It's time again for TLC's newest trainwreck of a show. This week we meet our final couple, and have to ask ourselves if it's creepier for your man to buy lingerie with his mom, or have a SleepyTime tea ritual with his mom??
Jason (29), Justina (27) and Annette (51)
We meet our final couple this week in Jason and Justina. They live in Illinois, and have been together for 5 years. They met when they were roommates, and the romance blossomed from there. They are already leaps and bounds ahead of the other couples on the show in that they are a)living on their own, even though it's not far from Mom, b)engaged, and c)they have a 2 year old daughter.
Annette, on a scale of 0 to Laila, isn't all that bad. She's just really, really, really enthusiastic about her son. They text and call multiple times a day. Annette invites herself over for overnight dinner dates and vacations. Unlike some of the other moms on this show, she actually approves of Justina. At one point while trimming her son's nose hairs, she reminds him that he hooked a supermodel so he needs to keep his look on point to keep Justina. So she likes Justina, and even though she wishes Justina would give her pushback (but probably just so she can argue about her son with someone.)
Jason's dad, who both looks like he's younger than Annette and older than Annette at the exact same time, looks exhausted by the whole process of coming in second place to his own son. Jason's sister Paige says it's no secret that Jason is the favorite so Paige has had to find her own circle of acceptance.
The couple heads over to Jason's parents house, where Annette plies her granddaughter with candy, sings a new banger called "I Love You(Repeat Infinity)" as Jason plays guitar, trims Jason's nose hairs and later his eyebrow hairs (over the pasta, much to Father Jason's dismay) and reminds the couple to make their wedding plans all about Annette. The couple wants a low key backyard BBQ type wedding (although I'm not sure where--they live in Illinois but they were talking about California and Vegas) but Annette is all in on a splashy Vegas wedding. She asks them if she can pick the venue for the wedding. Denied. She lists off about 100 things that need to be planned that these two functioning adults who are responsible for another human life can't possibly decide without her, like wedding officiants. She decides the best way she can help wedding planning is to help Jason pick out a tux, so Jason, Justina, and Annette head over to a tux shop.
Justina wants something simple, as their wedding theme will be understated with muted earth tones. But Annette thinks rustic themes are so plain. She wants a wedding that would make RuPaul's Drag Race say "Ooh girl, tone it down!" So of course, Annette picks out a shiny red tuxedo covered in paisley straight from the Playa Hater's Ball. Her baby boy needs to sparkle, ya'll!! She rejects the muted blue traditional three piece suit Justine has chosen (which I thought looked very nice) in favor of this Viva Las Vegas special. She even says it would be perfect if Justina would get a wedding dress with a paisley pattern as well. Now, I watch a lot of Say Yes to the Dress, and I don't see many dresses with paisley patterns. Maybe a Hailey Paige. Justina reminds Annette that their wedding colors don't really go with red especially since the groomsmen will be wearing some kind of beige color, and the tux shop staff try to help Justina out by saying the wedding pictures will look odd if everyone is wearing muted tones and Jason's out here flashing around like Liberace. Annette tells the shop workers that she couldn't give a shit about the wedding pictures--Justine will be wearing white which goes with everything, and Annette can get a dress to match Jason's tux and that's all she cares about. At one point she even describes to Jason how the guests will gasp in amazement as Jason walks Annette down the aisle in their matching outfits. Poor Justine stands in the back, at this point making no more than a cameo appearance in her own wedding.
