Kyle MacLachlan, not to be outdone by David Lynch's Organic Coffee -- and can we talk about the fact that he did not call it David Lynch's Damn Good Coffee, can we say "missed opportunity"???? -- has now collaborated with a winery and is featured in a website's magalog. They're not paying me, so I'm just including the pics (which made me L O L) and some ridiculous captions and cropped out any branding. I was going to transcribe parts of it, but it's pointless. It's just gag-inducing super-bougie purple prose about visiting fromageries and roasteries and douchebaggeries, lbr. Enjoy some very brief excerpts (this shit goes on for PAGES-- you can thank me for wading through this 1% garbage):
"All fueled up with coffee we jumped into the second row of seats in winemaker Eric [pay me money and I will include his surname, the namesake of the winery] _____'s dusty pick-up truck, settling in with the accessories of adventure--dusty wine bottles, a sweetly sweaty dog and an axe. [OH MY GOD, WHAT DID THEY DO TO THAT POOR DOG.] This all felt so manly and rustic and freewheelings [sic
], far distanced from Cooper's buttoned-up Federal Bureau of Investigation-ways."
"As our truck doors swung open to the sun-soaked farm, Joan and Pierre-Louis rushed over, hugging and kissing us like all friends. [...] After a few hours petting goats and pulling vegetables for the following night's dinner, Joan and Pierre-Louis invited us inside as twilight set in. Joan pulled out her favorite cheeses, refilled our glasses for the third time, and we all danced in the kitchen to Simon & Garfunkel's 'The Only Living Boy in New York.'"
"Eric's Tongan aunt arrived with a pumpkin tempura, a gorgeous cornucopia of fried squash, rings of sweet Walla Walla onion, and aromatic sprigs of sage and thyme. She set out a bowl of sweet dipping broth and wooden chopsticks for serving, but everyone dug in with their hands."
"In the air that night, there was a sense of the fundamental human need for family." Oh shit, now they're making me feel guilty, talking about dead loved ones.
Well, you get the picture. If you want to subject yourself to the whole thing, click the source link and dive in, I guess.( Collapse )
This photoshoot is missing someone imo.Source