Levin will write the script.

Labyrinth was a fantasy adventure about a teen (Jennifer Connelly) who went into a magical realm to rescue her baby brother, who kidnapped by a goblin king (David Bowie).

Labyrinth debuted in 1986 and was a financial disappointment, but has achieved cult status over the years.

Lisa Henson and Brian Henson of The Jim Henson Company will also be producers on the sequel.

Derrickson has previously directed The Exorcism of Emily Rose, Sinister, and Doctor Strange.


Alison Roman is going to read bell hooks now

Alison Roman, after giving an apology that sounded like "a woke Amazon Alexa," is back, baby! And now she's gonna be woke as hell!

On Twitter and Instagram, she said she wants to thank those who have taken the time to write her over the last few weeks. If you missed it, Roman received backlash after criticizing Chrissy Teigen and Marie Kondo for the empires they've built, while trying to shill a new line of vintage spoons reminiscent of Blake Lively's Preserve. People also came out of the woodwork to say she has a history of being one of the most toxic people in food media — especially toward Asian women.

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Sources 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

ONTD, have you ever had to performatively reveal your reading list after getting publicly dragged?

Celebrities React to the Murder of George Floyd by Minneapolis Police

Celebs are reacting to a now viral video taken by an onlooker Monday evening showing a Minneapolis police officer keeping his knee on the neck of a motionless, moaning man at the foot of a squad car. The man, who was later identified as George Floyd, later died. The police officers involved have been fired.

People are calling for their arrest and are protesting this evening.

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the video is hard to watch. the police need to be charged, now. RIP

Source 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Jimmy Fallon apologizes for doing black face. #jimmyfallonisoverparty

- An SNL sketch resurfaced and went viral of Jimmy Fallon doing blackface impersonating Chris Rock.
- The hashtag #jimmyfallonisoverparty soon began trending as well.
- Jimmy Fallon says “In 2000, while on SNL, I made a terrible decision to do an impersonation of Chris Rock while in blackface, there is no excuse for this. I am very sorry for making this unquestionably offensive decision and thank all of you for holding me accountable.”


Oh boy. Also, why are we giving Lorne Michaels a pass?

ONTD Most Overrated TV-Show: first round


Turns out that ONTD feels a lot about certain shows, but needed some time
to get to sixteen nominations. Nothing really matters anymore: today is the
first round of voting!

  • Plenty of shows missing because they didn't get to their twenty

  • Polls will be open for 12 hours from posting time

  • Yes, I know that not all are equally challenged - I tried my

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    Sources: me (already regretting this/modd bless you for finding that error), you, for that beautiful banner

NHL announces its possible summer return plan

The NHL has announced its possible plans of returning to the rink:

-- The regular season, which was put on pause on March 12, is officially over.
-- 24 teams -- 12 in each conference -- are advancing to the playoffs.
-- Each division will have its own "hub" city where games are played and teams are housed. Games will not have fans in attendance. Those cities have yet to be determined.

-- Phase 2 of returning will begin in early June and consist of regular testing, temperature checks, and 6-players-only training sessions. Team personnel are not allowed on ice and the media has been banned from practice facilities. Players who are away from their home team communities and rely on transport like commercial flights will need to self-quarantine for two weeks before they can go back to training.

-- Phase 3, set to start no earlier than July 1, will see more team members and personnel allowed in training facilities.

-- Phase 4 is when teams will begin playing. No date was announced.

This all, of course, relies on agreements between the NHL and the Player's Association on health, safety, and other issues. The Association has yet to approve any return plan.


Kate Middleton feels exhausted and trapped. Poor thing is "working as hard as a CEO"

Karen Middleton is the subject on the new cover of posh magazine Tatler. The issue has been published to let y'all peasants know that without her, the future of the United Kingdom is doomed.

On her workload: ‘Of course she’s smiling and dressing appropriately but she doesn’t want this. She feels exhausted and trapped. She’s working as hard as a top CEO, who has to be wheeled out all the time, without the benefits of boundaries and plenty of holidays.’
She can't go on vacations or enjoy her castle thanks to you stupid peasants and their charity work. Uggh...

