franklotion (franklotion) wrote in ohnotheydidnt,

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ONTD Original: 12 Songs You Had No Business Listening to As a Kid

Jesus wept as we downloaded these tracks off Limewire and Napster, burnt them on to our CD-R's, recorded these songs onto cassettes, and casually blasted them with zero shame. Blasted them in our rooms, or blasting them through cheap earphones while pretending to be the music video (but slowly because your Walkman and/or early iPod or non-brandname mp3 player skipped if you got too hype.

You blasted these sinful pieces of audio perfection at sleepovers, and fought over who got to sing what part. You fought tooth and nail to not be Sporty Spice. God forbid these tracks played on the radio in your kitchen or parent's car because you'd be demanding the volume be moved to absolute max, and almost like a whiplash, your mom or dad would change the station.

Despite the Man trying to bring us down, we would find a way to these blasphemous tunes. We fought and we won because it was proper QUALITY music, and even if we had zero understanding of what these people were singing about... we felt it in our spirits.

NOW that we’re grown, it’s time for us to bop properly to these bangers and slappers with subtexts and all!

"Fancy" — Reba McEntire (1990)
She said, "here's your chance, Fancy, don't let me down
Here's your one chance, Fancy, don't let me down
Lord, forgive me for what I do
But if you want out, well, it's up to you
Now don't let me down now
Your mama's gonna move you uptown

Girl, this song was about selling your body to get out of generational poverty. And for nigh on 15 years, Fancy Rae Baker didn't have to worry about surviving in that one-room shack with her sick momma and her newborn baby. Fancy took that one chance, and she was mad. But she understood, years later, why her momma bought her that red dress, good perfume, and them shiny dancing shoes. Being nice to those gentlemen allowed her to become her own person, and give back to the community she came from. It allowed her to escape, and keep safe. She may have been born plain white trash, BUT FANCY WAS HER NAME

"Genie In A Bottle" — Christina Aguilera (1999)
Oh, oh, oh
My body's sayin' let's go
Oh, oh, oh
But my heart is sayin' no

If you wanna be with me
Baby, there's a price to pay
I'm a genie in a bottle
You gotta rub me the right way

I never understood why my dad looked at me and my sister sideways for screaming the lyrics to a song about a genie. It's a song about a genie in a bottle. Who needed to be rubbed the right way to be released, like Robin Williams in Aladdin? What's the issue? Our bodies were saying let's go, and we had hands that could rub lamps, so why not?

"Like A Prayer" — Madonna (1989)
When you call my name it's like a little prayer
I'm down on my knees, I wanna take you there
In the midnight hour I can feel your power
Just like a prayer, you know I'll take you there
When you call my name it's like a little prayer
I'm down on my knees, I wanna take you there
In the midnight hour I can feel a power

Just like a prayer you know I'll take you there

Why were adults so up in arms about us singing a song about god with a full-blown choir? My Black father shouldn't have a problem with Black Jesus, I thought. Maybe the burning crosses? He never seemed to care about the crosses as much as the whole "being on your knees and taking you there" part

"Too Close" — Next (1997)
Step back, you're dancing kind of close
I feel a little poke coming through on you
Now girl I know you felt it
But boo, you know I can't help it

You know what I wanna do

Ok ok ok LMAO in hindsight, I really should've known that I had no business playing with this song. Even 9 year-old me knew this bop was nasty

"Get Down" — b4-4 (2000)
I want to know, exactly what to do,
So that you'll never get me off of your mind.
Communicate, and I'll go undercover
Gonna make you come tonight,
Over to my house,
If you get down on me, I'll get down on you,
I will do anything that you want me to,
It's a game of give and take to make it through.
So if you get down on me, I'll get down on you tonight

Gonna make you come tonight, over to my house. Jesus didn't just weep, he full-on caused a flood to form from above the clouds when my middle school self sang this aloud with my friend's parents in the next room

"2 Become 1" — Spice Girls (1996)
Are you as good as I remember baby, get it on, get it on
'Cause tonight is the night when two become one
I need some love like I never needed love before
(Wanna make love to ya baby)
I had a little love, now I'm back for more
(Wanna make love to ya baby)
Set your spirit free, it's the only way to be
Ah, oh wow
Ah, oh wow
Be a little bit wiser baby, put it on, put it on
'Cause tonight is the night when two become one

