Rachel lurks outside the choir room door watching current Glee coach Sandy Ryerson rehearse with some guy. She sees Sandy touch the student’s stomach and it’s implied that she reports this to Principal Figgins and gets him fired. It’s later revealed she does this not out of concern, but because Sandy gave Hank a solo she thought she deserved. Later, Sandy Ryerson, apparently now a drug dealer, gives Will a free sample of medical marijuana. Will hears someone singing in the shower and follows his voice to find Finn, singing in the shower. Will proceeds to spy on him while he finishes showering and then plants the drugs in his locker to blackmail Finn into joining Glee Club, because Rachel insists that she needs a “leading man” who can keep up with her. Artie is RIGHT THERE, Rachel!
The glee club goes behind Will’s back and sings Push It at a school assembly with a provocative dance routine. There are complaints from parents. In the very next episode, Will’s acapella group (that includes Finn and Puck, two underage students) performs “I Wanna Sex You Up” at a PTA meeting and everyone loves it.
Will’s wife, Terri, whose job experience consists of being a manager at Sheets N’ Things, gets hired as the new school nurse. (Sue pushed the old nurse down the stairs and she is now in a coma). Figgins gives her the job after she tells him she used a defibrillator once. She proceeds to give the entire Glee Club Sudafed, claiming that they are “vitamins”. She has one of her employees from Sheets N’ Things bring her 36 boxes of the stuff and he is promptly arrested on suspicion of running a meth lab.
Figgins makes Sue the co-director of the Glee club for some reason. She proceeds to take all the minority students (including Artie who is disabled and Kurt who is gay) to be her own glee club. Later, she tells Puck and Brittany that Will hates minorities, so they defect to her club as well, leaving just Finn, Quinn, and Rachel in New Directions. At the end of the episode, Will tells the club that they’re all minorities because they’re in Glee club.
A girl attempts to commit suicide by eating the world’s hottest pepper because Will doesn't love her.
Mercedes and Kurt join the Cheerios and Sue’s criticism has Mercedes not eating. She has a hallucination featuring her fellow glee club members as various foodstuffs and then passes out after replacing like two meals with nutrition shakes. Miranda Sanchez's impact.
Rachel sends a prospective glee club member, Sunshine Corazon, to a crackhouse, claiming it’s where she will audition. But it’s okay. It wasn’t an ACTIVE crackhouse.
Sue thinks the students should be eating better, so she removes tater tots from the school cafeteria menu. Mercedes leads a school wide protest to bring back the tots. Mercedes also apparently thinks a piece of broccoli is a toilet brush.
Sue needs a routine for a cheer competition and feels as if she’s getting stale. She decides that she’s going to fire Brittany out of a cannon. Quinn goes to Will, who goes to Figgins, who tells Sue she can’t fire anyone out of a cannon without their permission. Sue destroys the office, physically harms students, and destroys the locker room. Later, she manipulates Brittany into signing the consent form because the “daddy cannon” has “baby cannons he needs to feed”
After Sue loses the competition, she announces she is going to commit “Sue-icide”. Will and Emma rush to her apartment only to find out that “Sue-icide” means taking a lot of Flintstones gummy vitamins. In order to make her feel better, Will takes her to a pediatric cancer center. Later, they sing “Sing” by My Chemical Romance. Sue later bans the club from singing the song, claiming the drummer of My Chemical Romance is her lover and he won’t give up the rights.
Brittany tells Santana that she thinks she has a bun in the oven.Santana immediately tells Tina, who tells Puck and Lauren, who tell Artie (Brittany’s current boyfriend). Artie freaks out because he doesn’t want to be a dad yet. There’s a big ruckus at the glee club, and Brittany reveals that she thinks she’s pregnant because she saw a stork at her house. Everyone’s reactions are priceless.
The original songs - I’m just putting in the videos because they’re honestly all insane. My Cup and Hell To The No were lowkey bops tho.
Anyway, back to the list:
Rachel, who has been a Broadway fan since birth, buys everyone tickets to see Cats while in New York City. Quinn of all people has to tell her that Cats closed years ago (Rachel, you should know that.) Rachel reveals she bought the tickets from a guy who made her swipe her credit card in his butt crack.
Sue pushes a rival glee club coach down the stairs so she can take over his job.
Santana tells Brittany that she’s not cheating on Artie by being with her, because “it doesn’t count if we’re both girls”. When Artie finds out, he’s portrayed as the bad guy for getting upset and calling Brittany stupid. (He shouldn't have called her stupid but he wasn't in the wrong here)
(Naya Rivera deserved an Emmy for that)
Brittany reveals she lost her virginity at cheerleading camp when “some guy climbed into her tent” and refers to it as an “alien invasion”
Sam, Quinn, and Mercedes are revealed to be in a club called the “God Squad”. A new student (Joe) joins, and he reveals that each of his dreadlocks is named after one of the books of the Bible. Mercedes says, statistically, one of the twelve apostles must have been gay and it was probably Simon because “that name’s the gayest”
Sue decides she’s going to have a baby. Roz Washington and Santana both have the same comment - “With whose vagina?!”