Her stoic dull personality: ‘It’s why she is so well suited. She keeps her head down because the prize of being queen is so great. She models herself on the Queen and now speaks like the Queen.’ Slay mayoo queeen with that half-dead stare.

"Won't somebody think of the children": Kate knows what the country needs and wants. Championing how to raise your children is perfect,’ one friend points out, of the Duchess’s ability to appear like a down-to-earth parent during a couple 10 minutes Zoom appearances.

And of course, since they can't keep the other two out of this narrative: A friend of the Cambridges speaking to Tatler magazine revealed: ‘William and Catherine really wanted to be hands-on parents and the Sussexes have effectively thrown their three children under a bus.’

Kate can’t make the school run! The insider went on to call Meghan Markle and Prince Harry ‘so selfish’ for their behavior, adding that their decision would have profound impacts on the Cambridge’s family life. ‘There goes their morning school runs as the responsibilities on them now are enormous.’ How in the hell are they going to fit the school morning run on top of their 2 weekly 10 minute zoom meetings and charity galas? Poor thing....

Kate the Kingmaker: Popular with courtiers, who admire her fuss-free ability to ‘get the job done’, as well as with her loyal royal staff, in the almost-decade since she joined ‘the Firm’, she’s more than proven her abilities as a royal consort. Indeed, she’s gone so far as to be dubbed ‘a kingmaker’.

Meghan made Karen cry over some tights: On the wedding day, ‘It was a hot day and apparently there was a row over whether the bridesmaids should wear tights or not. Kate, following protocol, felt that they should. Meghan didn’t want them to.’ The royal went on to ‘put Meghan in her place’, reprimanding her for speaking down to Kensington Palace staff.

Mind you, you can find all of this and more in the new issue of this magazine, which I'm sure has the latest on how to be a poor overworked and exhausted aristocrat in pandemic times.

Fun fact: the editor of this magazine is Richard Dennen, who's Kate good/old friend from college ;)


Truth About Katie Holmes’ Financial Problems


The tabloids are making allegations that Katie Holmes is “running out of cash.”

Various magazines say Katie Holmes Is Living Paycheck To Paycheck. They allege that the actress had been “shilling” for various products to make up for a downturn in her career. "[She] gets paid for showing up at events and hawking products. But there are no events now!"

Gossip Cop debunks this. Holmes' rep confirmed that the story is bogus. They say the actress has multiple projects in the works.


Tom Hiddleston post old Loki rehearsal footage

Tom Hiddleston recently posted on his IG old footage of him training for the famous Avengers fight with Captain America. Makes me feel old in the process by reminding me that 9 years ago I was lusting over his pasty ass.
You can see in the footage that Mr. Hiddleston was fit like a daydream and fly as a jet stream (lol). Too bad the footage was recorded with a potato.

What were you doing 9 years ago, ONTD? We were once happy but we didn't knew it...


Cheyenne Jackson opens up about hair transplant

-In a post 3 days ago, Cheynne opens up about having various hair transplants throughout the years.

-Starting losing his hair around the age of 22 and had his first surgery at 28.

-Being a vain, good looking person in Hollywood he felt the pressure to keep it a secret as long as he could.

-Whenever he'd get a role, he'd let the hair & makeup artists know about his secret and every time they expressed how it wasn't a big deal.

-COVID has inspired him to open up and he wants to raise his children to love themselves for who they are.

Cheyenne Jackson GIF by RuPaul's Drag Race - Find & Share on GIPHY
television (titans)
  • neuers

DC's Stargirl 1x03 Promo "Icicle" + New Character Posters

THIS IS OUR DESTINY - After a dangerous confrontation with a member of the Injustice Society of America, Pat (Luke Wilson) warns Courtney (Brec Bassinger) to back down from her attempts to go after them. But when she encounters what she believes to be a message from one of them, she urges Pat to help her. Meanwhile, Barbara (Amy Smart) makes strides at work, which impresses her new boss Jordan (Neil Jackson).

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sources 1 / 2 / 3

QUIZ: Do You Know the Story Behind These Reality TV Memes?

tenor (3).gif

You've seen the memes... but do you know the history behind them?

