beysactingcoach (beysactingcoach) wrote in ohnotheydidnt,

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Return of the Motherfucking Crack: It's A Life After Lockup Season Premiere Post!

Issa a spinoff! Why can't these people just call it season 2 of Life After Lockup?! Couples we with whom we have elegantly journeyed are returning to show us the updates in their life.

- Return of the Jedi Rogue Veneer Angela is burning Tony's shit because well he cheated. Y'all know that chipper soprano voice in that Motel 6 wasn't Angela. Tony is exchanging motel rooms for handies on the Petri dishes they call mattresses. (If sis don't dump this damn ashtray.) He comes back from "work" and Angela confronts him about cheating.
- Reality TV Villain Michael returns already talking to other "females" on the way to see his girlfriend and then return to see his wife after. He's been liberated from his ankle monitor and tells Moronic Megan that he allegedly has divorce papers. Those children are just such cutie patooties and why is not surprising he's a deadbeat dad.
- That scene where Sarah and her escaping blaccent imitates Michael for her daughter is just heartbreaking. Megan's friend hates Michael and rightfully so and subtly trying to tell Megan that he ain't shit.
- Supportive Uber Driver Misogylino takes Brittany to the doctor and we confirm she's pregnant! This will be the couple's second bebeh.
- Black Mormon Weave Lady is back with her fake Birkin! Compton Mormom Captive Lamar has left Utah and is back in Cali while she's living in Utah. Dis was kidnap! Gooooooooooooooooooooooorl, apparently the little kid is Lamar's which is why Andrea hasn't filed for divorce. She fucked Lamar in a prison closet - what a fabulous Mormon!
- Domestic Abuser Lacey and Malicious Wounder with a Heart of Gold go to a fertility clinic because he wants a kid. They are moving into a house (OP is jealous) and she paid for everything and MWwaHOG is drinking during the moving process. She gets a text from her other inmate boyfriend afraid that he might relapse and upset that Shane doesn't bring in the money that John does.


This episode is brought to by Motel 6: We'll leave the light on for you, but like... try to have some tact.
Tags: breakup, marriage, reality show, television
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