cbluechicken (cbluechicken) wrote in ohnotheydidnt,

ONTD Original: The Curious Case of Britney Jean

Whew Chile,
This is gonnna be a tough one for me. As a long time stan of the Princess of Pop, her post-2007 career has been nothing short of a giant question mark. Why does she not dance the same? Is she being locked up in a cage by her manager? Where's Rebellion? What happened to her personality?

But one thing that was never truly tarnished was her musical output. After being placed in a conservatorship, Britney went on world tours and released two BOP-FILLED albums "Circus" and "Femme Fatale". But then something happened in 2013. The music took a terrible, terrible turn. Even to this day when I hear the names will.i.am and Myah Marie, I get terrible flashbacks. Now that the dust has settled and Britney bounced back with the super underrated pop masterpiece "Glory" in 2016, let's revisit the album that left Britney's discography in question.

1. Alien

The album starts out on a good note with the midtempo bop Alien. It was supposed to be a single according to Britney herself in the documentary released "I Am Britney Jean". However, like always Team Britney did not deliver. Also, we're gonna gloss over the fact that will.u.not did a poor mixing job and allowed the track to skip on the OFFICIAL ALBUM. Like sis, you had one job.

2. Work B**ch
Britney did not have to snap like this but she did, and she did it "for the gays" (team Britney loved using that as a talking point in interviews). I'll be honest, this song took a while to grow on me. It wasn't what I was expecting but legit, tell me what gay does not go AWF when they hear this at the club after a few vodka sodas. This song single handedly lowered the unemployment rate. PERIODT.

3. Perfume

I'll start on a positive note and say that I applaud Britney for actually taking a vocal risk and giving her all. At this point, we were used to robotney for two album cycles, so it was refreshing. HOWEVER, this was not single material. Great deep cut?  Sure. But if they were gonna release a ballad as a single, this was just not what should've been chosen. There was also drama with this video according to uninspired director Joseph Kahn. According to him, there was a scene where Britney killed her lover with a gun. There was evidence of this on the internet via pictures but we've yet to see the light of day. Scrapped videos are as much of a part of Britney's career as her eyeliner and blonde hair.

4. It Should Be Easy

Um, it should be deleted. NEXT

5. Dik Dik Boom (Ft. TI)
Around this time, EDM was phasing out and Hip-Hop was slowly taking dominance on the radio. EVERY pop girl was trying to add a trap song to their subsequent albums and Myah Marie Britney was not above pandering to the corresponding audience. This song is fine but T.I's rap lyrics basically talking about beating a woman and treating her like an animal is unnecessary and disgusting.

6. Body Ache
By the time we reach this part of the album, any logical Britney stan starts noticing that the vocals sound off? This is when we are beginning to be introduced to Britney cosplay in the form of Miss Myah. The second verse is basically not Britney at all and I'm laughing at her team thinking we would not notice this. We will discuss MM later. Anyway, this song does go when you're at the gym and I wouldn't have been mad if this became a single.

7. Till It's Gone
WHEW, this song is a certified BOP. Britney mentions that the song is about her breakup with David whatshisface. IDK he looked like a balding Shrek. This song could have easily been a great single with a dance heavy video. I still listen to this on the regular when I need to be snatched for the summer and when a fuckboy is pissing me off.

8. Passenger

This was one of the first songs to leak from the album before it's release. It was written by Taylor Swift adjacent Katy Perry, who feels the need to throw shots at Britney at every chance. This song had potential but the finished version sounds unfinished and Britney didn't sing a lick of this song and I'm just like ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

9. Chillin' Wit CHOO
The only positive I will give this song is that it's cute that Britney wanted to do a song with Jamie Lynne. However, how you gonna have a duet with your sister and not sing the song? Like, what. And the song transitions to some weird trap/bop beat. UGH. Throw it away with this Joanne B-side

10. Don't Cry
This is a solid ballad and we get deep vocals from actual Britney. I listen to this song when I wanna be dramatic or my boyfriend is pissing me off or like ONTD wants to engage in their microaggressions.

11. Brightest Morning Star
Like, this song is awful. I know it's about her kids and God but like, you NEEDED God on this album because...WHEW

12. Hold On Tite (?)
Like the sloppiness was so bad that they allowed "tite" to be a thing? Okay werk. But this song is great and tbh, I'm gonna be sappy and say that this makes me think of my BF that passed a year before this album dropped so I was definitely in my feels and continue to be. It's a great midtempo and Britney actually sounds great.

13. Now That I Found You

Literally the only thing this Avicii rip-off should've found was the trash can.

There's a perfume remix but give Britney some coins and stream it yourself!!!!

Okay so lets talk about this era because it's lowkey a mess of an era. So like, what happened

1. The short time between Vegas shows and the album dropping

Britney announced (and I'm using announced loosely) on GMA that she would be doing a Vegas residency. And while haters deemed her career over, it was the blueprint for your faves (cough Little Monsters cough, cough Xtina cough). However it felt like Team Britney did not have enough time to make a full album and get the show together. Please watch the video above of Britney literally giving zero fucks during her announcement.

2. Myah Marie

WHEW chile, this mess. So word on the street is that Team Britney hired Myah Marie during the Circus era, which imo explains why her vocals sounded so pitched and different on both albums. But while other producers were able to mix her vocals correctly, will.i.am pretty much did a sloppy as job and left Myah Maries vocals in full effect

3. will.i.am

UGH the success of Scream and Shout was a blessing and a curse. For one, it gave Britney one of her biggest hits of all time. However, Team Britney thought it was a good idea to hire him as a producer and like have we not heard Black Eyed Peas latest music? Like, what the fuck were they thinking. Will.i.am legit did a terrible job of producing, mixing, anything.

Final Notes
There were some positives of this era. Britney gave some cute interview and it seemed like she was beginning to show her personality again after the Femme Fatale mess of promo. She also had gotten "fun stuff" done and looked pretty refreshed and was serving really nice looks.

ONTD, what do you think about Britney Jean all these years later? Also, what did you think went terribly wrong?
Tags: britney spears, flop, music / musician (pop)

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