Andi (pumkinbutter) wrote in ohnotheydidnt,
Andi
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ohnotheydidnt

Emma Thompson: 'Female sexual pleasure is often actively discouraged'


While promoting her new film “Good Luck to You, Leo Grande”, Emma Thompson discussed how “nobody cares” if women are sexually pleasured.

“I’ve always been interested in the sort of ostracization really of sexual sort of matters. We don’t talk about it nearly enough,” Thompson said. “And female sexual pleasure is not on the top of anybody’s list.”

“In the cultures that we live in, across the globe actually, the religious and patriarchal structures that we live in, female sexual pleasure is often actively discouraged,” the 63-year-old continued.

Her new film is about a widow who hires a sex worker for a night in hopes of having her first orgasm.

“It’s terribly difficult for her to identify what she wants because no one asks women what they want, and they don’t ask themselves what they want, and when they do, they don’t know because it’s never been something they’ve been encouraged to consider,” the actress explained.
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Tags: british celebrities, sexism, sexy
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I saw an insta ad for this and it looked really interesting! Also, her character has good taste because that man is FINE AF
HE IS!!
Where are the visuals aides, pika?

therearewords

1 day ago

I find it... interesting...that no one is questioning if this film deals with the fact that a young Black man is the sex worker, in a film entirely centered on pleasuring and enlightening an older White woman.
Maybe the film goes there, I hope so.
But I feel like this obvious call for an intersectional conversation has been subsumed.

pikapika217

1 day ago

It's a great film, Emma is absolutely phenomenal and it deals with questions of sexuality/sexual repression very well. The actor is also very good, his character is incredibly charming and endearing in a way that doesn't feel forced or unrealistic (even tho it clearly is bc he's obviously too good to be true lol)
I really like the trailer for this. I could empathize with Emma Thompson's character, even though I'm not a 55 year old widow who's only ever had one boring partner.
Only one guy has ever given me the Gasm.

All the rest were wonderfully self inflicted. ;D
Same! Luckily it’s my current and long-term partner
Coming in here to say that my mother started watching this movie thinking it was about a mother and her adopted son
Nooooooooo lmao
Did she turn it off or did she keep watching?
No she didn’t, I think she skipped to the end “just to check the entire film is about this” and concluded the movie was too shocking for her as she knows Emma Thompson mainly from Sense and Sensibility but that Leo Grande was a “rather attractive and muscular young man” lmao

my_moloko

2 days ago

xellabelle

2 days ago

my_moloko

1 day ago

xellabelle

1 day ago

mathkills

1 day ago

she's not wrong
I'm so bummed that she is wearing a fat suit in the new matilda film.

she should know better
She wore a fat suit in Love Actually too and idgi at all.
she's right, but also...

how stella got her groove back's impact!!!!!
She's right yet again. Never forget that the studio wanted to cut parts of the consensual sex scene in Boys Don't Cry bc Chloe Sevigny has an orgasm, but they were fine with the violent gang-rape scene. 🖕🖕🖕🖕

genbu_no_miko24

June 23 2022, 02:44:06 UTC 2 days ago Edited:  June 23 2022, 02:44:41 UTC

I remember Blue Valentine having a rating issue because Ryan Gosling’s character goes down on Michelle Williams. I think they wanted to give it NC-17 just for that lol.
they did give it a NC-17. it made it really hard to find a theatre showing it and it was only because he gave her an orgasm. It wasn't even remotely graphic in ANY WAY. No nudity. Just a head under a dress

genbu_no_miko24

2 days ago

Yep! Still makes me angry. And I appreciated Ryan calling it out as well.
the cishet male execs don’t want the women in their lives to start getting any ideas tbh
When I was a teen in the early 2000s I remember the messaging I got being "you think you want sex now as a hormonal teenager, but you absolutely should not have it! When you are an adult woman obviously having sex with a man, you will lay back and take it because you love him, but you're not really gonna like it."

