beysactingcoach (beysactingcoach) wrote in ohnotheydidnt,

You Know You Don’t Fit in That Buick: A Look At Shaquille O’Neal in Commercials - An ONTD Original

He couldn’t make free throws for shit but he has bounced his big ass into our hearts and our televisions. Retired Los Angeles Laker basketball hall of famer has taken on new ventures since leaving the court, including something ESPN NBA commentary including the wonderful highlight known as Shaqtin A Fool. Even if you’re not a basketball fan, you’ve this long man acting a fool on your TV doing all kinds of money making shenanigans. This Poolitzuh content will look at some of Shaq’s commercials through the years, some sensical, some nonsensical, and the just plain ol’ “oh no baby, what is you doing?”

Here’s a wonderful clip of an interview he did on Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel talking to some white man is not Bryant Gumbel on what his brand is and why he enjoys doing it.

1. Buick – This elongated man accepted coinT to get in this car. Is it weird – not really considering those Lincoln commericals with Matthew McConoigidifhighojhey. Buick, you have SUVs, albeit tiny ones – he could have that? Knees going through the sunroof like a Space X rocket.

2. IcyHot – Shaq tells us that we can hot plastic rock the pain away with this off-brand Bengay. This makes sense, he’s an athlete – they put their bodies through a lot a pain reliever is an ideal endorsement. This product because it’s not implanted sounds like bullshit tho

3. Gold Bond – This iconic series of commercials makes total sense for Shaq – they bring his goofy humor and no one wants to be ashy on the court (basketball or legal), at work, on the ‘gram.

4. The General Auto Insurance – okay, I always associate these commercials with watching Maury and Jerry Springer. Besides Shaq has money, you know he probably has Allstate. You’re being deceitful Shaq, but him in a flattop wig makes up for it.

5. Reebok – well yeah, there was bound to be a fucking shoe on here. This has everything 90s that you love: Shaq, ugly Dad sneakers that will take over the ‘gram 30 years later, horrible special effects, menacing men in suits brooding and shit and Shaq.

6. Pepsi – Is it as poignant and transcendent as Kendall’s – verdict is still out. This commercial hit and was probably influenced by Forrest Gump. Here we see this tall man with hair on his head (OP was high key shocked at the sight of this) insert his way into classic films and TV shows like North by Northwest and I Love Lucy.

7. Ring – The company has been steeped in controversy lately but let’s go back to a more innocent time when Shaq was playing in them white folks’ trees. This one don’t make sense I guess – OP feels like he has real security and probably CCTV and a gated home. He don’t use Ring.

8. Carnival Cruises - Who the fuck is this? I don’t know I just saw that that skyscraper of a human is on these commercials. ONTD, have y’all parents been on this company’s lido deck?

9. American Express – short, and American Sweetheart Wanda Sykes is the highlight of the commercial. How come OP only got Tina Fey when she got her AMEX? What’s in your wallet?

10. Taco Bell - it goes with ya Pepsi. Yes a real throwback, cheesy literally and figuratively. Dr. Shaq (yes he earned a doctorate in education) promotes a 99 cent "burrito" after suffering from Taco Neck, an affliction that sent America into chaos. In the present time, Shaq owns stakes in Papa John's in Atlanta and now sits on their board of directors.

Sources 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

There's so many - please share your favorite Shaq/ athlete commercials! Also, if you could promote something in a commercial, which would you choose?
Tags: black celebrities, ontd original, shaq, sports / athletes - basketball, television - commercials
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