Montana Wildhack (demented_21) wrote in ohnotheydidnt,
Montana Wildhack

Ronaldo, Five Hoes and a Fat Bloke: The Story of an Orgy

More details on the orgy Cristiano Ronaldo hosted in his ~mansion~, straight from the ho(rs)es' mouth. Including but not limited to: comments on Ronnie's manhood and preferred sexual positions, details on the underwear the prostitutes wore to ~arouse~ him, pictures of the other men who participated in the orgy, klassy pictures of the prostitutes themselves, the woes of the hoes who had to fuck some random fat guy, the weirdly shaped penis of a Manchester United footballer and Ronaldo masturbating to the other naked dudes the hoes going down on each other.

TWO of the five escort girls who romped with Cristiano Ronaldo and his Man Utd pals last night ripped the pants off what REALLY happens when a team of £150-an-hour hookers tackles a multi-million pound midfield.

Tyese Cunningham and Gemma Storey revealed how they teased £120,000-a-week Ronaldo and fellow stars £14m Nani and £17m Anderson with Tesco's finest sexy knickers.

As they slipped in and out of Ronaldo's pool and Jacuzzi, the girls had an orgy all through the night, stopping only for breathers and fags on the World Cup winker's expensive cream sofa.

"It was huge and L-shaped. I couldn't believe I was there," said 18-year-old Tyese. "I felt like a WAG!" [the sofa, perverts]

But she didn't feel as rich as one when she was counting the money at the end of the lust match.It was just £2,900—plus an extra £40 ontop for paying by credit card —for all five girls. That wouldn't cover a footballer's champagne bill in a nightclub.

"They made me feel cheap," she moaned. "I've slept with about 200 clients and I've never been treated with such little respect. They didn't care about our feelings. They didn't even talk. They just moved our bodies into the right positions."

Her feelings were far from her mind however when she got the call from McKenzie's escort agency in Leeds—60 miles from Manchester where Ronaldo and his pals wanted to celebrate Man Utd's first win of the season against Spurs last week.

"I'd just been with a client and was about to go out with friends," said the 34E beauty of Jamaican descent. "But when she told me it was footballers I cancelled my mates!

"I put on a blue and gold mini dress and some really sexy black and white underwear from Tesco's which showed off my boobs and bum brilliantly." Gemma, 20, went a little more upmarket with her knickers to impress the footballers.

She disclosed: "They were from Debenhams. I wanted to look my best.
Our boss said if we gave them a good time they'd book us again." Along with pals Hannah, Julia and Brandy-Lee they went most of the way in a cab before a Merc, driven by "a fat bloke", took them the rest of the way to Ronaldo's home.

Tyese chipped in: "We turned through some gates up to an amazing house. The fat bloke ushered us through the door then said, ‘Which of you is Hannah?'. She is the one with the credit card machine."

They went into the living room where Brazilian Anderson, 19, kissed them all on the cheek as Ronaldo—who has an on-off relationship with Hollyoaks beauty Gemma Atkinson—just sat on the sofa smiling.

Tyese added: "Then a man I later found out was Nani came in wearing only boxer shorts, swaggering about saying, ‘I am hot, I am hot'. I knew this wasn't going to be simple sex."

The girls were told to help themselves to vodka and Red Bulls. Gemma said: "The only guy I recognised was Ronaldo. I quite fancied him so I asked him, ‘Have you got a pool?'

Soon Tyese and Gemma were in there naked with Ronaldo and Nani. Tyese said: "I could tell Nani liked me so I made a beeline for him. We started kissing but I don't think he really gave a shit about me. He just wanted sex.


"I put my legs around his waist as we kissed and I saw Gemma was kissing Ronaldo. Then Ronaldo turned to me and said, ‘Kiss her'."

When Gemma and Tyese started snogging, Ronaldo rose to the occasion, pulled Gemma out of the pool and took her into the shower room.

Tyese said: "She was having fun, I could actually hear her screaming!". Gemma was coming to terms with the Portuguese player's prowess. She said: "He was well endowed. He turned me round and pushed me against the wall.

"Then I was on top of him on a bench. Then we did it over the loo. I had to have a shower to cool down."

Meanwhile Tyese had Nani, 20, in a state in the steam room. She giggled: "It was boiling hot! I remember he had an odd shaped manhood. It lasted four or five minutes. It was so hot it was awful."