I'm glad when I grew up I worked to expand my horizons and realize how bs that is. I hope that the culture has started shifting away from that too, even though I know sex ed in America is still a damn mess.
it's awful how we were taught sex is something that happens TO a woman, and not something she has any agency in.
Yep, all I heard growing up was how it will definitely hurt the first time, and probably the next few times, too. Men aren't expected to be gentle, much less try to make it enjoyable. Nowadays, the narrative is changing to tell girls that it shouldn't hurt if you do it "right." The fact is that every female body is different. Lots of women find penetration painful no matter what. But I hope there is a continued effort to teach guys that they should GAF about how their partner is feeling, and try to make it good for her.

(Obvious side note: regardless of how much sex education improves, porn only continues to make this problem worse.)
my gym teacher told our class during "health week" that the tearing of the hymen was like a pen stabbing through some plastic wrap

we were all traumatized

anna_drenxavier

2 days ago

likeanunmadebed

1 day ago

cassismagic

2 days ago

genbu_no_miko24

2 days ago

cassismagic

2 days ago

theactualworst

1 day ago

likeanunmadebed

1 day ago

Yep. That was the messaging I basically got. A lot of it was about how to say no but there was no sense that a teenage girl would actually want to have sense so for me, having a high sex drive made me feel like a freak.

theactualworst

June 23 2022, 13:59:01 UTC 1 day ago Edited:  June 23 2022, 14:00:55 UTC

I grew up in the US but close enough to Canada so I could get some of their TV and radio stations and I was able to pick up Love Line after 10 pm on the Canadian radio station The Edge and that pretty much taught me about sex and orgasms. I was raised Catholic so no one else was gonna teach me lol. Dr. Drew and Adam Corolla are problematic af but I’m still grateful for how much they propped up female orgasms and female masturbation.

It really empowered me and when I lost my virginity I did it as a one night stand with a man who had no clue because I didn’t want to give him any agency over it. I wanted it to just be about me choosing it.
Yeah, I've met so many women who hated sex simply bc it was never about them/what they wanted and that was so normalized. I'm so fucking thankful that sex was never really a taboo in my house, yet even tho grew up in a sex positive environment I didn't really start having great sex until my late 20s.
its so funny how all the relationship advice from men on reddit is 'hAvE yOu TrIeD TaLkiNg tO HiM???'. like yes, literally all women do is communicate. men just don't listen.
I've found when they say 'hAvE yOu TrIeD TaLkiNg tO HiM???', they really mean 'LISTEN TO ME AND AGREE WITH WHATEVER I SAY!!!'
yeah, on most topics it's painfully obvious which commenters are men. they also love to say that lazy men who mooch off their wives/gfs are just depressed so it's really women's fault for not being supportive of his mental health
she's not wrong and tbh there's this sick concatenation between how we talk about female sexuality and all the body image issues that are peddled out

johnjie

June 23 2022, 03:07:50 UTC 2 days ago Edited:  June 23 2022, 03:08:24 UTC

So true, women are encouraged much more to look and act ‘sexy’ than they are to get acquainted with what they actually like. Kind of like how all female pop stars who ‘reclaim their sexuality’ just dress sexually provocatively, which is far more about being looked at than them looking
it's almost like ~empowerment and reclamation politics are mostly garbage
Women are expected be sexy so that they can be consumed like a product but actually enjoying sex and having orgasms means we have agency and they don't like it.

theactualworst

1 day ago

my_moloko

1 day ago

it's female sexuality through the male gaze
I'm so tired of body positivity, "everyone is beautiful" "consent is sexy" whatever. I just want to exist and have a body and find sexual pleasure whenever and however I want to without feeling like I have to think about my body shape or sexiness every moment of the day.
The film's two characters are super interesting.

Daryl McCormack is a MAN, all caps. I love the clothing they put him in lol those pleated trousers, *chef's kiss*

Daryl is so fucking fine. I wish he had been cast as a replacement earlier in the seasons for Peaky Blinders because there was not nearly enough of him being a broody gangster in those fab ass period suits to satisfy me. I needed more.
so true. men only gaf about their own pleasure during sex and cant be arsed to care about the womans own pleasure. lesbianism >>>>>>>
Or sometimes, the man will make a big deal about caring about ‘her pleasure’, but it’s all actually just an ego trip for him and if the woman doesn’t go along with pandering to his ego he’ll sulk or even take it out on her and she ends up nursing his feelings
never read anything more true

