Disclaimer: by entering this post you understand that OP has been in isolation for over two weeks and you agree to absorb the verbal abuse present in this post.
Let's get our fucking brow game on, you Instagram flops.
Left: 2007 Drama Desk Awards | Right: 2017, 25th Annual Elton John AIDS Foundation's Oscar Viewing Party
Actual stain Lea Michele is proof that some beauty really is only skin deep. Despite being hideous on the inside, she’s always been something of a bombshell, objectively speaking. So it’s no surprise that she’s able to pull off both thick and thin brows. She’d always been able to keep a happy medium with both styles, though she did have some hilariously awful moments that deserve the spotlight because she fucking sucks:
This asshole has always been bold.
2017, DIRECTV NOW Super Saturday Night Concert. Don't believe this to be a real photo? Google it, son. You can't make this shit up. Also how dare you question me.
Left: 2000, Charlie's Angels Premiere | Right: 2020, Roc Nation Pre-Grammy Brunch
Need an eye rinse and a mindwipe after that first one? Have Mother Fucking Beyoncé, baby girl. Just know that you don’t deserve this. Bey has been pretty consistent with her brows throughout the years. She had a few moments where she plucked a bit more than usual and/or didn't bother filling them in - she's even had a handful of times where she went a little crazy on the brow pencil. But one of the world's most beautiful wonders can basically do what she wants to herself and we'll still feel like the garbage that we are at the end of the day for it.
She's got the Midas touch, but she touched it too much.
Let's take a moment to analyze what you just did. You opened this cut to see a flop photo of Beyoncé's eyebrows. You fucking scrub.
Left: 2010, Golden Globe Awards | Right: 2019, Paris Fashion Week (Jean Paul Gaultier)
Didn’t think you’d see Xtina on here did you, ha. Legend of stickman brows hasn’t always overplucked. She’s shown to have the same brow length and width pre-Dirrty as she did during her Biotic era (that’s how long it took them to recover – the fact that these brows recovered at all from years of mutilating abuse means they deserve a mention in this post). She’s been sporting some thicker and darker brows lately, and she’s been looking nice for the most part! But it wouldn’t be Xtina without going overboard every once in a while, don't pretend you don't know this.
Still got that dirrty degree.
2020, Mulan Premiere. I expect a ‘thank you’ in the comments for not posting a Dirrty-era photo. This is how much I love you, you ungrateful skeeves.
Left: 2006, Adam Olszewski Photography | Right: 2018, Pre-Emmy Party
If seeing Jennifer Morrison isn't an indicator that OP may or may not be re-watching House during isolation, I don't know what is. Although I guess she was in some show called Once Upon A Time or something, I dunno/care. Anyways, it's always fascinating to see the glow-up of an intense '00s brow arch. It was either her or Olivia Wilde, but we haven't seen this face in particular around these here parts in a long while, y'all.
This is highly unethical.
2019, Max Mara Celebrates Elizabeth Debicki. Going darker can be hit or miss. I'd say JMor took a risk with this entire makeup look, so in that context the brows aren't that bad. But without it... can I get a "whew"?
Left: 2004, In Style Magazine Golden Globe Party | Right: 2018, Life Size 2 Premiere
This human embodiment of ONTD deserved a mention. In this post, we cried, we sung, we cringed, and that’s not about to stop with Tyra Banks. I must say though that she's one of the rare ones who can really pull off a thin brow. Thicker looks better on her, but there aren't too many photos of her sporting a disaster stick brow out there. There are, however, a good few photos of her sponsoring Sharpie.
Were we really rooting for you, though?
2019, American Music Awards. Look, bigger and thicker brows are fantastic. But as soon as y'all hit IG levels of blockiness, you're not allowed to be surprised when a lawsuit from Lego hits your ass.
SOURCE: the two balls underneath my brow game, bitch.