Blorpz (blorpz) wrote in ohnotheydidnt,

ONTD Original: Carly Rae JepSEXY Playlist

It's the weekend and you know what that means: making love to any and all of the people / strangers / yourself that you trust not to give you COVID. But what are you going to play in the background to set the mood? I present the Carly Rae JepSEXY playlist.

Now, why would you want to use Carly Rae Jepsen to soundtrack your sexy times? After all, you're more likely to hear her music playing at a Wet Seal and not so much when you're playing with your wet veal. Maybe you met your lover on a Carly cruise. Maybe you're real horny after watching GREASE: LIVE! Maybe your lover has a Canadian fetish and it's Canadian Thanksgiving. I don't know, I didn't come to judge, I came to get you moist. (In other words, it felt like a fun challenge so bear with me.)

1. "Everything He Needs"

It's a good song to slowly strip your clothes off to and she sings about kissing and handholding. It's funny, so you can laugh off those sex-is-awkward-sometimes jitters. And Carly's at her breathiest, even when she says her man needs her in all the ways (not just physically, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, AND sexually). Bonus trivia: it samples a song from Popeye, which is very romantic if your lover has huge forearms.

Sexiest lyrics: "I can never give him enough / Enough of my love, enough of my love / Enough of my / I can never give him enough / Enough of my love" (I don't think love means hugs here, if you know what I mean)

2. "All That"

Carly's first (don't quote me on this) collaboration with Dev Hynes showed me that HORN•Y can also be an E•MO•TION. It's technically a slow jam which helps you build up a little bit of rhythm before going all the way. Plus, the music is sparse enough that you can comfortably rescind your consent if you decide that tonight is not the night - you can say, "let's put on my signed Blu-ray of Leap! and cuddle instead."

Sexiest lyrics: "I'll be your lighthouse when you're lost at sea / I'll keep my light on, baby / You can always come to me" (these lines inspired the RPatz movie The Lighthouse)

3."Too Much"

We're still on one of the early bases in our Jepsexy list and I think this is a good beat to hump or thrust or bob your head around to. This is the song I hear when I see the Penny Happy Endings gif because it sounds like what pleasure feels. I like it, too, because she is checking in a lot with her partner: "Am I too close? Is this too much? Are you down?" It's good to have an open dialogue while you're doing sex (unless it's a glory hole situation, but even then you should probably tell the receptor when you're about to you know what [c-u-m]).

Sexiest lyrics: "And did you know that I'm wild for your skin / And the dance that we're in, so close now, so close now"

4. "Love Me Like That" (The Knocks feat. CRJ)

It's a sad song, I admit, but it's about clarity, coming in from the storm and wrapping yourself up in your warmest CRJ monogrammed cardiCarlygan. And whether you're a pro at PIV or strictly come frotting, that's what a soft and supple sexual encounter should feel like. At this point, I'm nervous that I only picked songs where she's breathy, but maybe I have an ASMR thing and didn't realize.

Sexiest lyrics: "Remember we needed all our days and nights / To get enough of us to satisfy / We played that out a thousand times"

5. "Backseat" (Charli XCX feat. CRJ)

I THINK this song is a tribute to having no place to get busy so you do it in a car. I like the vivid imagery of being close to your crush. This song uses that distortion that Charli is known for, which is good for both feeling the ecstasy of the moment and drowning out normal but sometimes unpleasant sex noises. This song isn't for everybody, so if you don't like it, use it to take a break to pee or get some water.

Sexiest lyrics: "My fingers run through his hair / I'm grippin' at regrets / I put my mouth on his lips to taste"

6. "Roses"

I admit this song is a bit of a downer, but we are halfway through our love making; this is a good time to get out those (potentially embarassing) I really really really really like you tears before you finish with some real nasty stuff that you hope your ancestors don't see from heaven. It's a little bit of a callback to "All That", too, with all the friendship talk. It's nice to be friends with your sex partners, at least in this OP's opinion!

Sexiest lyrics: "Dancing in the dark / Love made in the park / Big white blossom tree / Baby, cover me / Hold me, left to blow / Please don't let me go" (could the tree be a reference to those trees that smell like semen [called Pyrus calleryana]?)

7. "Warm Blood"

It's about losing control and feeling the heat from your lover's blood. Our lovemaking is building up to something and there's lots of thumps and slaps in the background if you need help keeping a good pace or remembering to lightly slap your bang buddy's rear. The disco ball in the picture definitely is stewing in some sex juices if you think about it. Bonus sex points if you're doing some vampire roleplay for Halloween (here's a line you can borrow: don't stake my heart, stake my ass!).

Sexiest lyrics: "Warm blood, underneath my skin / Warm blood, my heart is pumping / Warm blood, underneath my skin / Warm blood, my heart is pumping"

8. "Never Get to Hold You"

It's not the sexiest on the list, but you can feel Carly yearning to spend the night with somebody. The song title is misleading; the full lyric is "I never get to hold you as long as I want to" which is really quite romantic if you think about it. Other lyrics talk about storms and understanding, if you need a narrative thread between other songs on this list. Also, it's nice to hear "you're all that I need" over and over. You can tell your lover they're all that you need and if your lover is clever enough, they'll say that all they need is your nut and you can start wrapping up this sex session. I mean, come on, you're like 35 minutes into it. We need an exit strategy at this point.

Sexiest lyrics: "Until I saw you in my thunderstorm, I didn't see you / I wanna be the one that's in your arms / I wanna feel you"

9. "No Drug Like Me"

This is the song that inspired me to make this list. Once I heard this, I knew that Carly Rae Jepsen is no longer a virgin (it's OK if you are, no judgments here, being sex positive means letting people go at their own pace). The lyrics are about opening up, blossoming, feeling good, knowing your street value, etc. It's delicate and sexy, like when you don't know how much longer you can hold on. I also think the end of the song feels like post-coital kissing.

Sexiest lyrics: "And if you make me feel in love, then I'll blossom for you / If you make me open up, I'll tell only the truth" (shuck her like an oyster, I think she is saying!)

10. "Heartbeat"

Your heartbeat slows down after orgasm and you can get a little buzz when it speeds up again. Which makes this song perfect for when you're holding each other afterwards (maybe after a quick rinse). It's reflective and not too intrusive, letting you think about the awesome stuff you just did or participated in having done to you. Plus, it's about the fear of falling for somebody, so you can talk about your feelings if you need an in. And if you don't, the opening lyric is "Thinking that I need you to go now" if you're the sleeping alone type.

Sexiest lyrics: "I was busy sleeping, sleeping with you / I thought I'd never feel this way, but I do"

Sources: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Copulate Me Maybe Spotify Playlist
Tags: carly rae jepsen, music / musician, ontd original

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