ShannenB (shannenb) wrote in ohnotheydidnt,

90 Day Fiance Happily Ever After: The Tell All Part 1

Hello 90 Day Hamily! I can't really do a recap of this, because 1) it's a Zoom tell all so there's no constructed storyline, and 2) TLC is dragging this out for 2 more nights! But I thought I'd hit up the highlights of night 1, so we can then use this thread to discuss tonight and tomorrow's eps before we officially stick a knife in this season, cause much like Debbie, Angela, Jess, and Mother Asuelu, we are DONE! Well, until next season anyway.

*Colt remains a whiny gaslighter. First he complains that everyone there has a partner who likes them (umm, has he seen this season?) and both his partners on this show hate him. Well, you know what they say Colt, the only constant in all your failed relationships is you. Then he complains that Jess manipulated him into sex. Then he condescends to Jess, calling her Sweetheart a million times and asking "What did you even like about me", like what did *you* like about Jess aside from that she would have sex with you and is Brazilian. He doesn't get to act like he had all these high and noble reasons for being with Jess and she didn't. He also lets everyone know that he sends his pics of his tiny d to women to get affection, and offers to send one to Angela when she asks.

*Debbie meanwhile remains delusional about both her son's desirability as a catch ("You are both mad that he dumped you!") and about her own role in her son's failed relationships, stating that Larissa ruined his relationship with Jess (by calling and warning that Colt and his mom are demons) before Debbie had a chance to.

*Jess accuses Colt of being a liar, of red suiting Debbie because she's the devil, and pretty much that's it. She'll be more part of part 2, we will dig into if Colt was having sex with Vanessa while he was with Jess. He says he wasn't, but smirks that he had sex with her before Jess and after Jess.

*Vanessa is going to show up and have to claim that she had sex with Colt. Girl, love youself.mp3! Deny deny deny! Remember, it's not a lie if you believe it!

*Larissa spent time defending her plastic surgery bill, and claiming that she takes care of her kids in Brazil, and clapping back to Andrei about at least having a job. And she keeps screaming "YOU HAVE NO MORALS!" at everyone for some reason. She tells everyone Colt is fat, a liar, and a cheater (which comes out like "shitter") and claims she'll have some unknown info to drop about Colt in part 2.

*Andrei does shirtless pushups, has to defend himself from CSI Tampa once again, and tries to get Chuck to give him a job, but Charlie shuts that down right quick. He also has to defend his right to be a stay at home dad, which Tania uses as a chance to show how woke she is about gender norms. Because of course she does.

*Libby is horrified at seeing the way her family talked about Moldova, and at least defends her husband's culture even if she can't defend him.

*Chuck/Charlie/Jenn think alcohol can't be to blame for aggressive behavior except when it is the cause of Charlie staggering around drunk at a wedding which in that case he's blameless and can 100% blame it on the alcohol, Jenn and Charlie want everyone to know they paid for their own weddings, which I doubt, Jenn has some wonky eyes and ugly plate chargers, and it's OK if you call food peasant food when you mean we would throw that away in the US, because our bacon has meat on it. Did you expect an apology for what they said about Moldova and the food Mother Andrei worked on so hard? Yeah, it didn't happen.

*Angela is wearing a gaiter face mask because she has a tooth abscess. Also her arm appears to have been attacked by a badger. It's all torn up. She requests Colt's peen pics, wishes she'd met Chuck before she met Michael, cries about her wedding and her mom missing it, she gets real about her body insecurities and says that's why she was upset about Michael looking at all the booty popping in the nightclub, and says she got all up on Michael's attractive friend Dre at the club to make Michael jealous, but he wasn't.

*Michael: Gets busted out about lap dances--Angela says she gave him a lap dance because he said he'd never had one even though she was very insecure about doing a lap dance at her size, but she catches Michael during the tell all admitting he had a lap dance in college. She gets over it pretty quickly, and he doesn't provide more details other than "It was in college!"

*Kalani has ended up taking Asuelu back because he just showed up one day and there he was. She says they still haven't been on good terms, and it's made worse by the fact that he is still running around playing volleyball and apparently teaching some dance class like Covid isn't happening. Kalani points out that her mother is still staying with them, and she has a heart condition which puts her at risk.

*Asuelu says he knows Covid is a problem, but he also thinks there is no difference between him going to volleyball and them going to the store. He also thinks he doesn't have to listen to Kalani because she sniffs the milk despite him repeatedly asking her not to because it apparently makes the milk go bad? Do none of these people know there are expiration dates printed right on the carton?

*Mother Asuelu/Mother Kalani/Tammy/Kolini show up. Mother Kalani thinks Asuelu's disregard for Covid is selfish. Kolini says you can't get people to change from being selfish if they were raised that way. Asuelu threatens to stomp off, which Kolini says he always does when he can't take the heat. Kalani gets him to stay, saying that she's gonna have to listen to shit about herself from his family. Tammy claims everyone is attacking Asuelu, but also tells everyone including Kolini to butt out because it's none of their business, only her business. Also, she's not going to fess up to how much money she sends home and if you ask her she will totally beat you up. Mother Kalani says that she has no problem with sending money back home as she and Low still do that to this day, but it's a case of you get what you get and be happy with it instead of demanding a dollar amount. Angela says she would totally whup Tammy's ass if she were her mom, and she's brought the tickets to the gun show to prove it.

Tonight: Asuelu confronts his family about wanting him to leave his wife and kids; Hipster Stache and Andrew show up to express their glee as Syngin says if he and Tania aren't happy they might need to find new partners (promises, promises) ; Vanessa has to claim that micopeen; Cool Aunt Lydia shows up to ask when Angela is going to get going on IVF, and Angela bellows that she's 54 and she doesn't have time or money for IVF!! She's DONE with her beautiful uterus apparently.


Come here to discuss Part 2-3! And don't forget The Other Way is back Oct 11th!
Tags: 90 day fiance, television - tlc
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