yeezus h. christ (yeezus_christ) wrote in ohnotheydidnt,
yeezus h. christ
yeezus_christ
ohnotheydidnt

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'are you the one?' s08e05: 'there was a fivesome?' recap


and we are back for another week of hot, sexually fluid young people looking for hot hot sex under the guise of love and cash and fumbling their way through it all because of lacking basic self-awareness! there will be spoilers galore so if you haven't already watched this week's episode go home now, watch it then join in this post--it's cool--your boss won't mind and it's summer so it's not like you were really working any way.


highlights of the week:


  • the house finally recognizing that kylie and kari are clearly a match. they're literally the only couple that sat together for four of the five matchups and each time the group received two beams. the one time they weren't coupled up--and rightfully so kylie, but we'll get into it--the group lost a beam. the house seems to have wisely decided not to send them to the truth booth to avoid potentially blacking out.



  • do you, girl...? you may want to be appraised by a professional because you're acting like a hard rock when you really are a gem. so #learningandgrowing2019 is still going strong with amber taking nour back after nour got crazy possessive, demanding and straight up violated amber's trust apparently "multiple times"...!

  • mind you, reigning lowkey mvp paige been told amber she thinks they could be a match and is interested in seeing how the two of them develop, but apparently amber is colorblind because all of the red flags around nour just aren't registering for the poor girl.


  • justin and max are booed up af and look tooooo cute. but max is in relationship mode and justin wants to know "what's good?" with more than half the house. and more than half the house is saying "what's good with you?". like...max, sweetie, you're focused on your hummus--which i'm sure is tasty af--while your man is actively trying to plan some group sex. of course your ostrich logic was going to lead you to booking a room in the heartbreak hotel.

  • petty max is gunning for this week's mvp ("better put your dick in a fuckin' hole cause you like holes, bro."--i'm so glad this reference has had legs) and then storming off while dramatically breaking up...? yes, max, turn your pain out! make a scene and give me the dramatics!

  • jenna and danny and spring awakening. the theater geek love got me in my feels and indicated serious compatability--then kai and kari coming through and getting it on the first try like it's nothing--i fucking screeeamed.

  • petty max using the challenge to be pettier and more dramatic...! yes! then justin counters with his abandonment issues! yes! yes



  • basit contiuning to be an angelic voice of reason and source of compassion and understanding




  • so, as i said, kai and jenna were involved in the fivesome and not only involved but the catalyst for the fivesome. i love how organic it was. it reminded me of all of my invitations to group sex.

  • considering the amount of fomo in the house as news of the fivesome spread i wouldn't be surprised if this season ends with an orgy amongst everyone.



  • i really wanted there to be sparks between jenna and danny (a.k.a.: lois and clark), but i completely understand. jenna's connection and attraction to kai has grown too strong at this point for her to be able to forge a connection with anyone else.

  • i feel so bad for both of them, but especially danny. they both showed a tremendous amount of maturity and growth throughout getting to know one another--and kai showed some serious intropsection too. look who's really #learningandgrowing2019.



  • and after deservedly ugly crying and sharing his emotional struggles, danny picked himself up, dusted himself down and came lookin' ready for love (and money).

  • and basit was finally someone's number one pick like basit deserves!



  • oh max. i wish petty max could've stuck around a bit longer. justin got you going from looking stupid cause he tryna beat all the cheeks to lookin' stupid cause you cheesin' so hard for a man you didn't want to see ever again the day before.

  • but i don't care because they couldnt be cuter all booed up. their bodies just fit each other so perfectly when they're snuggled up.



  • week five and these mufuckas got the lowest number of beams yet!--even randomly choosing on week one got them two!



sources 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11


this week was aside from being very messy, very interesting: we went from having one couple that wouldn't separate despite knowing they're not a perfect match and wasting time not making connections with other people in the house to three! there is no way max and nour are letting justin and amber

mvp of the week: danny



  • sharing good relationship/life advice, maturity and positivity


lowkeymvp of the week--close call between petty max and paige, but paige reigns another week

  • such a quality fave



💜🐕💜, ⏲ 🛑🤡 ✨📺✨👀? (which translates to "ontd, when are you going to stop clowning and start watching this amazing show?")
Tags: discussion, lgbtq film / media, reality show - mtv
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