ShannenB (shannenb) wrote in ohnotheydidnt,

Things we need to talk about from Before the 90 Days: lies, lost phones, and denim jackets

We haven't had a 90 Day Fiance post in a while, and 2 eps in, new season of Before the 90 Days is filled with things we need to discuss! Last night saw the return of a 90 Day couple you'd hoped to never hear from again, and a new side character who needs his own TLC show immediately!

Avery and Omar
omar avery.jpg

First let's check in with my local girl, Avery, the former vegetarian who ate fried chicken and now has decided her new identity will be Syrian resident. Look I know sometimes Columbus Ohio isn't that exciting, but at least we don't have civil wars here, unless you count the civil war soon to break out among the 500 different scooter companies in the city.

After meeting up with her friends to discuss how soon she'll be having sexy times with Omar, Avery goes home and uses a denim jacket to dry her freshly washed face and hands. WTF? Mom comes in with David's Bridal wedding gown circa 1990. It was her wedding gown and she hopes Avery will wear the sparkly, tulle skirted, strapless number in her Muslim wedding. It's a hard pass from Avery. But will there be a wedding? Avery loses her phone on the way to the airport. She doesn't care, but Mom--who probably has the phone in her pocket--refuses to get on the plane with her daughter unless they both have phones. This is the most excitement that has gone down at John Glenn International Airport since over a month ago when United couldn't figure out how to fix a bathroom light on my flight.

Cesar and Maria
cesar maria.jpg

Nail tech and bicycle helmet wearing meditation enthusiast Cesar, and Maria, who isn't at all a computer algorithm programmed to spit out phrases to make desperate men Western Union cash to's bank account, are having travel issues. After securing a loan from his boss to wire Maria $2000 for a plane ticket to Mexico, Cesar is upset to learn Maria still hasn't booked her ticket like she said she would. Maria says she can't travel due to being a computer program Russia attacking the Ukraine, but Cesar totally Googled an article and it said it was OK. Finally Maria books her flight, and Cesar rushes off to the jewelry store to drop a whopping $195 on an engagement ring. The saleswoman pretty much kisses her $20 commission on that sale goodbye as she declares to the cameraman that she expects to see Cesar back soon to take advantage of their return program.

Darcey and JessieTom

Darcey is supposed to be going to visit her new love of her life Tom over in England, but spends the entire time talking about her ex love Jessie because he butt dialed her at 3AM. It's boring. Just get married and go on a Real Housewives show already, it's what you really want.

Rebecca and Zied
rebecca zied.jpg

Rebecca, her ring light, and her 3000 IG filters are headed to Tunisia to meet Zied. She's worried that Zied will be disappointed that she doesn't look like her heavily filtered pics, but she need not worry because Zied looks like if The Winter Soldier *really* let himself go post-Endgame. Upon meeting Rebecca declares Zied taller than she expected, while Zied declares Rebecca as beautiful, but not like her pictures, but still beautiful. Then he asks her to rent a car for 3 weeks.

Angela and Michael

Theeyyy're baaacckk! That's right, Michael and Angela are back, and have worked past their issues of Michael calling Angela his elder! What they haven't worked past is Michael peacocking all over Instagram, but Angela is gonna go back to Nigeria and set him straight! But first...she's applied for the K1 Visa and has a wedding to plan. She and her friend head out to scout out a possible wedding location. And that's where we meet....DJ Doug!


DJ Doug is here to plan your wedding, just pick your sin and he'll help you accommodate it. Unless that sin is a joint American/African themed wedding with fireworks and TV's detailing your love story, then the most he can do for you is BBQing a goat. He definitely can't help you if you want champagne and caviar on a malt liquor budget....mostly because it appears he also drank all the malt liquor the night before. TLC needs to give this guy a show because I am dying to see his idea of decorating a wedding.

After having her dream wedding dashed by Doug's price tag, Angela decides the next step to achieve her dream of allowing Michael to meet Donald Trump is to try and have a baby with Michael. Of course since she's 53, that doesn't seem too likely. So where's the best place to go with this dilemma? Why, your daughter of course! Not the one arrested for child molestation though, but the other one (Skyla). Angela tells her Skyla all she needs is one of her eggs, as Angela will be toting the baby! When Skyla isn't too jazzed about her mom giving birth to Skyla's half sister who is also Skyla's child and Angela's grandchild, Angela switches plans. She'll get an egg and Skylar can carry it. Since Angela just couldn't afford a $5000 wedding, I'm not sure where she's getting all this egg money from, but Skyla says she'll think about it but isn't sure Michael needs any kids since he'll have grandkids once he marries Angela.

ONTD, what do you think of this season? It's at least better than Happily Ever After, right?

Tags: 90 day fiance, television - tlc
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