ShannenB (shannenb) wrote in ohnotheydidnt,

Season preview of TLC's newest trainwreck, "I Love A Mama's Boy"

OK, look....we *have* to talk about this mess. I mean...I can't even. Last night was the premiere, and there's like one couple that *maybe* can work it out, and the rest of them I want to scream "Girl...RUN" at them because....damn.

Stephanie (25), Mike (25) and mom Liz (49)

This is the only couple I think stands a chance of making it (so far, there's still at least one couple we haven't met.) They both are segment producers for some talk show, and Mike is a model on the side. They've been dating for two years and they seem to mesh really well. Liz is Mike's mom and she can't let go of two things--her can of Aquanet for that Farrah Fawcett hair, and her son. She's his manager, so she's constantly up his ass about his money habits (when he's spending it on Stephanie) and his eating habits. She wants him to eat clean, which makes sense not only because he's a model, but because Mike's dad died when he was 8 years old. He was overweight, suffering from diabetes and health issues, and died of an embolism caused by his health issues. So it's easy to understand why she's pushing the healthy eating plan, but watching these two active, healthy adults scramble around their apartment trying to hide Cheeze Its and Oreos from his mother while she stands outside carrying a tub of healthy meals is kind of hilarious.

Liz also doesn't want him spending $1000 on a pair of earrings for Stephanie's birthday (which, I can't say I disagree, but maybe don't say it *while* she's trying on earrings in the jewelry store) but makes sure she ends up with a $225 bracelet from her son for Valentine's Day while Stephanie makes do with a couple of $135 bangle bracelets. That said, I do think this couple has the best chance of Mike actually standing up to his mother eventually and the mother backing down.

Emily (24), Shekeb (30), and mom Laila (61)

Emily needs to run away, and I mean RUN. Run like the love child of Usain Bolt and Carl Lewis. This is 155,173,927% never going to work out. Laila *hates* Emily. And when I say hates, I don't mean she passive aggressively makes snide comments hoping to break them up. She openly, proudly declares that she hates Emily and lets Emily and her son know it. She wants her son to date someone from their same culture (I think they are Pakistani?) and takes it upon herself to set her son up on dates with other women she approves front of Emily! So unless Emily posses some heretofore unknown fantastic ability to transform herself into someone else, Laila will never and I mean NEVER accept her.

Last night's episode was all about Valentines Day, with Laila declaring--to Emily--that Valentines Day is a day for a son and mother to show how much they love each basically, butt out of their big holiday, Emily. Apparently Laila has never heard of Mother's Day. But Emily would like to spend an evening with her boyfriend of two years. Shekab compromises by taking them both for a day at a rock climbing place (which Laila immediately turns into a competition telling her son she is so much better at rock climbing than Emily) and then bursts into tears saying "You're choosing her over me!" when Shekab dares to gently advise his mother that since they spent the whole day with her, he would like to take his girlfriend out to dinner alone for a couple of hours.

Kim (25), Matt (28), and mom Kelly (56)

Matt is a nerd who quotes Frozen, and if you told me he was a virgin before dating Kim, I would not wholly be surprised. He says Kim is his first serious girlfriend, and in an attempt to pull Matt away from under mom Kelly's thumb, Kim had them move to an apartment in Santa Monica. Matt was so upset he lost 30lbs (which Kelly says is because Kim didn't cook for him) but after a fire destroyed their apartment, they are back living in Matt's childhood bedroom. Kelly is annoyed that Kim has begun tagging along on their monthly mother son mani-pedi dates, so she sits in the middle chair, demands Kim can *not* get the same cucumber foot treatments she and Matt are getting, and basically talks to Matt about his lack of a sex life with Kim as if Kim were not there (in fact, at one point Kelly turns to Kim and disdainfully says "Oh...I forgot *you* were here" when Kim protests the discussion of her sex life.) Kim wants to move into their own place, but Matt and Kelly have drawn up plans to convert space in the backyard where a large detached garage sits into a new home for the couple. Kelly thinks Kim is being very ungrateful for someone who is having a home built for her just steps from Kelly's waiting arms.

Kelly says she knows nothing is happening in Matt's childhood bedroom, and tells the couple they need to spice up their sex life for Valentines Day, because she never hears them having sex (what??? Is she standing outside listening?? Yes.) Kelly takes Matt to a lingerie store to buy something sexy for Kim, then insists that she and Kim have the same body type (they don't) so if it looks good on her it will look good on Kim. Thankfully, we do not get a Mother Son Lingerie Fashion Show, but Kelly does insist that Matt buys matching sexy black silk robes for her and Kim. The salespeople in the store are understandably weirded out. The only thing Kelly is weirded out by is Matt planning to look for engagement rings soon.

We still have one more couple to meet--they apparently have a toddler and are planning their wedding that the mom seems to thing is her wedding day.


Please please tell me someone else watched this so I don't have to be alone in my shame!!
Tags: reality show, television - tlc
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