Tina falls into a fountain at the mall, and has a dream that she and Rachel have switched places. The other members of the Glee Club have also swapped places. High points include Finn and Puck switching with Kurt and Blaine, respectively, as well as Artie and Santana, Brittany and Mercedes, and Quinn and Sugar.
Someone complains about Brittany and Santana kissing at school. Principal Figgins claims he would much rather see them kiss than that “so-called Finchel” but "his hands are tied"
Other things that happened in the first three seasons:
- Josh Groban shows up at a Midwestern high school PTA meeting to hand deliver a restraining order to Sandy Ryerson, who has been sending him nude photos.
- Will's wife fakes her pregnancy and goes so far as to plan to have Quinn give her her baby.
- Mercedes develops a crush on Kurt (who is still in the closet at this point) and when he rejects her, she sings “Bust Your Windows” and throws a rock at his car. Later, Kurt claims his dad took away his car anyway because he found Kurt’s tiara collection. (How DARE you - Burt would NEVER!)
- Will purposely flunks all of Sue’s Cheerios in Spanish, which makes them academically ineligible for the squad, except for the three in Glee Club. Quinn and Santana not failing makes sense - Santana is Latina and it’s implied that Quinn is a straight A student, but we’re expected to believe Brittany is passing Spanish. (It’s later revealed that she is a math genius so idk man). Sue has a meltdown in the office, destroying school property and assaulting a secretary.
- Rachel gets laryngitis and can't sing, so Finn takes her to visit a friend of his who is paralyzed so she can see it could be worse.
- Kristin Chenoweth, a Glee alum, returns to McKinley as a student even though she's 30 and promptly starts sleeping with the football players and gives Kurt alcohol.
- Finn tells Puck and his football coach that he has to miss practice because his mom had her prostate removed. They both believe him until Puck later looks it up and finds out that women don’t have prostates.
- Tina is revealed to have been faking a stutter for the last four years because she didn’t want to do a speech.
- Run Joey Run (which is iconic)
- Emma starts therapy to help her cope with her OCD so she can be in a real relationship with Will. He promptly makes out with Idina Menzel and sleeps with Kristen Chenoweth. Sue tells Emma and Emma calls him a slut in the middle of the teacher's lounge.
- Kristen Chenoweth announces her plans to do the first all-white production of The Wiz. It does not go well.
- Sue blackmails Principal Figgins by slipping him a date rape drug and taking incriminating photographs of him while he is knocked out.
- Kurt makes out with Brittany to prove some sort of point. (I think he thought his dad liked Finn more because Finn is straight?)
- Rachel tells Santana that the only job she’ll ever have is “working on a pole”. Will says nothing.
- Quinn tells Sue that Santana got a boob job which makes her ineligible to be captain of the Cheerios, meaning Quinn can be captain again. They have a catfight in the school hallway, which is broken up by Will who definitely touches some underage boob while he’s breaking it up.
- Finn and Rachel decide the only way they can POSSIBLY lose a duets competition is by purposely failing. They choose to sing “With You I’m Born Again” while dressed as a nun and a priest.
- Sue gets married - to herself.
- Sue catches Jacob Ben Israel masturbating in the school library to the glee club's Britney Spears performance...at 10:00 PM.
- The glee club is asked to perform a song at the school alcohol awareness assembly. The entire club plus Blaine, except for Kurt and Finn, gets wasted the night before. They choose to perform “Tik Tok” by Kesha (Or as Figgins says, “Tik and also Tok by Ke dollar sign ha”) Brittany and Santana throw up on stage because they’re so hungover. Actually, that’s not 100% correct. They throw up on Rachel. Goodforthem.gif
- Blaine and Rachel make out. Kurt flips out on Blaine because Blaine thinks he might be bisexual instead of gay, and that bisexuals don’t exist (or something like that)
- Mike Chang gets an A-. Everyone on the show calls it an “Asian F“
- Emma’s parents, who are apparently “ginger supremacists”, berate her for her OCD. Will calls them racist.
- Literally the entire episode of “The Spanish Teacher” is a hot mess. It’s so messy that I can’t even articulate how messy it is.
- Puck sleeps with Idina Menzel, who is both his teacher and his biological daughter’s adoptive mother. He performs “Hot For Teacher” in the classroom.
- Finn tells Rachel he's taking her somewhere, but actually takes her to the train station and puts her on a train to New York.
- Finn outs Santana, but she forgives him after he sings "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" to her
-Finn proposes to Rachel. She eventually says yes. Their parents are also fine with it. The wedding goes as planned until Quinn gets in a car crash before the ceremony.
-The school musical is extended after Mercedes has a better audition than Rachel for the lead role. The musical is extended to add additional performances so both Mercedes and Rachel can play the lead. Mercedes quits.
- The theme for the school prom is dinosaurs. Brittany dresses as a caveman and sings Kesha's "Dinosaur"
- Sam, whose family is struggling financially, is revealed to be stripping to make money. He is 16 years old.
Season 4-6 might actually be even more ridiculous, so look forward to that one coming soon-ish.
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What is your fave messy Glee plot from the first three seasons, ONTD?