ShannenB (shannenb) wrote in ohnotheydidnt,

90 Day Fiance Recap: These damn fools actually got married

I don't know where beysactingcoach is with our normal Sunday night recap! But these idiots need to be discussed, so I'll pinch hit and fill in for some recapping!

Idiot couple #1: The Beekeepers
For reasons that I still think are shady as hell, Mursel managed to get his visa reissued and is heading back to the US to marry Anna in a wedding officiated by Google Translate. Once he arrives, they only have 6 hours to bust ass back home and get married. Anna wants a wedding she has no time for, which includes a wedding dress, guests, Mursel in a wrinkle free suit, and decorations in her back yard. She also wants her oldest son Joey there, but he's peaced out along with Anna's mom. After showing Mursel how to use a steamer, she and her friends manage to throw it all together. Mursel ties a red ribbon around her waist (a Turkish tradition) and they get married, even though I'm still not convinced Mursel knew what he was agreeing to when he said yes.

In the end, youngest son Leo was the star. He showed up only for the cake, although he did walk his mom down the aisle and delivered the toast to sum up this season:

Idiot Couple #2: The We Have Zero In Common Couple

Jasmine and Blake are....zzzzzz....oh sorry, they are so boring I drifted off to sleep. They are getting married, cause why the hell not. Opposites attract, right? Of course, there's opposite and then there's these two. For example, Jasmine wonders why anyone aside from their immediate families have to be at the wedding. Meanwhile, Blake wants to invite everyone he's ever met from the moment he was conceived (and also probably wants to perform his terrible rap music at the reception.) Jasmine tells us she's never been invited to a wedding, so she doesn't know about things like carrying a bouquet (which Blake made out of buying cooler flowers at a corner store and trimming down the stems) or having people witness this. In the end, they go to a park and get married in public in front of people, and Blake's friends say they now see the spark between them and I make a note to book an appointment at Lenscrafters because my glasses prescription clearly needs updated...a lot.

Idiot Couple #3: Just Give the Damn Man a Visa Already

Did you really think Angela and Michael aren't going to drag their appearances out for as long as possible?? Angela's finally come around to a Nigerian wedding...except she has to have a witness for her side from America. So that puts a stop to that, because Angela doesn't know anyone who could fly to Nigeria on short notice like that. So the wedding plans are on hold until next season they either hear some positive news about the K1 or Angela can wrangle up a witness (please pick DJ Doug, please pick DJ Doug!) They part at the airport, but not before Michael presents Angela with a set of gold plated necklaces with each of their names on it. He puts the "Michael" one on her and she puts the "Angela" one on him.

Idiot Couple # 4: The Cheapskate and the Glorified Nanny
Robert and Annie have survived his cheapness and a porno granny's attempts to throw cash money at them, but they are finally here. Annie is sad her family can't attend and sad that Robert's family has to attend, but one of her friends has shown up and helps her get ready. Robert springs for a hairdresser to give him and Bryson matching braids, but doesn't spring for non markdown tuxes, putting them both in matching red numbers that look like they were discarded from a Pimp Prom. On the way to the ceremony, Robert gets the bubble guts because he's only about impregnating women, not sticking around to marry them. He wonders about turning the car around and just calling it off. After Bryson walks Annie to the altar, Robert proclaims he that can't do this right now and dramatically pauses. Everyone waits for him to bolt, but says that he has to do this and pulls out a big engagement ring from his pocket. Since the ring looks like it cost more than $200, I think production gave it to him. He properly proposes to Annie, which he didn't have time to do during that 8 hour cruise ship port of call, and they marry. They are happy for now...until they get the bill, I'm betting.

Idiot Couple #5: The Non Soulmate Couple

Tania and Syngin hash out their differences over this dumb soulmate issue and decide to get married anyway. Tania has booked an "amazing Air BNB" for their DYI backyard wedding which....has a regular, overgrown back yard. Apparently, they couldn't use the yard at home which Syngin has spent the past 90 days mowing and weeding and fertilizing. Maybe he didn't get the house powerwashed like he promised. Anyway, remember how prepared Tania was with the shed before they moved into it? Well, imagine that, but with a wedding. Yup, these two dumbasses show up like 4 hours before the wedding to set the whole thing up *that day*. She's like literally constructing the centerpieces on site. The guests have all arrived and they are still carrying plastic chairs and setting up candle scones on the trees. So everyone waits in the living room until Tania is done, and then she decides she doesn't have time to shower so it's a T&B shower for her (tits and bits.) She's wearing a vintage dress with a black lace overlay over pale pink. She does look pretty even if she probably doesn't smell the best. Syngin looks like he is wearing beach lederhosen. They make a bunch of promises in their vows they won't keep (like she promises to call him when she comes home drunk, which implies she's *not* coming home to him otherwise why call?) and then wrap up the ceremony in the most eye rolling way getting matching tattoos in lieu of wedding rings. A tattoo of an astrological sign that is neither of their signs.

All the other couples did nothing recappable, except Natalie and her crazy eyes accused Mike of doing something untrustworthy off camera, and he wouldn't answer producer's questions about it.

The Tell All
Next week is part one of the two part tell all: Angela yells at Michael and stops off set (again), Tania has to defend her soulmate comments again, and we finally find out what Natalie was prattling on about .

Source 1, Source 2
Tags: 90 day fiance
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