debbiesgirl

June 23 2022, 03:48:07 UTC 2 days ago Edited:  June 23 2022, 03:51:38 UTC

This. Men are so fragile. Like yeah you didn't make me cum and I'm not going to pretend otherwise just so you can feel good about yourself.
lol my ex said he cared about my pleasure

boy didn't like to eat me out (he'd never gone down on a woman until me) and never once made me orgasm! my vibrators do that.
fucccckkk. this comment is too real.
Gosh so so true

rubie_dubidoux

1 day ago

Ironically men trained in the 70s and 80s are far more likely to be focused on giving you an orgasm, because they had very soft porn and a "ladies first" mantra. Of course there were always the ones who got annoyed with you when what they were doing didn't work. BUt others, very fine.
This is pretty generalizing. Or maybe I've just been lucky and have been with men who put my pleasure into consideration first.. idk but there are some good men out there who know how to be selfless.
So true, as evidenced by all the movies showing sexual assault but rarely ever a women having an orgasm.
Wasn't there a huge kerfuffle with movie ratings when Blue Valentine showed a guy going down on a women?
Yep. A woman having an orgasm gets an NC-17 rating but we can watch people get raped and killed with just an R rating.
this heffa got a lil too close to my husband, if i ever find ha in these streets istg

johnjie

June 23 2022, 02:55:58 UTC 2 days ago Edited:  June 23 2022, 03:01:50 UTC

This is so true, especially that (paraphrased) statement ‘nobody asks women what they want sexually and furthermore, that question is so taboo that many women have never considered it seriously’

I guess what I’m thinking about is how women are encouraged to cater to the male gaze, and perform all these time consuming, sometimes painful beauty rituals so they’ll look ‘sexy’ and ignore their physical discomfort then and when it’s to please men in bed (including that myth that first time PIV is ALWAYS painful and will make you bleed when so often it can be a sign of nerves/not being turned on enough!).
But then, for a lot of women, there’s no point where they’re asking themselves ‘but is he sexy to me? Is what he’s doing making me feel good? Or is he just masturbating with my body?’.

In a more minor way but related to this, it also reminds me of how people pressure women to date men they’re not attracted to because ‘he’s a nice guy’ or ‘but he’s so funny!’ or ‘just give him a chance!’. But nobody would dream of telling a man to just disregard whether or not he finds a woman attractive when it comes to being with her.

Idk, I just think women are encouraged to objectify themselves in service of men and that includes in dating and sexual situations.
Is what he’s doing making me feel good? Or is he just masturbating with my body?’.

Ugh, trying to explain this to people is so hard. Casual sex is something I'm so not into for exactly this reason. Once you become aware of it, you can't unsee it and it's really NOT FUN
Yep. There's actually a scene in the movie where Emma's character describes what sex with her husband was like and it basically just sounds like he used her as a human fleshlight. It's so sad, especially knowing how common it is.

I simply don't tolerate bad sex. There is so much good sex to be had, even from comments on here I often wonder just what people are dealing with when they talk about how terrible it is. Raise your standards, people!
people pressure women to date men they’re not attracted to because ‘he’s a nice guy’ or ‘but he’s so funny!’ or ‘just give him a chance!’. But nobody would dream of telling a man to just disregard whether or not he finds a woman attractive

bloop
you often see ugly basic men with attractive women, but you rarely see the opposite. You don't even see wealthy ugly women with young attractive arm trophy.
it also reminds me of how people pressure women to date men they’re not attracted to because ‘he’s a nice guy’ or ‘but he’s so funny!’ or ‘just give him a chance!’. But nobody would dream of telling a man to just disregard whether or not he finds a woman attractive when it comes to being with her.

HELL TO THE MOTHERFUCKING YES. And when I point this out people tell me the solution isn't to 'be like men, you have to be better than them'. Nope, I just wanna fuck someone I find attractive, period, and I encourage all my friends to do the same. I absolutely do not give a fuck about anyone who thinks that's shallow, my pussy is not an NGO.
"In a more minor way but related to this, it also reminds me of how people pressure women to date men they’re not attracted to because ‘he’s a nice guy’ or ‘but he’s so funny!’ or ‘just give him a chance!’. But nobody would dream of telling a man to just disregard whether or not he finds a woman attractive when it comes to being with her."

THIIIIIIS
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