Matt, Kelly and Kim
Matt tells Kim he bought her a present for Valentines Day (yes, we are still on Valentines Day) and brings out the teddy and robe he bought her. She is pleased, and says she wasn't expecting a gift at all, much less such an intimate one. She's a little taken aback that he went shopping for this with his mom, but she buys that they just happened to be out, and this wasn't a planned outing. She thinks maybe this gift is what they need to re-ignite the spark in their relationship....well, something other than powerful mind altering drugs to make Kim forget Kelly is probably standing outside their bedroom with a glass pressed to the door listening for every bed squeak. Kim starts to hint that maybe it's time to take this show into the bedroom, but....nope, Matt says he and his mom need to finish watching their TV shows from last night and also have their Sleepytime tea ritual. He calls for his mom while Kim is like "WTF?" Oh, don't worry Kim, you'll need those WTFs when Kelly comes sauntering into the living room wearing the very same robe Kim is holding in her hands, the robe that was gonna respark Kim's sex life. Stunned, she asks Matt if he also bought his mom a robe, but he tells her he didn't buy it, his mom thought it was cute and bought one for herself. Kim is over Valentines Day completely at this point, so she heads off to bed. We get shots of Kim in a baggy tee and sweatpants climbing alone into bed while Matt and his mom cuddle together on the couch under a fluffy furry white blanket, sipping their tea and discussing if marrying Kim is a good idea. Kelly most assuredly thinks it is not. She tells the camera that before Kim can marry Matt, she needs to be more domesticated, learning to cook and clean and do all the things 1950's housewives do. Until then, Kelly will continue to set a place for Matt at her table because he will still be dining and sipping Sleepytime tea with her. Only her.
Shekab, Laila, and Emily
These three are still at the rock climbing place, and Laila is pouting like a toddler. She is upset because she can not weasle her way into an invite to Shekab and Emily's Valentines Day dinner. Laila says she wants to be with him, and have a good time with him. Again, please let me remind you that Laila has a whole ass ALIVE husband who she could be spending Valentines Day with. Shekab tells his mom that he loves Emily(and tells the camera it was the first time he's used the word love about Emily in front of his mom) and oooh that was not the right thing to say. Laila shoots daggers from her eyes at her son, then demands that he choose who he loves more, her or Emily. He tells her he loves her more of course, but Emily is his girlfriend and it's a different kind of love. Laila starts tearing up, and turns her back on them both when Emily walks over. Emily asks if he talked to his mom about their dinner plans, he says yes, they are going to dinner. "With me?" Laila asks. No, Shekab says and Emily is like what is your mom not getting about this?? Laila tells Shekab to take his turn on the wall, then immediate starts ripping into Emily. When Emily brings up that she has been with Shekab for two years, Laila is like "Hmm...but not for the rest of his life." She tells Emily she doesn't like how Emily is showing off her body in public...by wearing leggings, a top, and a light jacket. Basically, the same thing Laila is wearing, except Laila's pants are a bit baggier. Shekab is trapped up on the wall, yelling at them to stop fighting, and Laila just stomps off like a toddler.
Later at dinner, Emily wants to talk about what happened, but Shekab wants to act like nothing happened. He wanted to invite his mom to dinner and those were the original plans, but now they are here and he wants to know why they can't enjoy this one night to themselves. Emily asks him to come up with a plan and a deadline for taking the next step together and moving in together, but before they can nail down a timeline, Shekab's cell phone starts ringing. "He didn't even have to tell me, I knew it was his mom" Emily says. We can only hear Shekab's side of the convo, but apparently Laila is saying she hurt her leg. She must have amputated it the way Shekab jumps up, throws his coat on, and runs out of the restaurant, leaving Emily to wonder WTF just happened, and I'm wondering if he also stuck her with the bill. Happy Valentines Day, Emily!!
Next week: Mike tempts Stephanie with an idea of a crazy blingy engagement ring but Liz tells him to slow his roll; Stephanie is offended Liz doesn't think their relationship is serious enough to look at rings, and is also worried about being in competition with her boyfriend's mom for the rest of her life; Jason and Annette visit a spa and weird out the workers there as Jason worries how to tell his mom he and Justina might be moving out of state; Shekab thinks the key to improving Emily's relationship with Laila is having Emily get her the perfect birthday gift; Laila said if she had known Emily would show up with this unwanted gift than she never ever have even bothered to celebrate her birthday.