Looking back on it, how would you characterize your time on Rock of Love?
I don’t have any regrets, but I don’t think I’d ever do that again. Even if you paid me a thousand million trillion gazillion dollars.
The fourth episode, after the possible orgy, is when we first saw you say that you wanted to go home.
Yeah, you could see that in the fourth episode and probably the fifth and sixth and so on. I asked if I could go home. I didn’t want to be there anymore. It wasn’t for me. I tried it out to see if Bret and I had a connection. But the competition and the girls…that’s just not my lifestyle. I’m very down-to-earth and I’m very private and being in that situation really messed me up.
Had you thought about going home even before the possible orgy?
The cameras being in my face was really hard for me to adjust to. They really interfered with my personality, with relaxing, with getting to know people on a personal level. It was like George Orwell, you know, 1984. I was like a prisoner and it was really hard for me to adjust.
But I assume that you expected some of this, going into a reality show.
I did expect some of it. But it’s something that I’d never experienced in my life, and I believe that you should experience everything before you make a judgment. So I wasn’t opposed to the idea and went into it not knowing what to expect and it was a bad experience for me.
Was it tough posing so closely with Lacey during the album-cover photo shoot?
No. I do modeling, I do some acting, so I was able to take myself out of the emotional situation and make it strictly a work environment.
Have you been watching the show as it’s aired?
Yeah. It’s pretty hard, I’m not gonna lie. It’s hard to see myself in such a vulnerable situation, in such a vulnerable state. I’m not that emotional and if I am that emotional, it’s usually once a month around my period. Coincidentally, that was right before I got my period, so it’s totally understandable that I’d react that way especially in that situation.
You said you didn’t have any regrets, but I wonder if you feel like you revealed too much of yourself? You ended up putting a lot of your personal life out there.
No. I don’t regret that either. I’m so in touch with my emotions, and if that’s who I am, that’s who I am. What you saw on the show is pretty true to who I am. I’m honest, I’m open, I’m in touch with my emotions, I’m deep, I care about people, I care about myself. I’m not saying I’m perfect, I have so much more to work on.
Bret at one point referred to you as “bipolar”…
Oh f*** that! That really upset me. I don’t know if that’s still in the episode. It might have been taken out. It was so uncalled for. It’s a serious condition and to just throw it out there and label someone like that…I’m not bipolar. I don’t have anything against people who are, it’s a condition. I’m just very in touch with who I am and I’m very real. I’m not going to bottle up my emotions. It’s unhealthy to do that.
A widely held belief is that you’re insecure.
Yeah. Who isn’t insecure? The whole world is insecure. Everyone is unhappy with something about themselves. Life, learning and experience only makes you stronger. You learn to love yourself, you learn to live with yourself. I think maybe being insecure made me more real and more relatable.
When I fell in love with you on the show is when you said, “So, Bret just kissed me and I think I heard angels sing, because I’m a dork.”
I’m a total hopeless romantic. I love it all. I love reading, like, Wuthering Heights and literature from back in the day that’s just so full of romance and passion. That’s just who I am.
On the first episode, you said you didn’t drink.
I’m not straight-edge. I’ll have half a beer. I get drunk so easily. I’m not opposed to drinking, but I don’t party. I don’t get wasted. It’s not something I enjoy.
I thought maybe because you were holding a beer on the last episode, this show drove you to drink.
No, no, no. Not at all. At that time, I needed to relax and have half a beer.
I was surprised when you got up on the pole and got kind of sexual at Bret’s birthday party.
I am a dancer. I have taken jazz, ballet and hip-hop since I was eight-years-old. I was in dance club in college. It’s one of my passions. I love letting loose and getting into the music. It’s a release for me. As I felt more comfortable, I show a little more of my real self to the people out there. It was hard for me to come out of my shell. When Rodeo was still in the house, she had Dance Night and we were all out there with each other, doing routines. Me and Magdalena were really getting down.
You were clearly thrilled to leave the house, but at any point did you think, “Damn. Bret chose Lacey over me”?
No. I wanted to go home. I was so happy. I wanted out of there. I got to know Bret and I got to know that he’s not the one for me. That’s not the lifestyle I want to live, that’s not how I want to fall in love.
Was it just a matter of Bret’s lifestyle? Because you really did bond with Bret’s personality, right?
Oh yeah. When we had our conversations, he was such a sweetheart. But when I watch the show and I’m watching him interact with the other girls and listening to what he’s saying in his interviews, I’m not going to lie, sometimes I get disgusted. I did not see that side of him when he and I had our private time together. He loves sex, he loves women, he loves partying and that’s not me. I’m totally for commitment and monogamy. That’s the kind of girl I am. Yeah, sex comes with the relationship, but it’s private. I’m not going to show it off to everyone.
With all you’ve revealed about your past relationships, I’m dying to know if you’ve found someone who treats you the way you need to be treated.
Right now, I do have a boyfriend. He is so great to me. We were together about three years ago and we just rekindled our relationship. We’ve both grown so much in the past three years. I guess we needed that time apart to grow and learn. Now being together again it’s just great.
This isn’t the abusive guy that you were talking about on the show, is it?
No way! There’s no way in hell that I’ll put myself in a situation like that again for as long as I live.
Bret says that he thinks you’ll be lifelong friends. Do you agree?
I’m not opposed to that. I think the show was stressful for everyone, so it’d be nice to talk to him without the cameras. I’d love to see what he’s been up to without that pressure. He’s a nice guy, but I would not be with him romantically.
Have you really never faked an orgasm in your life?
I guess not. That was weird. Who the hell are these bitches? They really upset me. What they showed on that episode was really lightened up – you don’t see how bad it was. These girls really came down hard on me.
What are you up to now?
I’m moving to the Midwest. I’m going to finish a novel that I’ve been working on. I’m about 60 pages deep. I have this great concept of what I want to do. Basically, it’s about the perversions of suburbia. I’m going to have all these different plots going on that will all intertwine with each other. I’m really excited. I’ve been also applying for teaching positions. That’s my goal, my passion. I want to teach. It doesn’t matter what age, it’s just something that I love to do: bring joy to people and help them learn. I just graduated grad school with my Masters.
Can you look back on the show with any fondness?
Yeah. I learned a lot about myself and a lot about other people. It showed me how much progress I made in knowing who I am and being confident with that. But it also showed me that I still have a lot of problems. I still have stuff to work out. [Rock of Love] might have even been beneficial.
Added the source. Sorry.
Her MySpace for those of you interested.
It's set to Private. :(