Oh my God. I'm actually crying from laughing so hard right now, and not in that fake Tumblr reblog way. I am actually in tears. Little-me had no idea why this slow and peaceful sounding tune was a problem when I played it. Like, I really felt I was being attacked when I was told this song was inappropriate, and to listen to something else. I thought it was an attack on femininity itself, and not because my grade-school ass was singing about DOING IT

"Emotions" — Mariah Carey (1991)
I feel good
I feel nice
I've never felt so
I'm in love
I'm alive
Flying high
It feels like a dream
When you touch me tenderly
I don't know if it's real
But I like the way I feel inside
You've got me feeling emotions
Deeper than I've ever dreamed of
You've got me feeling emotions
Higher than the heavens above

"Give IT To You" — Jordan Knight (1999)
Anything goes when I give it to you
You know without a doubt, I'll turn you out
I'll give it to you
The feeling is fine, giving you everything of mine
I'm the place to be
And soon, you'll see
I don't care who leads
As long as we move horizontally
Anyone can make you sweat
But I, can keep you wet
"But why do I have to switch to another channel? This video's so cool! He's dancing at in front all of those fun rides. I wanna dance at the park too!!" was something I uttered as a 7 year-old promptly before the my father took the remote from my hand, and switched channels to TVO Kids. It was playing some re-run of Bear in the Big Blue House

"Oops (Oh My)" — Tweet feat. Missy Elliot (2000)
(I looked over to the left)
Mmm, I was looking so good, I couldn't reject myself
(I looked over to the left)
Mmm, I was feeling so good, I had to touch myself
(I looked over to the left)
Mmm, I was eyeing my thighs, butter pecan brown
(I looked over to the left)
Mmm, comin' outta my shirt and then my skirt came down

I did not understand that this song was about masturbation, but I knew it was a [literal] banger that I could only listen to in private because nasty TRANSCENDS language

"Candy Shop" — 50 Cent feat. Olivia (2005)
Give it to me, baby, nice and slow
Climb on top, ride like you in a rodeo
You ain't never heard it sound like this before
'Cause I ain't never put it down like this
Soon as I come through the door
She get to pulling on my zipper
It's like it's a race, who could get undressed quicker
Isn't it ironic, how erotic it is to watch her in thongs?
Had me thinking about that ass after I'm gone
I touch the right spot at the right time
Lights on or lights off, she like it from behind
So seductive, you should see the way she whine
Her hips in slow-mo' on the floor when we grind
Long as she ain't stoppin', homie, and I ain't stoppin'
Dripping wet with sweat, man, it's on and poppin'
All my champagne campaign, bottle after bottle, it's on
And we gon' sip 'til every bubble in every bottle is gone

Okay, I knew I was wrong playing this at the 5th grade dance. I knew this ish was nasty, and I played dumb when the teacher turned it off less than 30 seconds in. Yup

"Goodbye Earl" — The Dixie Chicks (2000)
Right away Mary Anne flew in from Atlanta
On a red eye midnight flight
She held Wanda's hand as they worked out a plan
And it didn't take 'em long to decide
That Earl had to die, goodbye Earl
Those black-eyed peas, they tasted alright to me, Earl
You're feelin' weak? Why don't you lay down and sleep, Earl
Ain't it dark wrapped up in that tarp, Earl

When I was a kid, I actively refused to watch our local country music TV channel out of duty to my Black identity. Unless it was playing reruns of Reba, but other than that, I vehemontly refused to watch or listen to country music. HOWEVER, this song was just so catchy, and I sang my heart out to its beautiful sound without watching the music video, or understanding the gravity of its lyrics. Domestic abuse, murder, and selling Tennessee ham and strawberry jam in a roadside stand. I just thought it was a fire song as a kid, and now that I understand its meaning, I think it's the whole damn volcano cause Earl had to die

SOURCE: Inattentive parents and babysitters ; Cable TV ; The lyrics in my heart + 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12

ONTD! What are some songs from your youth that YOU knew you had no business bopping to?
Tags: 1980s, 1990s, 2000s, music / musician, nostalgia, ontd original
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