beysactingcoach (beysactingcoach) wrote in ohnotheydidnt,

  • Music:

Oh No They Didn't Cover That! Here Are Some Rennerditions (ONTD Investigation Discovery Original)

Inspired - or at least tortured by knowing that G-Eazy and Ashley Benson released a cover of Radiohead/Albert Hammond Sr.'s "Creep", she has decided to bestow upon you some other awful cover songs. Some covers can be delightfully enjoyable like LaBelle's "Lady Marmalade" being updated for Christina Aguilera, MYA, Pink, Missy and Lil Kim, soul legend Charles Bradley covering Black Sabbath's "Changes", Johnny Cash covering "Hurt"

And then there are the others - and here are some questionable artistic choices to make your ears bleed during quarantine. It's time to tell these people to throw in the "tile". Just to mess with y'all, I'm not putting the originals lmaoooooooooooooooooo

1. Duran Duran "911 is a Joke". Original by Public Enemy, OP's blood pressure: 278999999/44

Now I am not screwing with you, this happened. This cover happened. It exists, it is listenable, it is accessible, people stood on this cover wit they whole chest. Like... the cacophony of mayonnaise mediocrity that is woven through this poor excuse of a song. Now, DD has given us pop perfection so to die on this hill. The bootleg Americana sound of Bob Dylan, that weird Chet Haze rap, it also tries to turn into a punk song. It's A lot going on.

2. The Blues Brothers "Soul Man". Original by Sam and Dave

Yes, they began as an SNL gimmick but are actually considered a real recording group. Flailing around on the stage like a roundworm that's on a hot sidewalk. THEY DON'T HAVE THE RANGE!

3. Travis "...Baby One More Time". Original by Britney Spears


4. Dynamite Hack "Boyz-N-The Hood". Original by Eazy-E.

Ya know that wimpy sad sack who reads a CliffNotes on Marcel Proust and watched Dekalog and can explain to you about "seeing both sides" and you just don't understand? That's this guy - he would cover this song.

Oh and yeah, he says it.

5. A Perfect Circle "When the Levee Breaks". Original by Led Zeppelin and that was probably stolen by a black musician. Anyway, back to regularly scheduled program.

Granted covers from established bands shouldn't be a copy and paste of the original. But A Perfect Circle should have done that with this Zepp cover. It manages to be devoid of all emotion and sounds like what plays when you and ya moms hit the Homegoods.

6. Bruce Willis "Respect Yourself". Original by The Staple Singers. OP is white knuckling it, call for halp!

Chiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiile, know I know we have all been befuddled at this man abandoning his minor kids and wife to kick it with his ex-wife. Why is he bartending, gyrating, fooling America into thinking he had it. He had already established himself in Moonlighting and was inking deals for the Die Hard franchise. Dis was not needed.

7. Jeremy Renner "House of the Rising Sun". Mostly popularized by The Animals.

Yes, this song has been coveredT to hell and back but they at least always try to retain the grittiness of was in The Animals' version, Renner's fails miserably. Like that Jehovah's Witness grandma who says the song is the devil's work, but Renner's version is palatable and nice to her.

8. Pat Boone covering "Enter Sandman". Original by Metallica. (Teeheehee)

Let me explain to the chilluns - Pat Boone in the 1950s was a huge star, popular for his jazz/big band performances, Christian music, father of Debbie Boone who made equally wholesome music. To revitalize his career in the mid 90s, he released a whole album of metal covers but in his signature big band crooner style. His boomer audience was motherfucking shook. I am motherfucking shook. Lars Ulrich, you had to fight Napster but couldn't fight this?

Sources 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
Tags: jeremy renner, music / musician, ontd original
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