"We had to prove ourselves very hard. I would spit farther, yell louder, and thrash my neck wilder than anyone." @yelyahwilliams on what went wrong with Paramore and her new solo life https://t.co/7RG6PGp9D4— Vulture (@vulture) May 6, 2020
Hayley talked to Vulture about a LOT:
- Her new album Petals for Armor (out Friday) and how she transitioned to making solo music
- Going to therapy for depression, venting with friends like Bethany Cosentino from Best Coast, using anger as a medium
- Things she had to put up with as a young woman in music, often being the only female in male spaces.
- Paramore drama starting from when she was signed as a solo artist at age 14, but fought to be in a band instead, all the way up to Josh and Zac Farro leaving the band in 2010
- Her relationship with Chad Gilbert, including getting together before he was divorced and going through her own divorce from him while touring
- Songs on Fiona Apple's new album that she relates to in regards to being "the other woman"
"Being a woman in the music industry is not often a conversation I love to have. It’s just my existence. It would be like someone being to anyone: 'What’s it like to have nipples?' I don’t know. I’ve always had them."
On Warped Tour culture, "The pop-punk and emo scene in the early 2000s. It was brutally misogynistic. A lot of internalized sexism, and even when you were lucky enough to meet other bands who were kind and respectful, there was other shit that wasn’t."
- Also talks about how in 2006, she decided to start wearing tank tops on stage so people threw condoms at her that stuck to her chest.
- Mentions how a friend of the band Straylight Run made a joke/reference to her pussy when she was 16/17 years old.
- Mentions that backstage at a show at Wembley, Josh had asked her what "monetarily" she thought of him. This was his and Zac's last stretch of shows before they left and they were trying to figure out if they should take legal action against her afterwards.
On being like "a mother" to Paramore: "What I’m learning in therapy is that I have tried to Wendy Moira Angela Darling my way through shit all the time. I found my family in my bandmates. From then on, we put ourselves in a position where we’d go out on the road, live like Lost Boys, and I’m constantly trying to figure out how to take care of them. I feel an immense responsibility to our crew. Who is taking care of me? I would love to be a mom someday. More than anything, I’m still learning how to mother myself. That young version of me that felt orphaned or lost and didn’t deserve the shit she saw is hard to accept."
On starting her relationship with Chad Gilbert while he was still married to Sherri Dupree, "I went through with the marriage because I had a lot of shame about mistakes I’d made. I got into that relationship prematurely. He was not divorced [from his previous wife] yet. I was very lonely. It was the beginning of the guys and I not having a great time in the band."
"Singing [Dead Horse] was like being in a plastic bag for years and finally poking a hole in it. I had a lot of shame about being the other woman, about being betrayed, about staying."
"Okay, well, I don’t know how personal to get, but I’ve been able to make amends — after my divorce, and due to the kindness of the other person. I don’t want to put her out there, because it’s unfair.....It took me far longer than I’d have liked, but we understand each other on a level. The person I offended when I was the other woman, at that point in my life, was the only person in the entire world who could have understood my specific pain. Because I was betrayed and felt alone and stupid. Considering that at one point we were at odds with each other, that’s interesting....The thing that’s hard for people who feel betrayed is understanding that it has nothing to do with them. It’s about the offending party. For me, making amends meant being able to flush out all the poison that was floating around in me. It helped me finally let go, because so much of why I stayed was to prove I wasn’t a bad person."
The entire article is a good read, imo. It was hard to pick which parts to include here,,,,I figure drama matters most.
edited to clarify the Straylight Run bullet!