I’m a big fan of the Personal Development School youtube page and was excited when I saw this on my home page this morning! (Thais Gibson founded the School, which focuses heavily on attachment theory.)
Here are some quick notes from the video, which analyzes the Greg and Katie break-up.
- Greg and Katie have been bonding over both losing their fathers, and it seems like there’s a dynamic where he hasn’t fully recovered from his father’s death. This is his wound.
- Gibson notes that we see him pouring his heart out, and we (the audience) know that she has resolved not to say “I love you” to anyone, but he doesn’t know that, so to him he feels rejected and maybe even abandoned by how she chooses to respond. You can see the shift in his face when he looks down.
- After that moment it spirals. Katie's trying to be reassuring, but he needs more assurance than he’s getting in that experience. Katie can only give him so much but more could have been expressed about what he needs. Gibson says, however, that Katie wouldn’t likely be able to give him the full reassurance for the level of need that he has because she can’t stop the show and say “That’s it, I’m choosing you!” (lol, I love Thais but clearly she didn’t watch Clare’s season!) Gibson says that Greg needs to give himself the reassurance about being okay on his own, supporting himself, etc because he’s “very active in his fears.”
- We see him become avoidant, and from Katie’s side, we see her become “dismissive” where she doesn’t know how to articulate. We can see her being hurt from the dynamic. This is a typical situation played out between fearful avoidants and dismissive avoidants. Fearful avoidants get in their head, upset after being so vulnerable and hurt so much after being rejected that they need to get as far away as possible from the person who seems to be causing their pain. But Gibson says it’s their own core wounds that’s causing the pain, being projected onto the other person.
- Gibson isn't too familiar with the show but thought it looked like Greg was going to be picked, and thinks he sabotaged the relationship because he couldn’t handle the vulnerability.
- “If communication could just be better in a relationship dynamic these things wouldn’t have to happen.” Ideally, both should say specifically what they need to feel better and even over-explain a little bit because they are still getting to know each other.
What's your attachment style ONTD?