I can't believe we made it (we made it!) to the season finale after Love After Lockup. We get a 90 minute episode - the least we deserve after the producers have been fucking with us for two damn months! Let's see what happens in this peak gutter trash of a television. Sad Sack Scott tells Lizzie and Lizzie's bubbies that he's broke and pissed off after finding out she charged $2000 worth of clothes on his credit card. Lizzie says that it's only money (gorl no!) and point blank tells the Sad Sack "If you have no money, I don't need you." She didn't even finesse it y'all. Fast forward, Sad Sack gets a new girlfriend and Lizzie gets a job - even I didn't see the job part coming.
Sensible Caitlin has come back to us and we missed her dearly!!!! She wants to get her life together and sees that Matt just isn't willing to do the same. They fight during a recorded jail phone call - Matt was arrested for stealing cars which he says he didn't steal. Caitlin bails him out but decides she doesn't want to be a prison wife and leaves Matt to start living for her! Yes girl! From having his Cinnabon icing on your lips on national TV to expressing why you're over him -
Our goddess descends from the coach bus and reunites with Clint as he re-proposes in the middle of damn field. (Straight white folks are truly ... ) She looked skinny as which was very concerning. Their denouement was boring.
Brittany and Marcelino rush to the altar to begin their little family. They have a little private wedding some of their relatives and friends. Brittany's ex-GF was also there with her new BF. Compared to Tracie and Clint's wedding, this was the height of Ex-Felon Elegance, their ceremony looked simple and beautiful and nothing was cheesy or tacky. They exchanged incredibly sweet vows and party on.
When Michael's picture dropped from the middle of the title card to put Megan's and Sarah's pictures side by side - son my chest. The moment we've all been waiting for Megan and Sarah's blaccent get ignant at the Best Western free breakfast room. With some fabulous one liners from Megan: "You're getting played because you're still with his ass" and "It's not because you're white, it's your class, ho!" (ICONIC!) The women understand that Michael is playing them both and Sarah breaks it off with Michael. MVP of the season: Megan's dad our queen (but his gawddamn daughter still don't listen)
This cinematography, Cuarón is quaking!
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