Are you wondering what the perfect album for the pandemic is? You probably are, since it's the title of this post.
Wonder no more: it is Witness, by Katy Perry.
A track-by-track analysis:
"Witness" is all about wondering whether someone will be there for you to see you and understand your pain. That is what we all were desperate for, even to this day. Choice lyrics:
We're all just looking for connection
I'm looking for someone...someone to ride this ride with me
Can I get a witness?
Will you be my witness?
"Hey Hey Hey"
This song explores the duality of human beings, particularly women. It expresses that one can be vulnerable and fragile, yet strong. Like Marilyn Monroe in a monster truck. Sample lyrics:
Hey hey hey
You think that I'm a little bay-ay-by
You think that I am fragile like a fabergé
You think that I'm cracking, but you can't break me
The title makes it obvious: this song is about repetitiveness that can drive you crazy, as we all experienced in lockdown. The chorus:
Every day's the same
Definition of insane
I think we're running on a loop
Hooking up with anyone during the pandemi lovato was like spinning a roulette wheel. Oh, hey... that's the name of this song! This thirsty af horny song is all about taking a chance (sometimes a life-or-COVID chance) on hookin' up with a stranger.
Playing by the rules in this game of life
365 days on the grind
Something's stirring, I might need to unwind
Like roulette, ooh-ooh
Wanna close my eyes and roll it with you
Like roulette, ooh-ooh
Wanna lose control and forget with you
At first, I had no idea what this song could have to do with the pandemic. But then I realized: this song is written from the perspective of Miss Rona! It is the virus struttin ha stuff as she knocks people down left and right.
Tell me I'm wrong:
So keep calm, honey, I'ma stick around
For more than a minute, get used to it
Funny my name keeps comin' out your mouth
'Cause I stay winning
Lay 'em up like
Swish, swish, bish
Did the quarantine fuck with your mind? Then you might be in a...mind maze. Like the title of this delightful 80s bop by Katy that was supposedly inspired by her dumpster-fire relationship with John Mayer and his head games.
I'm losing all direction
Slipping into quicksand...
It's a mind maze
All these head games
Caught in a cage
In "Power," Katy snaps back at a lover who wasn't treating her right. It is the perfect empowering, fuck-you power anthem against the coronavirus.
I was fine before I met you...
I'm done with you, siphoning my power
"Miss You More"
This song involves trying to convince yourself that you miss someone more than you actually love them. Just like we were all trying to convince ourselves that we miss outdoor activities, social gatherings, and shopping more than we actually loved them. 😭
Your mind plays tricks with distance
Always makes things feel so unfinished
I miss you more than I loved you
(I wonder what we could have been)
Chained To The Rhythm
After complying with strict protocol and following the same routines over and over and over, we are all indeed chained to the rhythm. The rhythm... of the pandemic!
I'm not posting these lyrics, y'all have heard it.
This is an abstract-ish horny song. You can imagine it being the mindset of someone who has COVID-19 and has not yet recovered all their cognitive function, plus has a ton of horniness pent up inside of them. If you could go inside the mind of a sex-starved COVID patient, it would sound like "Tsunami."
"Bon Appétit" combines all of the cooking and eating that we did in quarantine with the horniness that we all feel.
"Bigger Than Me"
The pandemic is bigger than all of us, as we all learned. (Except for some assholes who felt that they were bigger than the pandemic.) We all had to accept that we had to make sacrifices for the greater good (except for those few assholes.)
I'm kicking and screaming
'Cause it won't be easy to break all the patterns
It's something bigger than me
I can feel it beginning
Something bigger than me
"Save as Draft"
We all had to hit save on the drafts of our plans, including travel, seeing our friends, and making out with people. Just like Katy hits "save as draft" on ha texts to John Mayer 👀
So I take a deep breath
And I save as draft
A pendulum swings back and forth from one extreme to the other. So even though the world might swing bad one way, it will swing back the other eventually. That is what this upbeat, underrated, should-have-been-a-single bop is telling us. So keep that in mind for 2021: it's a pendulum.
Into Me You See
If you live with somebody, you were suddenly stuck with 'em 24/7. You definitely got to a new level of intimacy with them. Or, if you were alone, you were suddenly stuck with your thoughts 24/7 and had to get intimate with yourself. And by that I also mean intimate... with yaself.
Into me, you'll see
You got me wide open, now I'm ready
Is this intimacy?
Is Witness the best album for the pandemi lovato?
If not, which Katy album is best for the pandemic?
Shoutout to the two or three other people who like this album.
What is YOUR choice for the best album for the pandemic?
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