Ronaldo and Nani strolled off for half-time so the girls got dressed.

Tyese said: "We had a fag and some vodka. Then we had a snoop around the house. It was funny because all his personal photos had been turned around so no one could see them."

After topping up their drinks the girls stripped and dipped back into the empty pool. Then their on-the-game took a turn for the worst.

Tyese said: "Suddenly the man who drove us there came back through in just his boxers. He was awful, fat and bald and he got into the pool. He took Gemma out and towards the door. She turned to me, pleading for me to come too. But I said No. I went to the living room and was on my own for about 20 minutes laid on Ronaldo's sofa drinking Smirnoff and watching TV. It was so amazing. Then Hannah came downstairs and joined me.

She said, ‘I can't believe we are here. I am so shagging Ronaldo before I leave'. I said, ‘Snap!'. [lolz]

"Then I heard Gemma shouting my name. I knew she wanted me to rescue her from the fat bloke so I lay on the floor and when she came down she couldn't see me. The fat man came down and dragged her back upstairs. About ten minutes later Brandy-Lee came down and joined me for a fag outside.

"Then the fat man returned and said he wanted a turn with me. I said, ‘After my fag'. So I smoked mine and then some of Brandy Lee's to prolong it."

But there was no escape and the man took Tyese upstairs to a bedroom. She explained: "But after a few minutes of sex I told him I needed a drink. I put my clothes on, ran downstairs and met Gemma for a fag outside." Ronaldo and Nani were there. "We started talking about bums for some reason [no shit] and I started feeling Ronaldo's.

"It was great, juicy and big and then he felt my bum. He obviously liked it because he got my hand and led me through to the pool room.

"I thought, ‘This is it, this is where I get to have sex with Ronaldo!'

"He got my dress and lifted it up over my head. I slipped off my knickers. We got into the Jacuzzi and he sat down and pulled me onto him.

"We were there for about five or six minutes but he didn't speak to me at all. After a bit he'd obviously had enough and climbed out. We were being paid to be there but he didn't treat me with an ounce of respect. I put my clothes back on and went for a fag."

Next it was Anderson's turn. "He took me into the pool room," said Tyese. "I liked him. He didn't just treat me like a piece of meat. He was the best endowed too. I put my legs around his waist and we had sex. He kissed me afterwards. I didn't feel cheap with him."

Soon Tyese and Gemma were back in the pool—this time with Nani, Anderson and Ronaldo. "I was kissing Gemma and all the boys and she was kissing me and them too," said Tyese.


"One of the blokes was pleasuring me but I don't know which one. Then her heart sank as the fat man got in too. But after Ronaldo said something to him he turned to me and Gemma and said, ‘Get out, I want you to have oral sex'.

"So we did and the blokes watched. Ronaldo got out of the pool and pleasured himself. Anderson was perched on the side and Nani was stood over us. They were all watching us."
[um, Ronaldo was naked and masturbating right next to you and you think the other guys were watching you? Sry honey, I don't think so.]

The lesbian romp signalled the final whistle on the four hour orgy and Ronaldo went to bed. "The fat man said, ‘Get your things and leave'. He treated us like shit. He called a friend of his who drove us home," said Tyese, whose interview you can see on our website

Yesterday suspended Ronaldo missed his side's 1-0 win. Nani and Anderson both played but were pulled off before the end.

Tyese said last night: "I thought having sex with three Manchester United stars would be like a dream come true.

"But I realise now that being a WAG is not all it looks cracked up to be especially if this is the way they all behave.

"My past customers have always been polite. But these men had no manners."


Nani who thinks he's hot and has the oddly shaped manhood:


Anderson who always treats a hooker like a princess:

Cutie, y/n?

The girlz:


The underwear in question:

Hopefully they washed them first. That said, if I had underwear with Ronaldo's jizz on them I'd probably never wash them.


Y u so sexy?

Um, The End.


EDIT: Guys, it's totally true. There's a blurry pic of Anderson at the source:

And I bet the hoes said Anderson had the biggest dick because he was nice to them. Aw.

  • Post a new comment


    Comments allowed for members only

    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

← Ctrl ← Alt
Ctrl → Alt →
← Ctrl ← Alt
Ctrl → Alt →