The Rideshare and The Shawty: We meet Sister Rideshare who tells Anny and her gorgeous hair that Robert is broke. OP doesn’t think her expectations are too high – sis just wanted a two bedroom apartment and she is willing to fuck Robert. Give her what she wants. Later Shawty and Sister Rideshare go wedding dress shopping and it's very sweet.
She-Sheer She Shed and Ronald’s Neigbah: The captive has broken loose! Ronald’s Neighbah goes to meet his soon to be sister-in-law and her babeh. They are empathetic to his issues about Tania being in Costa Rica. They argue about how Tania didn’t call to check in to talk to Syngin after going to the clurb.
The Sleazy and Perpetually Sweaty Sommelier and A Young Woman Who Desperately Needs to Get Away from Him: Surprisingly absent.
The Bee Keepers: That fucking app… Turkish Delight has decided to go back home to his parents. She says he broke off the wedding but did he really sis? OP thinks she holds some fault in this as well – she brought a man her kids didn’t even know into their home and they can barely speak to him aand have the wherewithal to know the relationship won’t last all the while putting some twisted emotional burden on her young children about how she deserves to be happy because of the sacficies she made for them. Yes OP knows this is a run on sentence, but y’all don’t read no way! Mursel is at the Motel 6 where they leave the light on for you. She talks like a fucking first grader to him because she’s mad at him.
White Future, Sr. and The Duolingo Failure: He is chilling with his sister-in-law and mother-in-law in a very chilly ray of sunshine in Russia way. Sister Duolingo grills him in that suburban white woman rosé all day type of way and he gets uncomfortable. Emily is a White Storm now. He starts throwing away snacks that HE DID NOT BUY. (Yes, OP knows the clip is ghetto, but she needed something in this post.)
Rubik’s Cube and Fatal Attraction: He goes to the Embassy to check on the status of her visa and was told it was confidential. They go to a café where he accuses her of hiding details of her life. She denies holding anything back from hi and storms off.
Sisqo and Iggy Ambiem: Eggy Eggs is bonding with ha mother-in-law. We learn that sis doesn’t season her food because apparently seasoned food is unhealthy??????????????????? Poor Sisqo.
The Nigerian Citizen Who Is Overdue for His K1 and FedEgg: The Georgia Ghetto and her lack of moisturizer goes to see a lawyer who tells her that the letter from USCIS is not an official denial, but will probably result in one. The agency might request more evidence or a denial could kick off their appeal process. Apparently it is her tax paying right (you know that heffa on welfare) to get hitched in ‘Murica. Yes, that voodoo done touched down in Hazelhurst. She has decided to go to Nigeria to Scooby Doo the visa decision. The immigration lawyer in Nigeria tells Michael that pursuing the K-3 visa route might be easier for them.
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This episode has been brought to you by paprika, garlic, bay leaves, salt, pepper, Lawry's, Old Bay, oregano.