Test your knowledge of these iconique memes. When it comes to reality TV memes, are you intelligent like Tiffany "New York" Pollard? Or dumb, like Hottie?

Take this quiz to prove ur knowledge! (or lack thereof)

1. Why is New York wearing sunglasses and sitting on a bed?

ONTD new york bed .gif

A) She is thinking of more insults to scream at Hottie
B) She is pissed off and wants to get away from annoying bitches
C) She is waiting for Flavor Flav to make love to her

[ANSWER]it's C, you moron!

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Add ur fav reality show memes in the comments.

mods, i added more memes and didn't include some at the source, so it's not a ripoff. it's a ~semi~ original.

source, source, plus my personal collection of memes

Pastry Chef Attempts to Make Gourmet Choco Tacos Part 1 | Gourmet Makes | Bon Appétit

Who's ready for another culinary adventure? Join intrepid pastry explorer Claire Saffitz as she dives into the world of ice cream-filled dessert tacos. Her goal? A gourmet Choco Taco, but of course. Does she have the fortitude and adventurous spirit to complete this gourmet feat or will this new test best her?


have you ever eaten a Choco Taco?? fave ice cream??

26 million LiveJournal accounts being shared on hacker forums

Who knew you couldn't count on Russians to have decent encryption practices, eh.

This is a lil outside the ONTD norm, but as I got alerted both by the tweet above AND Firefox just now, I'm sharing it.

For all us poor saps still using LJ

  • FF tells me the breach originally happened in Jan of 2017 OR 2014.

  • Since May 8th, data dumps of apparently33,717,787 accounts have been on hacker websites.

  • LieJournal has denied it, but there have also been attacks on Dreamwidth credentials, as many people would use the same email/password combo over there too.

  • As the database is nearly 6 years old (Seriously, even hackers are too slow to compromise accounts), hopefully you've changed your pw in those months. If not, at least make sure it isn't the same PW/email combo you use on other sites.

This has been your friendly ONTD IT Professional warning. MD5, I ask you...

marie antoinette

Billie Eilish releases short film from her tour - "Not My Responsibility"

-The video was originally produced and intended to be shown during her tour

-Features Billie slowly undressing (without really showing anything) and then submerging into what looks like black goo

-Choice quote:
"do my shoulders provoke you?
does my chest?
am I my stomach?
my hips?
the body I was born with
is it not what you wanted?
if I wear what is comfortable
I am not a woman
if I shed the layers
I’m a slut
though you’ve never seen my body
you still judge it
and judge me for it

ally shuffle

Billboard Hot 100: Megan thee Stallion's Savage remix ft. Beyonce goes #1

Megan thee Stallion for her first #1 this week with Savage remix ft. Beyonce. This happens 2 weeks after it was blocked from #1 by Say So remix ft. Nicki Minaj, which gave Nicki her first #1. Say So currently sits at #2 but Nicki is no longer being credited because the original is outperforming the remix.

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source, 2, 3

Hasan Minhaj and Kumail Nanjiani discuss the importance of"Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle"

-In honor of Asian and Pacific American Heritage month Variety held a discussion with top actors and directors.

-Kumail Nanjiani admits he has trouble feeling like he has made it as success in Hollywood is not permanent .He admits he felt some success when he started to audition for parts that were less stereotypical . He does recall auditioning for a role of a taxi driver in a major movie, where he was asked to play up his accent. he refused. The movie was in his words hugely successful,but he does not regret his decision .

-Jon M. Chu celebrated signing on to direct his first film, and on screen adaption of" Bye Bye Birdie" that was never made, by buying a washer and dryer. he bought a mattress when he directed "Step up two". Chu just recently allowed himself to enjoy success , since he always never wanted to go by box office or critics and just focus on the next project.

-Hasan Minhaj thought that"Harold and Kumar go to white castle" was the last film he would see with two Asian leads in non stereotypical roles and was happy that it was only the beginning of cultural shift.

-Director of "The Farewell" Lulu Wang believes exposure behind the camera can move the AAPI community foreword.The sign of success she says is that a film may or may not have personal ties to ones own personal life .